I need help dealing with a deep loss and i don't know where to turn... what should I do?

Question

i just found out this morning that a cousin whom I was very close to died in a violent car crash last night on her way back to school. i'm really confused and scared and I don't know how to deal with it

I would love some advice preferably without the "walk it off" or "look on the bright side." can anyone tell me how to get through this?

Answer 1

It's unreasonable to expect not to be effected by the death of someone close. You wouldn't be a feeling human being if you weren't hurt and bewildered by this.

It will take time to get used to the idea, and to mourn your loss.

Talking to others who knew and loved your cousin is part of the answer. Talking to others, those who care about you, especially those who understand something of what you're going through, will also help.

As for driving, yes, driving is dangerous. That doesn't mean it's not worth it, or that being a good driver isn't important.

Since this has just happened, you're in shock. That means having all sorts of reactions, some of them kinda nutty.

If you find that you now have a phobia about driving, that goes beyond just temporary, you may need professional help. Phobias are the most amenable to therapy of all mental problems.

Oh, and at this time of grief, if you encounter people who tell you to look ont he bright side of this tragedy, avoid those people. They haven't a clue, and will just hurt you more.

Answer 2

bad things happen to good people.....it's sad but true, don't fear driving because of this (as it sounds as though you have a newly developed phobia) my guess is it was the other drivers fault....but anyway on to what YOU should do. well the best thing to do would probably go into therapy professional help is the best solution here, most people on the Internet aren't trained in this sort of thing so any help we give would be highly inaccurate and may do more harm then good i would advise you to seek professional help as soon as possible

Answer 3

You have to realize that millions of things happen everyday like this that you have no control over. The worlds a crazy place, but it is times like these where you need to have a little self reflection and stop trying to push your emotions away. If your feeling sad, so be it. But dont take this situation so seriosuly to the point where your scared o driving. What's meant to happen, always does. Good or bad. Just keep your head up.

Hope this helps alittle? =)

Feel better hun.

Answer 4

you have to let yourself feel what you're feeling - don't try and block it out - cry, scream, shout, punch something - whatever it takes, and give yourself time.  Talk to someone if you think it'll help x  

Answer 5

I am sorry for your loss.

You are not your cousin.  Your life and your choices may not turn out the same way as hers did.  You can focus on this day, this day that you found out she died OR you can focus on her life and remember the good things about her and her life.

Answer 6

I am so sorry sweetheart, for your terrible loss. You have to grieve in your own way, and honor her in your own way...talk to her friends and especially her family, and ask them if there is anything that you can do, to help THEM through this horrible time...if there is anything of hers, that you have, or that your friends have, that you think that her parents might want, be sure to get everyone together as well as you can, and go to her family, and even if  you can, get some cash for them, if you think it will help, anything that you guys can come up with...Get photos and have all of her friends, show her family, *and you) support..and you will find that the more you bond, the better it will be for all of you....Time is a great healer, but that won't help you now...and if it helps at all,...the Bible says that she is sleeping, and doesn't know anything, like she fell asleep, and just is in a deep sleep...honor her with love, and sweet memories...cry with her family, and your relative that made her your cousin, your mom or dad

s brother or sister....and pray to God, for the strength to be strong for everyone at this hard, sad time. ...my prayers are with you sweetheart, this is a tough time for you now. xxxo

Answer 7

Don't worry about your driving skills they get better with time.  Just be careful, the more you worry about it the more likely you are to make a mistake.  

As for your cousin, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.  I had an experience such as yours when I was 17.  A very close friend of mine died in a car wreck one night leaving the party I was also attending.  I don't think you really get over it, you learn from it and accept it.  Life is on this earth is temporary and thats why I thank God he gave us a way to go on after this.  

There is no bright side about losing someone you care about only time will heal that wound.