I need advice on how to comfort someone from death?

Question

There's this girl that I know, she's a friend of one of my friends. We only talk/see each other when I see my one friend. But anyway..

The other night she witnessed her boyfriend and her boyfriend's mother getting hit by a car on the highway while they were changing a tire. They both died.

I'm planning on attending the funeral. The thing is I never know what to say to someone who lost someone in death. I want to say something to her or do something for her that will help her get through this. Can anyone give me any advice or suggestions on what I can say or do when I see her? Even though we aren't close friends at all..I still would like to help her somehow..

Answer 1

You have a good heart. Just be there for her and make sure she knows that. After everything has settled down, call her or stop by to visit, take her out to lunch.... keep in touch with her.  She will need a good friend after the dust settles. Eventually she may just want to talk, just listen and don't act like you know how she is feeling.  

Answer 2

Just be there for her.  Stay her friend.  I lost my father to suicide.  What hurt was people not saying anything.  Tell her that you are there for her.  Ask her what she needs.

Answer 3

You just said you wanted to help, though you aren't close. So tell her that! Say you want her to know that you'd like to help and if she needs any, she can count on you. Say that you wanted her to know that you're thinking of her. Anything like "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I know how you feel" is just too generic and not as heartfelt.

Answer 4

Just tell her that you'll be there for her if she needs you.  There's not much else you can say.  

Answer 5

Bless you for wanting to comfort your friend.

You could say such things as "This must be a terrible time for you" or "I have been thinking of you so much" or "My heart goes out to you at this awful time"

It is also important to know what NOT to say - "They are in a better place" "Only the good die young" "I know how you feel" - all those and others like them should be avoided like the plague.

Try not to say "How are you doing?" because she will say "Fine" which you know she is not.

You could also write her a note which will comfort her long after the funeral.

Say something like

"Dear ....

I know this is a terrible time for you and I wish there was something I could say or do that would ease the pain that you must be feeling right now.  I hope it helps to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and if there is anything I can do, please call me.

From your friend ......."

There is also a verse written by Bishop Brent many years ago which has comforted me, and I sometimes send it with a note about 6 weeks after the death - by 6 weeks people have stopped writing and phoning the bereaved, so I find it is really meaningful to them at that time.

The verse is below.

A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says, “she is gone”.  Gone where?  Gone from my sight that is all; she is just as large as when I saw her, still as beautiful and as strong in the sails and mast ……  The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her, and just at the moment when someone at my side says “she is gone”, there are others on a farther shore who are watching her coming, and other voices take up the glad shout, “here she comes!” …..  and that is dying.

I found this passage and thought of you and your family.  It has comforted me many times and I hope it will comfort you too.

I hope this helps

Answer 6

ok well i just lost my dad 5 months ago and at my dads funeral i wrote a short story and facts about my dad that were nice so you could do that and at the funeral......just from experience......tell her how sorry you are and that you will be there to talk whenever she needs it....you may not know wat to say but at least she knows you are there... i didnt have anyone to comfort me thru my dads death but it would have been really nice to have someone......hope this helps.....if you or her needs to talk my email is [e-mail]