I need advice on my relationship????

Question

I have been dating this guy for almost two years now, we have been engaged for a year and a half now. I have 1 kid and he has 2. He smokes weed constantly and sells it. He does all this c**p behind my back. I hate drugs, but I love him. I have begged him to stop so many times. He has promised His daughter and me that he is not going to smoke ne more. I turn around and I find the **** everywhere, its almost like he is addicted. It makes me cry all the time, because when I was growing up my dad was a pothead and a alcoholic. I am just need some advice on what to do. Do I end the relationship or just keep begging him to quit??

Answer 1

don't keep begging for anything. if you can't handle it..leave him. if you can handle it and he's not willing to change, let him be and get over it. it doesn't seem like you want to leave him so just learn how to deal with it and ask him to keep it out if sight and do his recreational activities away from your home. if he can respect that, then you can respect his decision to smoke.

Answer 2

Been there, done that...got divorced! I finally realized that while he was lieing about the drugs...he was lieing about everything else too. "Did you pay the electric bill honey?"  "Yes" only he never paid it, or he only paid part of it. You name it, money was always short because he smoked everything he made. Trust me, it wasn't that way in the beginning, he was wonderful...until I got hooked. Then I got tired of crying and most of all, I got tired of my kids seeing me cry...or knowing that I was - you can't really hide those things from kids.  And you really need to realize that your kids should be your bigger concern!  One day, I was waiting to be picked up by  my husband and the next thing I knew a police officer was having me paged at the store. He had been busted and the officer offered to take me to my car so that I would have a way home (Thank God he was a great guy, he didn't have to do that!)  Then I thought, what if the kids had been with him when he got busted?  I would have lost my kids for his stupidity...trust me...that happens too. Not to me, but I know how other men around here have lost so much to drugs.   Think of your children and run as fast as you possibly can!

Answer 3

If he doesn't want to change hes not going to simple as that no matter how much he loves you he likes smoking and as he sees it as all you do is complain about it but your not going anywhere. IF you give him ultimadem to stop or your leaving you COULD run into the same problem he will say he will stop but won't. So that leaves you with two options compromise tell him don't smoke when you or the children are around tell him to do it on his own time (again though this could lead to him agreeing but not really listening)SO I think the best option is leave, tell him if he got his act together you would consider seeing him again but if not this is the end.

Answer 4

Listen: people dont change. You have asked him to change, and did he? Why do you keep hoping he will change? Just because you love him? Love is not enough to make people change, Im sorry. Im an optimistic person but I dont expect the impossible from others.

Cut your losses now and get out of there, quick. You have a kid. That should be reason enough to leave this loser.

Also, get into therapy if you can. Your boyfriend shows the same patterns your father did. Do you want to continue this cycle... or learn how to be a fulfilling, stable relationship?

Answer 5

What do you mean you "it's almost like he is addicted"? He is addicted!

You need to understand that you are dealing with an addict - they are selfish. They only care about getting their drugs; nothing else. They will lie, cheat, steal, etc. in order to get what they want.

For your sake, and for the sake of your child, get out of that relationship now. Otherwise you are going to be living with an addict for the rest of your life - that's not a good thing.

If you need help or encouragement in order to fully understand then go to an Alanon meeting. It will help you.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/...

Answer 6

It really is hard, but the truth is begging him wont work until he is willing to quit on his own. You need to do what you think is right, if you don't want to continue to live that lifestlye then you need to leave him ..maybe leaving him will make him realize what he lost and want to quit.  

Answer 7

You  Cant change a someone who is addicted to drugs ----  unless they want to change themselves ---- I am sorry but that's a fact ----  

Answer 8

Sounds like it's time to look out for you and your child. You already see he does not have your best interest and most importantly his two children's. I can see it would be hard leaving him with his two children while he is doing all this drug slangling but you have a child in the midst of this madness. GET OUT!!!! Save yourself money and time by leaving now that things are not legal.

Answer 9

If you've already begged and pleaded with him and he continues, it's time to move on.  

Answer 10

End it.  That is really dangerous to you and your child.  Especially if he is selling it, if he gets caught, you could get arrested along with him for having it in your home.

Why would you think begging him is going to get him to ever change his mind when he's already shown you his only reaction to that is to lie about it?  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and still expecting to get a different result after you keep getting the same result.