I need help and advice with a crisis with my best friend of 15 years

Question

My best friend and i have been friends for 15 years, we are 22,23 year old males. growing up we were always against drugs, smoking, drinking. my friends father is an extreme alcoholic who is in terrible condition and got fired from his job years ago. my friend goes to school and work while also taking care of his p*****n nephews because his sister(there mother) is incapable of tending to them all the time, so the chore falls on him. recently it has been brought to my attention that my best friend has been hanging out with a 19 year old male who used to do marijuana and drugs when he was 16,17,18 but has supposedly stopped now, this person dropped out of community college and hangs out with other questionable people some much older(40's). my friend recently told me he drinks smirnoff(after his father is an alcoholic) my friend said he values my friendship but doesnt want me to tell him what to do, because he is a 22 year old adult. his personality is shy an quiet and is a huge follower, when with others. im fearful for my friends safety when he is around this one person because if he did marijuana at 16, who knows what else he is capable of, and i am also fearful that he is befriending my best friend cause he sees he has a steady job and is a follower and maybe he feels he can convince him with his assets to 'help him out' doing stuff illegally. i am friendly with my friends mother and want to tell her about this, i already talked to my friend and he said everything will be fine and not to tell him what to do, but he is acting very differently than years past and again im fearful for his safety. should i tell his mother about this knowing it could get the situation resolved, i am not afraid of losing him as a friend cause he wants to be my friend more than the other way, ive always looked out for him cause of his growing up and shy personality, i feel i need to do something now, please anyone, advice is so needed and appreciated, please help me with this, its stressing me out immensely and i cant sleep. thanks.

Answer 1

Your friend told you he is OK and is an adult and does not want your help.  It's great that you want to help him but just what could his mother do or say to him that you haven't already said?

He's a big boy now, a man.  You can't run to his mother expecting her to tell her adult son to stay away from this other Friend.  She cannot choose his friends and neither can you.  

Find yourself some friends that are nice and don't do alcohol or drugs and are stronger and more self confident.  Better youself and your life and let your old friend go.  He is going in a different direction than you want to go.

Sorry about your old friend!!  

Answer 2

Your friend is asking you to butt-out. It is possible that he is in over his head, or is just treading water. You only know a little about his circumstances. You can try talking to his mom and telling her what you know so she can at least watch things.

I the meantime, all you can really do is offer a sympathetic ear and stay on stand-by for when he needs someone to bail him out. Consider bailing him out carefully... perhaps have an agreement with his mother that you two will let him sit in jail and THINK about his life for a couple of days before posting bail.

Answer 3

you're friend is going through tough times finding who he is as an adult people change all the time i mean you might just have to have a talk with him he might not need help if he's not an alcoholic you might be over reacting but if he's drinking more than a normal person should at his age then he might need help but my brother used to be against stuff like that but he got older and started drinking, he's not an alcoholic but he drinks from time to time to just have a drink i wouldn't make a big deal outta it if it's not a big deal

Answer 4

Wow u write a lot :]

Well just let him learn his lesson then help him out when he needs help...