I need help asking this girl out!!!?

Question

i like this girl and her name is Hope. i want to give her a poem(she likes poetry) on her birthday. so far i got

Theres something about you

that makes me feel

as if nothing can go wrong

that nothing is real

my stomach has butterflies

just fluttering away

my heart is beating

in an unusual way

my mind races

cant think of anything to say

my knees feel weak

as i begin to sway

but when im with you i know every thing's okay

because my only concern

is that longer for you should stay

so just know this hope

in my life you are a big deal

and nothing i say or do

can express truly how i feel

Hope, will you go out with me

is this good? if not can somebody write me one??

thanks

Answer 1

Perhaps it might be just a bit quick. Start off telling her that you like her more than a friend and that if she didn't feel the same way you'd understand. Say that because one of my guy friends asked me out and he said he'd understand and that made me feel better in a way.

Answer 2

wow... really nice. love it. i just think u shouldnt include the last line with the poem. good luck!!!

Answer 3

Man A++

your a natural =]

trust me compared to most poems written by someone that isnt a poet..this tops the lists lol..most of the kids wqhen taking poetry in english class were writing stuff like  (Note: we had to write something about senses and words and they were stuff like 'Hate feels like" 'jealousy feels like")

they were writing stuff like:

"Jealousy feels like something prickily

can you feel that prickley pear

the prickles are prickly, its over there" LOL we were all laughing because everyone but about 4 of us were actually doing it properly (I was one of those four)

but that kid is always making jokes in english lol...funny-ones too

hehe!

...if someone else writes it..it wouldnt be from you..s it wouldnt be your own feelings in the poem, and it wouldnt be personally from you...

also I think you should give her something else other than this as well for her birthday...maybe write this in the card..or write it on fancy paper and stick it inside the card

-cam

Answer 4

That is great!!!  I think that she will love it..it would only be weird if you didn't talk that much.  Good luck!

I wish I had a boyfriend that would do stuff like that!

Answer 5

its really good but dont include last line of poem.

maybs say it after shes read it or something.

good luck....you must really like her but i hope she likes you too otherwise the poem will be taken as creepy (no offence)

Answer 6

its actually very nice........... but it would sound better without u telling her she's a big deal.U can have the last line removed too.All the best.....!!!

Answer 7

To keep it safe do not put the last line in. If you are willing to take the risk DO!!!

* by the way it is really good, and since she likes poetry she will appreciate you for writing a poem about her.