I need help before hes gone!?

Question

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 & a half years& it seems like everyday I come home praying he pops the questions. Or get kinda upset when its bed time & he didn't. I hint about it proably alot more then I should. Every song on the radio I think would I play that my wedding? & If I keep this up I know I will drive him crazy too & there won't be a wedding. It seems like ever since my BFF wedding (that I was in) & Its just been non-stop thinking about it. Everywhere we go friends/family ask why we aren't atleast enganged. I dont want to rush a wedding but in the next 2-4 years would be great!

*he blames money on why he isn't asking...he doesn't want to go into debt to buy a ring (I understand that but still) he said he wont be asking for another year+i don't know if I can wait for him

I'm so crazy I have everything picked out nothing bought but I could tell you what dress, whos invited etc.. HELP!! Its only getting worse.

Answer 1

He said that he wouldn't be asking you for another year or so - but you don't know if you can wait for him?

Try to think about what you are saying. It sounds like you want the wedding more than you want the actual marriage.

I understand that everyone wants to have their special day - and it's fun thinking about it; but if you are ready to give up on him just because he doesn't propose then do you really feel like you are ready to marry him?

You've stated that you keep praying he pops the question, the songs on the radio, the dresses, etc. - you never said how much you love him and want to spend your life with him.

A wedding is one day - marriage is supposed to be forever.

Like I said, I understand why you want to have a wedding...and by the way, it sounds like you have a very sensible boyfriend. He probably wants to get you the ring that you want and isn't willing to go into debt for it. I think that's a great quality to look for in someone - he is obviously thinking about your future. Just try to relax and know that it will happen sooner than you think.

EDIT: Well, it sounds like you have been good to him. You obviously have helped support him through these hard times. But maybe there is something else going on with him. If he has health problems or is injured maybe he is scared about moving forward in life. Who knows? Maybe you guys should consider some counseling. Or try and sit down and really talk with him - don't nag or bug him. Just tell him how you feel and tell him you prefer to have a $750.00 ring...see what he has to say. He is obviously scared or nervous about something, and it probably doesn't have anything to do with you - it's just something he might be dealing with right now. Best thing to do is try to have an open and honest conversation with him...

Answer 2

WOW, I am sorry..I may get thumbs down for this but here it goes.

I met my wonderful husband to be when I just started my Freshmen year of College. We dated for 18 months and he wanted to move in with me. I said NO WAY! This cow is not for free...He argued with me over it..But I was FIRM..I said No..Finally after realizing he wouldn't win, he popped the question. Then he thought we would move in together, I said Not in till we have a wedding date set in stone....Here we are, I just finished my last year in college and I graduated. Our wedding day is in 5 weeks and I have finally moved in...It was worth it and would of never changed it...I did NOT force him to propose to him, he knew that, but I was not going to be a live in girlfriend going through the torture of "waiting"...

I love my hubby very much and right now, I wished we would elope and not have a wedding. As girls, we always dream of that perfect wedding day...When it comes to planning the "day"..I sucks because you have everyone giving you 1000 different ideas...Look at your lovely man and be greatful that you have that relationship. Everything works out in the End. Everything happens for a reason. When your day comes, you will be happy...

Answer 3

Well, if its about marrying him and not the actual wedding, then maybe you need to talk to him about getting married in a very simple manner- go to the courthouse with your families then go out for a dinner afterwards. If you truly love him then let him know you just want to be married to him, you dont want a fancy wedding etc- and if you really do want a fancy wedding then maybe you could have it later when you are financially able to renew your wedding vows.

Answer 4

1. How old are you? I think sometimes teenagers start dating their boyfriend at 16 and expect him to propose at 20 and this really isn't realistic nor is it necessarily a good idea.

2. If you are mid twenties to late twenties, I would tell you to move on. I hate to say it, but it sounds like he has excuses about getting married, but it may just be that he doesn't want to marry you.

Honestly, there are so many women that post this question on here and it is easy for us as the outsiders to see the obvious.

I am sorry if this seems harsh.

Answer 5

Ok, I'm not sure I'm the best to give advice here...but, as an outsider maybe I can give some insight at least!

My best friend has been dating her man for six years now. They got engaged (finally) this past year and are getting married in five weeks!

She went through all the same stuff...thinking every moment for the last two years might be when he proposed. He always told her he wanted to marry her...and "this year, babe, this year is going to be the year" and then it went by, and nothing...

His reasoning was the exact same...he didn't want to go into debt, and also he wanted to be a bit more financially stable before getting married and combining debt, finances, etc.

In the meantime, she was going crazy...it was all she thought about and talked about with the girls...she often asked him about it and it would sometimes start small arguments because it frustrated him too...he wanted to get married to her of course, but wasn't ready to do it when she was! (they are 25 and 24 years old now).

She would start arguments often just because of her frustration. However, it did FINALLY happen! And truly at the perfect time. She didn't know it would be that way, of course, but once it did happen...she felt relieved and also grateful that it happened at that time in both of their lives.

Let me also say another thing. A few months before getting engaged, she got back into going to church and really built her relationship with God. Eventually, he started getting more spiritual and also attending church when he could. Now, they pray together and have God on their side. It was months after this that he proposed. Honestly, I believe that God wanted it to be the right time for them as well and was leading them through this all...

