I need help from anyone who knows anything about adopting a family member!`?

Question

Here is the situation. My husbands cousin got addicted to crack. The state told his wife that they would take care of her and her two boys as long as she stayed away from them. She moved away and everything was fine but she decided to be dumb and sneak around and be with him. They found out and stopped taking care of her and the kids. Now they have a court date on Monday to see if they can keep them or not... which is unlikely. My husband is the oldest boys god father. We really want to just adopt them. We don't want them ending up separated or in some crazy foster home. Would it be possible for us to adopt them? The mother wants us to as well. We can just provide a better life for them. How difficult would this be? Would there be a way for us to foster for a while before we adopt? I have no idea how this works and its all so last minute. If anyone has any advice or knows how this works... I would really appreciate your input. Thanks so much.

Answer 1

you can do a  foster care leading to a adoption through childrens aid society

just call cas and tell them you want to care for those kids and they will start the process of getting them to you if you meet all their standards

its not hard but it is kinda a long process i'm doing it right now and they say its going to take up to 2 yrs to be adopted but its easy to get the kids into your care

Answer 2

States vary in the details, but if the parents are willing to sign away their parental rights you should be able to do it fairly easily. If they are not willing it probably can't be done directly and will be a mess. In that case petitioning for guardianship is the easier way to go.

Answer 3

I was in the same boat as you over 4 years ago.  My cousins lost their children (due to several reasons).  My parents at the time were the only ones who could take all the children at first.  My cousins asked for them to come forward and foster the children.  They went to the DCS and told them they wanted to foster the children.  The state then started the paperwork.  They had to go to several training session and be certified in CPR.  Now if the kids are that deep into the system that is what you will have to do.  Now if it has not gone that far your cousins can simply sign over custody and you will be responsible until they can take the kids back (which usually also requires a court date).

Now my cousins never would get their lives together and their children were placed into perm. custody, my husband and I took custody of our son and adopted after rights were terminated.  You could foster for a year or so and try to help your cousin get her life together.  But remember your priority needs to be the children and if their Bmom and Bdad do not get their life together the children should not have to suffer and if they have a good life with you then I would move with the avenue of adoption.

Answer 4

Why not just offer to take care of the boys until mom can prove she has gotten her act together? Why rip apart a family? Why don't you foster the kids if they are apprehended by the state? Why rip apart a family?????

ETA You do NOT need to formally sever the ties between mother and child to ensure these kids have a stable home life. Adoption will always rip apart one family to create another, sad but true, this is what adoption is. You can do the exact same thing without adoption, it is called kinship care and if anyone in my family had the compassion to do this my child would have been better off by far.

Children suffer as a result of adoption, don't kid yourself on that. If you are truly interested in what is best for the child then allow them to retain their own identity. They have been through enough without loosing who they are as well.

Answer 5

You will need to find a lawyer that deals with adoption. Then sit down adn talk to the person who is facing the problems with the court and all that and IF they sign the rights away then you can adopt the kids but other wise, why not try to just have guardian ship. That way IF she does turn things around and can make a difference in her life then one day she might be able to get them back. Why adopt IF there is a chance that she can trun around. But other wise, you will have to get the family lawyer and they will have to sign the rights away. So good luck.

Answer 6

I was adopted by family members... the problem you run into is what are your intentions? why do you want to adopt them (forget all the saintly reasons... whats in it for you)? how old are the children? Will you be guardians and let the mother retain her identity and relationship with the children? How honest are you going to be with them?

The problems I have with my situation are as follows: my name was changed without my consent and then I was lied to about it and they never would tell me what my real name was... i was adopted at an older age than most, i was never shown any bab pics of me even when I asked for them, my adoptive parents had tried to adopt other children and basically i was the easiest to adopt  since i was family and i was not a cocaine baby, they fought natural mother in court to have me taken away from her without consent on grounds that she could not financially support me after divorcing her husband, i was lied to about all the family connections.. never told that i was actually related to them and DUH that's why we look alike!, to this day no one wants to talk about it, my adoptive parents basically needed a child to mend their marriage... my adoptive mom has told me over and over she never wanted children but by adoptive father did so that's how it went...

Basically and this goes for all adoptive situations, it gets sticky.. especially with family. ive known some other situations with fmaily adoptions that started out well but went downhil b/c everyone wanted to be the most important "parent" in the child's life etc and b/c lies were told... if you're honest with EVERYONE involved including yourself and the children, your husband, and the parents of the children it can be a good situation. another option to consider is simply becoming legal guardians and therefore not upsetting the child's familial relationships but still being the parent and being able to provide for and guide the child to the best of your ability.

In any case it sounds like the children need to be in a healthier more stable environment. If you can offer a healthy, happy home, and you want to despite all of the drama, then the best advice i have is be honest, love them, understand them, guide them, take care of them (and yourself) and enjoy them... at the end of the day, children are resilient, honesty is key but even with the most complicated of childhoods, with unconditional love, children whether adopted or not can do well (though some of us need a little therapy :)

Hi there, I hope my response helped some... I've read

more of the details you've added and so have more to say

simly coming from the adoptee perspective. If the children

are going to be put in foster care and the mom is not

willing to set aside her husband and provide the best

possible life she can for the children, then yes, I believe

you and your husband, since you know the children and

have the best intentions for them, should take custody of

them. My suggestion is to seek guardianship which should be fairly easy and is more flexible than adoption and would also allow the mom a chance to get her life together and also not sever family ties. I personally would be cautious about simply fostering them since that still leaves the state in control and things can get messy and while I believe the state has the best of intentions, children can get lost in the shuffle. Seek an attorney who can guide you and the natural mother through the guardianship process... it should be less complicated than adoption and it shouldn't involve the state as much as adoption or fostering would. I hope this helps and best of luck to your family and the children.