I need help, I'm very confused. What is this about whining?

Question

Okay i have seen questions and answers lately about whining coming from adoptees. I know that there are some strong opinions about adoption either it be good or bad. I'm for open records and an adoptive child's choice to search if they want too. So, would this be considered whining or being ungrateful if they wanted to search or their birth records. I'm confused, if some one wants something then just because i don't want it, i shouldn't tell them to stop whining. What's going on here?

Answer 1

If an adopted child wants to trace the birth mother (when they reach 18), then I feel they should be allowed to do so without any recriminations.  We ALL want to know our history, and I don't think it is whining or being ungrateful.

Answer 2

Don't you know that expecting equal treatment under the law is whiny and ungrateful?  There are a few people who do say those sorts of comments when someone is discussing open records reform.  But, these folks seem to have a hard time separating the desire for equal treatment under the law with whether or not someone had a "good" or "bad" "adoption experience."  What on earth does wanting equality have to do with what your home life was like?

ETA:

Starlight, good luck with that whole anonymity thing.  Firstly, no one has a Constitutional right to anonymity.  Secondly, every other citizen in states that keep records sealed from adopted persons (some don't do so) is able to unconditionally access his/her own record of birth.  Adopted citizens are the only citizens denied that right.  This is discrimination.  Thirdly, there is no way anonymity can be guaranteed because those records DO NOT seal when a parent relinquishes ("gives up") her child for adoption.  They only seal if and when an adoption legally finalizes by the court.  If an adoption fails, the record unseals.  Therefore, anonymity is a myth.  But, the discrimination is real.

No one says that a natural parent has to have a relationship if s/he doesn't want it.

Answer 3

I feel that if a couple have children that they decide to put up for adoption - no matter what the circumstances or intentions are - they are responsible for the entire reality of that child. Therefore, if the person they gave birth to wants to know who their parents are, it should be revealed to them from day one.

I don't like this idea that it should be kept secret from them to spare their feelings. They deserve the truth. To hide it from them is not only artificial, but asking for trouble.

As for whining, that's just a word the intolerant use to deflect attention from the point. You have a right to your opinion, and being considerate of others is one thing, but being told that expressing a viewpoint counter to another is whining is wrong.

Hope I've helped.

Answer 4

When many people talk about whining they are not talking about people fighting for equal treatment under the law, or open birth records and they are not denying that adoption comes with pain, AND they are certainly not implying that adoption is all happy as can be.

For me, I say go for it. complain about closed records and fight for change. I support you. But when people blame every life difficulty on the fact that they were adopted, and blame the adoption industry for every hurt feeling they have ever had they go too far.  We have trials as adoptees, and some have more than others, but we should be sharing ways to overcome these difficulties and cope with them rather than encouraging people to wallow in their pain, and heaping more shame upon them for being adopted.   There has to be "light" to go with the "heat."

Answer 5

Wow.. I've been labelled an adoptee my whole life... now I can add whiner to that too..cool.

Any other choice words to label me?

Answer 6

adoption should be open.

Answer 7

As a pregnant mother of a 3yr old & potentially giving my unborn child up for adoption. I'm for an open adoption. If in the coming years my unborn child would like to get to know it's brother & me I would be more than happy to meet him/her. But I do know of some birthparents that it may just be too hard to look into the child's eyes that they gave up so many years ago & anwser that question. "Why?" I think now at many agencies you can request information about birthparents such as medical problems, heritage, etc. without knowing exactly who they are. Basically that's it, I think.

Answer 8

I am an adoptee and a whine too!! Yeah good for me. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Answer 9

I think it is a two way street.  The adoptee should be able to trace his/ her birth history only if the person putting the child up for adoption agrees to make their information available to the child.  If they do not want to be contacted, I think they have the right to remain anonymous.

Answer 10

I believe they should have the option and that their adobtive parents should support them because no matter what the child will always love them!!! I also think that it should be always open to the child to meet the birth parents!!!h

Answer 11

I strongly beleive that an adoption should be open and the child should have the option when they become of age to go in search of their "real" parents.