I need advise on how to cope with a 3yr old that i think had adhd his father also had it i dont want meds?

Question

of all my children (i have 4)he is the most out of controlwont listin is destructive screams and crys in the stores when he dont get his way doesnt like to be touched wakes up all thru the night doesnt require much sleep wont watch any kind of learning shows like sesame street etc....thinks its funny when i punish him time out dont work cause i cant get him to stay put i am at my end i have to take nerve pills to deal with my own child and its so frustrating

Answer 1

First , get off the nerve pills and learn to DEAL with life.

Next  learn to stop in the middle of whatever your doing to discipline your kids.Do NOT yell and scream at them for 40 minutes , they learn they have 30-40 minutes to push mommy's buttons.

Stop what you are doing, spank their behind until they  give in to what you say, THEN put them in time out.

As far as TV goes, try playing some games with them, no sugar for breakfast lunch and dinner.

Maybe a desert friday nights, and fruit the rest of the time.

You can get them under control ,BUT your going to have to stay on it and be consistent and persistent.Spank them hard enough that they arent laughing and dont want another otherwise it wont do any good.Get some men involved in their lives, like their daddy, your dad, their uncles anyone who is a GOOD influence.

Answer 2

I also have 4 children. My son sounds very much like yours. He is 7 now, and was just recently diagnosed with ADHD. We did a year of parent/child therapy with him to make sure that it wasn't something we were doing as parents. When that still failed to help, we put him on an ADHD medication.

The transformation in him has been remarkable. He's a whole new person now, and very enjoyable to be around. When he isn't on his meds, it's very noticeable.

You'll have to wait til your child starts school before having him tested. Until then, watch out for things such as red food colouring and yellow food colouring, both of which trigger negative behaviour in ADHD children.

You might also benefit from parent/child therapy until he is old enough to get some meds. This will help you better cope with his antics. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel.

Answer 3

A lot of the kids described as adhd just are undisciplined, but that does not sound like the case with your son.  The lack of sleep/frequent waking are red flags here that would indicate adhd.  It sounds like you need more help than you can get on a forum such as this.  You need to thoroughly research this issue and try eliminating sugar and dyes from your son's diet, as well as looking into behavior modification techniques that might help.

Answer 4

Ditto on the no junk food, no sugar. Feed him lots of fruits, veggies, lean protein. Most kids are just too hyped up on sugar and unhealthy food.

Of course he doesnt like it when he doesnt get his way, does anybody? You will have to be tough and CONSISTIENT with discipline.No warnings, no bribing, no next time. If he doesnt follow the rules then he is IMMEDIATELY punished. If that means leaving a store w/o whatever you went in for then so be it. You must take control, right now he is controlling you hence he thinks its funny when you punish him. He knows he is your boss too.

These rules should follow for all your kids btw.

Answer 5

Change the diet - change the behavior.  No junk foods, no medications and no sweets.

Answer 6

I can really help you on this question because I too have adhd and have had it since i was little. I had the same behaviors. I was out of control and off of the wall. I would laugh all the time when I got punished and would throw huge tantrums in stores. I would wake up all throughout the night and go to my parents room and I did not have to sleep because I had so much energy. I think the not wanting to watch learning shows is irrelevant especially since he is 3 and if he does have adhd his ability to focus is a problem except when or if he likes the show. I also would tell people whatever I was thinking, to complete strangers. I am 24 now and am on meds but I didn't get put on them until i was in 8th grade. Make sure the sugar is limited, he is on vitamins, and when he has his tantrums at home the best thing to do is ignore him because what he wants is attention. However, at stores the screaming and crying do get out of control and what my parents did was they would take me to the car and we would go home. It worked!

Answer 7

I would limit the amount of sweets and artificial ingredients, I would structure his day so he knows what to expect and can develop ways to cope.

Answer 8

You should really talk to his pediatrician and see what your options are... you must be exhausted with 3 other kids.  If you don't want to do meds, that's your choice, but there might be other ways for you to deal with his behavior.  I think he might be too young to diagnose anyway, so you could wait anyway and see if his behavior changes over the next few years before he starts school.  He is still young... but, maybe you could see a behavior specialist and they could help you manage his behavior so that you aren't at the end of your rope all the time.   Try to find some resources to help you in your state/city.  What kind of punishments have your tried??   Time outs, spankings, removing privelages (taking away things he likes), etc... maybe you could go to the library and find some literature on how to deal with kids like him at this age.  Once he's in school, I would bet there are going to be many more resources for him than there are now, so just do your best and try to take breaks from him if you can.  Do you have a husband/boyfriend or family that can help you out?  Good luck.

