I need help. I don't know what to do. How can I leave my little girl?

Question

My ex girlfriend and I were together for a little over 4 and a half years. She has a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship who's father was never really around. He's only seen her once or twice and that was years ago. Needless to say I was primarily that role for her and I still do a lot of things with them. My ex just got a job in another state and they will be relocating. I'm trying to figure out my place in this. I know I'm not her father and technically there is no obligation there but they were my life for 4 years. I don't want to make things weird or difficult I'm just looking for opinions on how you think the situation would best be handled. I really just wanna do the best thing for them. My ex's concerns are stability she's not sure about the in and outs and possible something came ups. But she also knows how strong our relationship is and would like to maintain it. So I'm at a loss. Please any input would be a big help

Answer 1

go with her

Answer 2

You need to talk to you ex about possibly adopting her daughter. That way she wouldnt have to worry about you running in and out of her life. You sound like you love her like she was your's, I am confident that if she was yours you'd treat her that way and you wouldnt be that type of father.

If that doesnt work out, just keep in contact. If you see her or talk to her often now, you should continue to do that. Maybe talk to her every few days on the phone. And go to visit once or twice a month. See if your ex would be willing to work with you on that. See if maybe you visit them one month and then the next month they come visit you.

Or if your ex is cool with it, relocate with them. Obviously, its going to take a while for you to get settled in there and wrap of your bussiness where you are not but if you really love her its worth it.

But for the most part your helpless in this situation. Everything depends on your ex.

Answer 3

wow dude. way to be a man. not everyone is like you

unfortunately, you have no legal right to the child. if you and your ex get along, I'm sure some type of informal visitation can be worked out. Maybe you can move to this other state as well?

Answer 4

id say move with to the new state with her....but then if she gets a new boyfriend its like gonna be really weird yanno?

so.....i think you should just stay where you are, write and stuff, call....and start your own family.

Answer 5

Move with her. Biological ties don't make you a daddy- being there does and you have been. You're her dad, it's that simple. And obviously your ex still has feelings for you if she wants to maintain the relationship. Go with them. =]

Answer 6

Hey guy I know where your are at and passably where your going. I was involved with a gal and even had a child by her.She already had a daughter 7 by a previous EX. I raised as my own till she was 18. holidays were a mess. child's father is still a drug abuser and alcoholic and bounces in and out of her life as he chooses. our personal relationship was a constant mess. emotional roller coaster. Ex and I love both children and a long custody battle over our child ensued. Mother made her oldest choose between her  and I  (Bad Mommy says Judge)

Now I have joint custody and my daughter 144 days a year.

Often causes strain on my new marriage with two new children. Moms can be bious with out trying. It happens.

Be there for the child and let her know you care and move on with your life. The mother is already moving on with hers. She has a Father and he can come back into the picture at any time. Live your life for you and find the one that cares for you.

Answer 7

If the mom is open to it, act just like you would if you were the non-custodial parent. Call, write, send little stuff to let her know that you're thinking of her. This may phase itself out naturally as time passes, but if it doesn't that's ok too. Kids can use all the love they can get.

Answer 8

I can't really tell you what to do, but just try to stay in her life. I really want to commend you, there needs to be more men like you in this world!!!!

Answer 9

well for sure the right thing would be in thier lives still but i don't know for sure because what if she meets another man and gets married that sure is gonna confuse the girl more right. talk it over with her mom and see all of her ideas and whatnot brain storm think it over a lot and then do what your gonna do. good luck to you.

Answer 10

just let her know that her mom has to do what she has to do and that you will keep in touch with her.

Answer 11

Well it all depends where she is. If its not to far maybe you could go up and see them on the weekends? Or maybe since its summer go up their for a vacation. Dont worry you'll figure something out. I know a girl in 6th grade and she didnt know her dad until she was 5 and her step dad didnt know he wasnt the father until she was around 5 and since he was there for her. even though him and her mom broke up he has joint custody i think of her even though they have no blood relation. If you love her it doesnt matter if you the 'real' father or not. Like my mom says a father is not who helped create you its someone who loves you and is always there for you. If she's known you for over 4 years of her little life she's not going to like not being able to see you. So I have faith and i hope you figure something out!

Hope I Helped :)

Answer 12

that is so sweet. maybe u can move 2? or go over there during the holidays? since u arent her real dad u cant really do much about it

Answer 13

well cry to her if u have to. tell her ur feelings.