I need advice on how to deal with my sister?

Question

My younger sister (21 yrs, and I'm 23) has been dating this guy for 5 years now. He cheats on her left and right, and it's emotionally draining on me. Every time he does something like this, I think "now FINALLY she will end it", but she never does. She's back together with him the same day it happens and it drives me nuts. She doesn't seem to care about anyone else but him. It makes me feel crappy that she can treat me, who cares about her so much, far worse than she treats the guy who disrespects her so much.

I have had problems with anxiety for a few years now, to the point that I sometimes feel sick to my stomach and can't eat. I just now realized that this anxiety is stemming from my worry about her. When I was a kid I would have nightmares that I couldn't protect her and she was being hurt.

Can someone please give me advice on how I can get over this anxiety about my sister? I am sick of worrying about her life and what's going wrong with it. She's 21 now and old enough to deal with her life herself, but I can't get out of the mentality that she's still my baby sister who needs protecting. Sometimes I feel like I need to cut her off because it stresses me out so much. It's not that she's constantly at the forefront of my thoughts, but I know that its in my subconsciousness and the source of my anxiety symptoms.

Please any advice on what I should do would be immensely appreciated.

Answer 1

talk    to somebody

Answer 2

I've never had a situation like this with family before, but I've had a lot of friends who have put me in this situation.

What I do with my friends is to cut them off for awhile. Sometimes, I just feel like I need to, to protect my own sanity. As you've said, at 21 (I'm in pretty much the same age group) they're old enough to take care of themselves- no matter of how horribly they do it.

Besides, when it comes to relationships, people will only believe what they want... and if anyone tells them that the other person is treating them wrong they think "they just don't want me to be happy" or something along those lines. Regardless of whatever you tell her, she needs to realize for herself that she deserves better. You can only tell her so much.

What you need to do is let your sister know that her being hurt by her boyfriend isn't only hurting herself. Tell her that it's emotionally draining on you, as well, to have to see someone you love constantly being hurt by the same person, in the same situation, over and over, and that you just can't deal with it. Let her know that if she continues to do this to herself- because by now, she is only doing it to herself- that you don't want to hear about it. You don't need to cut her off, just let her know if it's about him you don't want to hear about it.

That being said, I know that problems between sisters can be very tricky, so you really need to find what works best for you. If you have trouble bringing it up with her try writing her a letter. That's how I usually tell my sister about things that really bother me.

I hope this works out for you!

Good luck!

Answer 3

disown her

Answer 4

Girl, I feel ya! I have a sister (who is 20), and I am 30. She has the most rotten taste when it comes to picking her guys that it drives me insane!

I know how hard it is to stop trying to protect her from the bad things that could and will happen in life, but you gotta stop worrying about her so much, and START worrying about YOU.

If you spend all this time and energy trying to take care of her, (which I'm sure by now she expects you to do if she's anything like my sister).. how much of your time and energy is going into YOUR OWN life??

Not much I'm betting.

If sis wants to be with a guy who doesn't respect her, and love her.. thats HER problem. NOT YOURS. Not anymore. From now on, when she calls, crying or fussing about whatever he's done now.. do as I have had to learn to do. Say, "I love you, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but it's YOUR problem. You choose to stay where you are, so you can't expect anything to change. Call me when you have a problem I CAN help you with."

Explain to her that only SHE can decide to shake the guy who obviously doesn't care about her, and not to call you wanting to discuss anymore problems she has with him until she has first, packed his bags and sent him off and running to whichever woman he's cheating with now.

We, as sisters can only do so much. And then we have to stop, and realize that for all that time we've spent worrying about our kid sisters problems, we've been neglecting our own.

You mention HER relationship, what about you? Do you not have a special guy there somewhere that would be ever so grateful to have your time and attention to himself without little sister busting in with her dramas? If not,.. time to start getting out, start living your life. Find someone of your own, who can make you forget about little sisters strange need to be with men who disrespect her.

If it helps, cut her off, but not entirely. Start limiting the time you spend talking to her, listening to her. Get yourself a hobby that will take that time up. Then when she calls "Sorry sis, I'm busy, I'll have to call you back."

Hang in there girl, it will get easier at letting her live her life, once you're busy living yours.