Answer 9

My son was diagnosed at age 3.  We went back and forth on whether or not to medicate.  First off we went through years researching ADD and ADHD.  

We learned that the first thing is that this is a real condition, misdiagnosed or not. ADD and ADHD is a condition hindering the growth of mylan (sp?) in the brain. Everyone has a sheath called mylan (sp?) that goes around their 'conductors' in the brain. ADD and ADHD kids have lil to no mylan so instead of getting a thought and having it follow the right path to where it needs to go a thought will bounce around to different conductors. All their thoughts bump into each other because there is no sheath to keep them on right path. It would be like having a bunch of light rail trains crossing each other but none of them are connected to the tracks. Statistically kids on meds (who have been properly diagnosed) live a perfectly normal life with a great percentage going on to college. Out of the kids in prison who have ADD or ADHD only a small percentage were medicated as children, whereas college students who have it a small percentage were not medicated as children. Kids with this condition access a part of the brain that normal kids do not. This is a coping affect for them. During puberty the body produces more mylan which is why most, not all, but most kids outgrow add. These kids have a heightened intelligence... they can not tap into that if they can not focus. They learn differently and it is amazing how smart and complex their brains are!

I do not believe in medicating for behaviour.. you medicate just enough so that your child can function and focus, you give them a very structured and routine lifestyle and the behaviour follows by itself.My son has been on meds for 7 yrs.. he is a straight A student in a private school that boasts its tough curriculum (A Beka). Take your non medicated student any day and put them up against a medicated ADHD child and you will see the difference for yourself.

Meds are very essential. Again, don't medicate to control behaviour, medicate just enough to allow your child to focus. We thought ADD was a hoax when our son was first diagnosed, after months of behaviour modification we decided to try ritalin... the fact that I could watch him flip through a book page by page and really look at it made me cry. It gave him such peace... as for being addicted to drugs later on - anphetamines work opposite in ADD kids, therefore they do not become addicts later on because it doesn't give them the high that others get. On the flip side it has been proven that kids with add that don't get meds early on turn to anphetamines later on because it helps them focus.

We made our final decision a few summers ago when we took our son off meds for one summer... after a couple weeks he came in after playing outside for about 5 minutes, i asked what was wrong and he said he couldn't think... i asked why not and he said that his mind was 'going fast' and he was trying to make something and couldnt stay with it. He began to cry... we put him back on the meds and he has been fine ever since. You just HAVE to balance the meds right. Medicate for focus, not behaviour. There is a difference. Don't let people judge you for medicating your child. You are doing your child a great disservice if you don't. I have gone back and forth with this and have watched my son struggle to stay focused when he wants to accomplish something so bad... why would you keep that from your child? I was with you 7 yrs ago on not wanting to medicate.  If diagnased correctly, your child will need meds. Work with your doc on getting your child on the right meds.... You have to make that decision but give them a chance and you will see your child become 'normal' and accepted and your child will show you what a difference it makes.

Literally what did it for us on meds was when our dr gave us a two day sample of ritilan on the smallest possible dosage.  He said that the only sure way to know if a child has it is to give him some medicine and see what the reaction is.  The dose they originally gave us was the equivalent to a few mountain dews.  We were told if he had it he would calm down and if not he would wind up... but we would know.  

If your dr won't listen.. go to another one who will.  But know that meds don't fix the behavour.  They only give the child the ability to focus.  You HAVE to keep these kids on a strict routine.  They have to know what to expect every minute.

It helps (but wont cure) to remove not just sweets.. look at labels.. 99% of the drinks out there have so much sugar in them it is insane... ketchup has sugar in it for pete's sake!  Also artifical sweetners (which is poison anyway) like aspartame (which is phermaldihyde/embalming fluid), saccharin..etc....and red dyes that you find primarily in beef.  It is really difficult to find meat with no dyes...I rinse my meat before I cook it to get what red dye I can out of it.  You can also give your son omega 3 fish oil supplements.  They believe that the lack of omega 3's during pregnancy may be the cause of it.  Omega 3's help with mylan growth.

There is light at the end of the tunnel that isn't the train... find a dr who will listen... if that one says he doesnt have it then ask them what you are supposed to do.  You pay them... make them earn it!

I hope this helped a lil... Good Luck!!!