I need advice on single parenting

Question

Ok I am getting a divorce from a very abusive man. We havent spoken since we split. I have sole custody of our toddler and our other baby that is about to be born. He hasnt tried to see either kid and doesnt even know the newborns name. I have protective orders and all that. So my question is, what do I do when my kids start to ask about their dad? I know he will never be in their lives and they are better off without him. Also how do I get my oldest to adjust to the new baby and not start regressing?

Answer 1

just be yourself.truth is the medicine for any problems. some sickness (forgive me please) what your husband had,now its over you should find the right way and show your kids too.we are not animal so we have many things differences than them. findout and develop your humanity and keep your religan

Answer 2

I was in the same situation that your toddler is in. One thing that I really appreciate that my mother did was to never talk bad about my father. She would be honest but not speak badly of him. When I would ask about him she would just say that he didn't treat us very good & leave it at that. Pretty soon my brother & I stopped asking.

It is important for children to have healthy, stable male & female roll models in their life so spend a lot of time with your dad or brother or uncle or friend that can teach your daughter how to be treated by a man & your son how to be a man. I know they are hard to find but keep your eyes open.

I only have 1 child but a wonderful mother friend of mine with 5 kids said that with each new baby she would make sure to give the older ones the most attention because they would remember how much attention they received & the newborn wouldn't. Doing research I learned that kids don't develop a long term memory until after 2 or 3.

ALL of her children are wonderful adults & amazing parents. Each of the as individual as the next & they all have wonderful relationships with mom & dad.

Answer 3

what do I do when my kids start to ask about their dad?

Tell the truth.

Tell the truth.

And tell the truth.

Give facts, not emotion & hatred.

It is only your status that changed, not their bloodline. There will be no ex-dad or ex-mom. Only ex husband or ex-wife.

Answer 4

You are in a very difficult position.  First try not to make any emotional descisions when it comes to your children.  There will be times when you are sick and tired of being the mom and dad and doctor and teacher and maid and cook and chauffeur etc.  If you have little family support you need to get it from somewhere.  I keep recomending the cooperative extension office.  But that is because they help people.  They will help you with parenting training and will be able to steer you to people that can answer you question about questions about dad and how to help a toddler adjust to a new baby.  You are dealing with some heavy stuff all at once make use of all the help you can get.  I;m betting you have or will be looking for a job too.  They will help you there as much as they can.  

Answer 5

You don't have to worry about your first question until they are about 4.  This is the age in which they are around other kids that do have dads and will notice that they don't have one. Hopefully by this time maybe you have met someone and they will fill that void.  If not you can be honest but dont give too much detail.  You can always use other single moms for example that not all families have "dads".  I would say something like Daddy went away because he had to but don't worry I'll be your mommy and daddy.  Let them tell you their fears and concerns any way they can.  For now they will be happy with any response you give them.  

Involve your toddler with the whole process of the baby.  Since you are pregnant you have plenty of time to do this.  Say look your baby sister/brother are saying hi to you.  Let him feel the baby kick. Let them sing to your belly and just small things like that so they know it's coming but are involved.  Once the baby comes the toddler will need as much attention as the baby so make sure to include him with feeing the baby, bathing the baby, etc Everything will be just fine.  You have such a perfect little family. wish you the best