I need advice with my son

Question

I am in the middle of a rather nasty divorce, we were married 2 years together for 4. She was unfaithful and kicked me to the curb, she is taking me to the cleaners and wants me to leave town(her home town) and go back to Seattle or somewhere else. At any rate, I REFUSE to not have my son in my life. I finally have my parenting plan so he is with me this weekend. The thing is I have met somebody new and she will soon be living with me. Yes I have already had all the time I needed to get over my marriage and was alone. So no this is not a rebound.

My question is how do I go about making this as smooth as possible for my new love to meet my son. Its already been set to happen at the end of Aug. I don't want to cause any drama, but it matters to me that she and my son meet and get along... I of course am new to this, so any advice would be helpful..

Thanks

MAG

Answer 1

Explain exactly why you want to make this transition into a new family – don’t forget to mention how the situation benefits everyone involved – that can help the child decide to have a positive attitude going into the new family.

While you may not be a mind reader, you can easily explain the upcoming changes – moving into a new house shared by new people, having new people move into your existing family house or losing a member of the family . Explaining this up front prepares them for the changes soon taking place.

Always ask your child how they feel about the situation – it validates their concerns and helps them feel heard, which can only strengthen communication between you.

Answer 2

You should have her daughter and your son play together. They may become friends. Then your son will be excited to come play with her. Have your girlfriend interact with them.

Answer 3

I am assuming from your question that your son is, at most, 2 to 3 years old.  The best thing that you could do for him is to let them spend time together before she moves in so that they can be comfortable with each other.  Personally, I think that the moving in part of things will be really fast for him, because he will have 3 or 4 weekends to get to know her before she is there full time whenever he goes to see you.  Also, it sounds as if your ex-wife has not handled the divorce very well, and I hate to think it, but she may try to manipulate your son to get back at you by poisoning him against your new love.  If there is any chance of a mature conversation happening, I would suggest keeping her in the loop about what is going on in your personal life to the degree that you have moved on, you hope that she is moving on as well and finding happiness in her life, and, for the sake of your son, you hope that you can work together to make his life as happy and stress free during this time when you are still probably uncomfortable with how the situation between the two of you has worked out.  Best case scenario, she will see the reasoning behind keeping the adult issues amongst the adults and that there will be more people in your sons' life who can love him and be loved by him.  Worse case scenario, she will make him feel like loving you and accepting your new love will be a betrayal of his love for her so that he feels guilty if he likes your new lady friend.  I hope that things work out for you, but regardless of how she acts, let your son know how much you love him and that he is your number one priority.  Don't talk bad about his mom any time that he is in the house, even if you think that he can't hear you.  Always try to be a calm, patient force when he is around, even if your ex says or does something that makes you want to explode.  I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

if this woman means a lot to you and she is a good person, you shouldn't have to deal with this on your own.. she should make you feel comfortable too,... letting you know that she will do whatever it takes to make this right for all three of you... look at it that way...

if she has done all of these things and is there for you and your son, then don't worry about it. Don't introduce her to your son as his new mommy or anything.. he is young and there is enough time for that...

just take it one day at a time, don't rush into things so fast.. and everything will take its course... the most important thing is that you have her support throughout all of this.. because if you do... then you wouldn't be as worried about all of this...

good luck

Answer 5

Well, if he likes family members he will like your girlfriend.

He won't get that your dating her.

So you tell him this,

Dad and Mom will are in a fight. So where going to take a break. And somebody wants to meet you.

That worked on my cousin.

Emma

Answer 6

Since she will be moving in so quickly, it might be a good idea to introduce your girlfriend to your son -- soon as possible -- and spend time all together.  I'd limit it to a couple hours at first.

sometimes kids feel abandoned when a new partner comes on the scene, but usually not at 2 years old... just remember to pay him attention and do as you usually do with him when the two of you are alone.  

and the transition might be easier because your girlfriend has a child who is just a year older.  they might be happy for each other's company.

take care and i hope things work out well for you.

Answer 7

I couldn't stand meeting my dads new girl friends they were always so fake sure they gave gifts ect but they were just trying to buy my sibs and myself.Wasn't until my father father married a woman that he knew as a teenager that I liked anyone of them.

So odds are he wont be able to ease anything into it,something tells me if she does have a child he will feel as thou he is being replaced.Toddlers are smarter then people give them credit,make sure he knows that your not putting him aside.Really shower him with attention  

Answer 8

Your son is still a baby and he's not your problem.Did she already knows that you have a son? If not, tell her and she may also understand you because she also has a daughter.

Answer 9

well that is a good question, i dont think you will like my answer, i dont think its a good idea to have your girlfriend live with you with your son in the house. sorry i just dont think that sets a good example for a child .

Answer 10

how old is ur son?

Answer 11

Honestly you should really pay more attention to your son and girlfriend and don't just be alone with your girlfriend and not with your son this is coming from the heart