I need guidance .......?

Question

I've been dating this guy for quite some time now . I'm 21 and he's 25 . Around 7 months into our relationship I found out he had cheated on me . I was so hurt , but I love him so much ...so as you may suspect yes , I did take him back . He promised he would never do me wrong again and I could see a drastic change in him .. he stopped going clubbing , stopped smoking , and started going to church again ... a year later here we are in the process of planning our wedding and moving into our first place together . Only one problem , he's slipping back into his old ways . Last week I confronted him about the lack of time he spent with me and he told me I need to understand that he works two jobs and is tired ...understandable . I dont mind him hanging out with friends but last Saturday he promised he would come over to spend time with me , he came over for 10 minutes ( didnt hug or kiss me when he walked in the door ) sat down read the paper and then said he had to leave to go look for a tux with his mother for her wedding , he promised he would be back ...but instead i got a text at 9:30 that night saying he was going to a club for some girls birthday . I was so disappointed and hurt , I cried and he said it wasnt that serious ... he ended up not going but he had an attitude for the whole night at my house ... yesterday I attended a funeral for my baby cousin & hadnt talked to him all day ... when I finally called him at 5:30pm he said he would call me back because he was on the phone with one of his male friends ... he didnt call me back until 8 and that was only because i text him saying he was wrong for not calling me back . When he called we got into it again because he said he hadnt talked to his male friend all day either ...today he didnt call me all day because he claimed he left his phone at home when he went to work , which is very unlikely ... I'm kind of second guessing the proposal ..... what should i do ?

Answer 1

hon, he's not slipping back, he never took to the change. You said he's 24yrs old, so he's been living the way he always did and much like breathing, it is part of him.

   How can you possible think a person can change 24yrs habits and thinking in 1 yr. It took him 24yrs to get there, it will take at least half the time to get out and much like an alcoholic he must keep trying to change one day at a time. Just because a person "tries" to change doesn't mean he has. Point is he is "not" trying anymore.

     The fact that your planning a wedding tell him he does not have too try anymore, he has what he wants now, without giving in or up anything.

      You know what you feel inside, so you know what needs done.

      You marry him now and i promise you'll be one miserable bride within a month. Nor will it stop. Never ignore the behaviours you don't like in a man, it takes ppl a lot longer to change than you think.        

Answer 2

If things like this are happening to make you question your decision to marry him, PAY ATTENTION to these things.

Do not follow through with the wedding plans if there is any doubt you will be happy with this person.  You two are still young, and it doesn't hurt to take more time on this.  Maybe you two will even work it out, but I would sit him down and tell him you want to put off living together/ getting married.  He sounds like he isn't even ready...