I need help defining rules for dressing modestly (for a woman)

Question

So far I have this standard: back, shoulders, and mid-body (the area below the top of the b*****s to just above the knees) should be covered at all times. Do you think this is a good standard for dressing modestly? Should other parts of the body, like the upper arms or lower legs, be covered as well?

What is a good rule regarding skintight clothing? Should it be avoided entirely, or is it acceptable as long as it's covered by looser clothing? Here's an example:

http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk45/krl713/Clothing1.jpg

Can an outfit like this, which fully covers the body but consists of tight clothing, be considered modest? http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk45/krl713/Clothing2.jpg

Also, what should the standards be regarding swimwear? Short of a wetsuit or burquini, there's no swimwear which fits my standard for normal clothing.

Please note that I'm not trying to conform to any religion's requirements; I just want to attract as little sexual attention as possible when in public. And I need concrete rules for modest dress so I can properly explain and enforce them on my children (when I have them).

Answer 1

Honey, men aren't going to jump your bones in public just because you show a little skin.  

Yes, you can dress modestly without looking totally ridiculous or being very uncomfortable.

This is a very cute outfit, below and would seem to suit your current standards:

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/in...

As for your swim suit, well here's one for you:

http://www.buycostumes.com/Old-Time-Bath...

Okay, all kidding aside, here's a web site for a company that actually has some cute modest swim wear:

http://modestswimsuitsandswimwear.com/

If these don't appeal to you, you can google "modest swim wear" and a whole bunch of web sites pop up.  I guess it's a booming business these days.

Answer 2

I have 3 thoughts on this, and you'll probably take offense to the first one and give me a thumbs-down, but that's ok.

1. I think you're pretty full of yourself if you're thinking that if you don't cover EVERYTHING, guys are going to give you sexual attention. Most people are so caught up in their own stuff that short of wearing a bikini in public or flashing what you shouldn't, they probably won't even notice what you wear.

2. I think modesty is a relative term--it's what you feel comfortable showing or not showing. I know some people who think modest for women is skirts down to the ankle and NEVER pants. As for bathing suits, if you feel they're immodest, you can always buy board shorts and a t-shirt to wear over one. My mom's rule was that as long as she was buying our bathing suits, they had to be one piece and cover our stomachs (when I was a child, one-piece bathing suits often meant 2 pieces that were joined on the sides). Anyway, dress to fit your body type and look nice. You'll feel better about yourself.

3. I think you should hold off on thinking about your hypothetical children until it comes closer to that time (if that time ever comes). You never know what the fashion is going to be like then. We might all be wearing space suits by then. Who knows? Make the call then. If you over-protect your children, they WILL rebel, and I don't think you want that.

Answer 3

The answer is yes.

But you should show some leg.  A lot of guys that see women dress this way think they are stuck up and/or selfish.  Its usually never the case but its a guy typical stereotype.  Its mostly because its the norm for women to dress nice when they go out in public.  It doesn't have to always mean you dressing nice is to attract guys or be eye-candy.  It also means you have confidence in your body.  When you cover it up, it shoes less confidence and a lot of guys may not even want to have a conversation with you past "hello".

Even if you aren't going out looking for guys.  Its just like standing next a a guy who is dressed in a way where it seems he doesn't care about himself.  Would you be inclined to entertain a conversation with him after he said hello.  I wouldn't let what someone is wearing be a deciding factor on if I have a conversation with them.  But this is America and most of society does.  Just my two cents.

Answer 4

aren't you jumping the gun a bit?  who knows what the standards are in 10+ years.

Answer 5

wow your teenagers are going to hate you.

haha.

but i think it's important to  just not wear too short of shorts/skirts.

not too low of shirts or any belly shirts.

Answer 6

To make it simple, you could say, no skin should show between the neck and the lower thigh (just above the knee) except for arms.  This will take care of the back, cleavage, and the more immodest part of the legs (but allow for comfortable and modest shorts).  There are bathing dresses which have a tank top style at the top (full coverage in front and back) and go to mid thigh (just above knee).  As for boys, of course, you can't do that....you'd have to allow swim trunks and a tank top or else a tee shirt to go over the swim trunks.  

Of course this is assuming that you don't mind the knees, lower legs or arms showing.  

As for tight clothing, the rule could be, no clothing that adheres to the skin emphasizing body parts or the form of the body itself.

And a piece of advice from one mother to a potential mother....I understand you have your beliefs and your style, but you are going to face difficulties when your future children reach teenage years (and maybe even before) and you should really prepare yourself for: 1. rebellion against such strict guidelines, 2. mental health issues due to low self esteem, 3. mental health issues regarding body image, 4. emotional issues with regards to authority figures and overbearing rules (leading to your children entering into abusive relationships when they're older), 4. acting out due to all of the above.  

Good luck.

Answer 7

omg those examples of outfits look like something a martian would wear.  

As for the swimwear thing, wear something that FITS you good.  There's so many swimsuits out there that cover and push and pull and do everything you're looking for.  Don't rely on ONLY wetsuits lol

I know modesty is nice and everything, but make sure whoever is following these rules is COMFORTABLE and can walk ok lol

Answer 8

I disagree on covering the shoulders.  I think that the shoulders can be exposed and still be modest.  I do not think

However how modest are you going here?  Many would say a skirt has to cover the ankles.  And you have to draw a line with attention grabbing too.  Dressing Amish and walking around will grab you more attention than sexual attention.  And it completely depends on where you are.  On the beach, the standards should be very different.  An on-the-beach tiki bar would expect bathing suits with a coverup.  A real bar and restaurant that would be extreme.  

I think your pictures are very modest.  It's covered.  The tights are skin tight but they are tights.  It is impossible to buy baggy tights.  And again the torso is what is covered loosely.  But skin tight clothing that is tight fitting (especially through the hips and rise) cross that line.  

Like this is not modest even though it's fully covered

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bnittoli/76...

Or like a dress that technically covers the middle of the body but is spandex and resembles Jessica Rabbit is not modest.  Though it's not necessarily b/c she doesn't have something looser covering it up.  It was designed to scream s*x.  Some cocktail dresses are tighter and still modest.  

This fits her without being super tight but I still think it's modest

http://www.chiccreation.com/eluxury/el-d...

http://www.vintageous.com/v3476.jpg

I think wording matters more than anything.  Suggestive clothing makes even the most normal outfit immodest.  For example JUICY across a 12 year old's cheer shorts is inappropriate.  You must be this high to ride.  Or The Legend with an arrow pointing down.

One thing to consider though is what is in style.  Modesty varies by the time.  Just like women no longer where huge hoop skirts that cover their ankles at all times, it's hard to say what may be modest 10 yrs from now.  Right now, shorts are short.  Much shorter than when I was in high school and the style was big and baggy.  If you decided your daughter had to wear shorts that covered her knees, she'd be walking around in capris or jeans in 100 degree weather passing out from heat stroke.

I wouldn't go so far as to say as little sexual attraction is possible.  You'd have to dress like a dowdy old librarian in the movies for that.  And then you'd attract all the attention.  You can still be well dressed and modest.