Ok, and one more thing. Shortly after these two began their new spiritual journey, she proposed the idea (after 4 years and a half years of dating and having s*x) of waiting until they were married to have s*x again. Originally, it began because of their faith and committment to God and then one another...but, I wonder if it gave some extra pushing to him in hurrying up the proposal! I don't wan't to speculate too much, because they are my best friends...but, I will always wonder!

If you are willing, I would suggest honestly praying about it. Then, after some time, I would suggest sitting down and having a heart to heart with your boyfriend. If you truly love hime, then waiting shouldn't be a problem...what's the difference between being together without marriage for one more year or two if you are planning to be together for the rest of your lives? I know you are excited about the actual wedding day, but honestly...marriage is SO much more than that day... I am sure I don't need to tell you that...

Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 6

I had a similar problem.  we had been together 4 years (lived together 3 1/2).  I finally just had a conversation about it.  I dropped hints.  When he were at the mall I'd walk passed a jewelry store and say "oh aren't the diamonds all pretty?"  

The reason mine held off so long was that he couldn't afford a ring either.  He ended up getting me a gorgeous tanzanite right (my fave stone).  It isn't expensive and I love it.  Let him know he doesn't have to do the whole 3 month salary c**p or whatever it is.  Just sit down and have an honest conversation about it.

I was exactly the same way as you too.  I had a dress picked out, and had everything planned. (well all my ideas anyways)

Our wedding is next year now!!!  

Good luck!!!

EDIT: 2 ct. is insane!!! have you told him you don't even like that? and It's not the price you just don't want one that big?  I wouldn't.  I told mine that if he went over 3/4ct I'd take it back.  I don't want anything bigger.  I'm actually even happier he didn't get a diamond.  Everyone has a diamond now mine seems extra special. (not to say you shouldn't have one.  If you want a diamond you should get one) but I think you really need to just sit down and talk to him

BTW, when I said I would point things out, it wasn't nagging.  It was kind of in a joking way.  For us, he would know that I wasn't nagging.  It may not work for you, if you do it he may think you are just pushing and nagging him.  For us it wasn't that way at all. (I reread my post and realized I sounded like a giant b* t ch. lol.) thought I would clear that up so you don't end up pushing him away if what I did would be taken a different way by him. lol

EDIT2: wow! some people are being really rude.  A promise ring is great.  Shows he does care for you!!! And planning your wedding before is not wrong.  I think most girls come up with all their ideas, as long as you understand that if he really hates something you've planned you will have to compromise  then you aren't crazy at all.

Answer 7

You've gotten yourself into quite a pickle.  

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... Either learn to be happy with the situation as it is or move on.  

Ultimatums don't work, nagging won't work, hints won't work.  You can't force a man to do something he doesn't want to...not for long anyway.  

If you do move on, don't move in with the next guy if what you're looking for is marriage.  Expect respect, and you'll get it.

Answer 8

You're not crazy- I'd already written out the details of my wedding, the song list I wanted, and bought the dress I wanted to wear to be married in-before my BF of 5 and a half years even proposed!!!  And we used to get into fights about marriage every time one of our friends got engaged or married, because I wanted to get married and he wanted to wait.  It was really the only thing we ever fought hard about.  But you know what?  I bided my time and waited it out, and he surprised me completely with a beautiful proposal, and we're getting married next September, on the 7-year anniversary of the day we met.  So there you go- it will happen, but he needs to be just as ready as you are in order for him to go into it with a happy heart.

Answer 9

How could you have already made all the wedding decisions for a wedding to a man you aren't marrying?  First of all, that's just creepy and second, didn't you think that he'd want input in his own wedding?

If you can't wait and be satisfied with how things are, then you should leave.  All the praying, bugging, nagging, and talking in the world won't make him propose if he doesn't want to.  Besides, why would you want to marry a man that you had to force?

Promise rings don't mean anything, by the way.

Answer 10

I was with my ex for 9 years...he didn't propose even though he said he would I didn't want to wait anymore so I left him  Best decision I ever made

Answer 11

You are wishing for a WEDDING but you are far too immature for a MARRIAGE. Sounds like he has what he wants already so no need for him to change the status quo.

Answer 12

Completely back off.  More important to your happiness is the realistic look at what you are doing.  A wedding is an overblown and ridiculously expensive one day deal that does nothing for the good or bad of a marriage.  A marriage you are hoping to last forever and ever.  If money is an issue now, you better think of everything else you will be "waiting" for.

Answer 13

Do you make him feel like a $300 dollar ring is unnacceptable?

At this point you should be ecstatic at the idea of getting ANY ring at ANY cost.

Many men feel pressured to spend big bucks and that does get in the way of a proposal.

If you want a wedding, pick an inexpensive ring and tell him to buy it (like $300).

or

Pick a semi-inexpensive ring ($600) and pay half of the cost.

If he says "I'd don't want to buy you a cheap ring!"

Then it's just an excuse to keep from asking you for your hand.

Remove ALL excuses to see if he is being honest about his intentions.

BTW - If I loved a man that much, I would'nt need a ring AT ALL.

It's just a symbol.