I need help getting out of the past. I just ran into my first true love and her husband today.

Question

I haven't seen her in about 10 years, but i still find myself attracted to her. I'm currently married to a wonderful woman, i have a good life, ect, but i can't get my ex out of my mind. I have had this problem for a while, but when i saw her, i just got depressed wondering what things would have been like for us. I'm afraid it will ultimately cause problems for my wife and I. I just want to love my wife the way i loved my ex, but i'm finding that very difficult. Anyone have any help for my situation?

Answer 1

Get over it, it's been 10 years. For real everyone dreams.  But that's just what it is a dream that you have drumed up in your head.  Wake up and see and appreciate what you have, not what you can't. Your wife deserves more respect from you even though she knows nothing about it, stop comparing the two of them. Your wife must have turned your head and you opened your heart to her.  If you love her, then fight for her with your feelings that you know that she deserves.  good Luck

Answer 2

Nope, only you can decide it's time to grow up and leave fantasy land.

She don't feel the same way about you so nothing is going to happen except you will act stupid until your wife dumps you for it.

Then, you won't have a wife and you still won't have the ex.

You will end up alone with nothing. Is that what you want?

Answer 3

Do you really think that life would be oh so much better if you say had married your ex? I think you'd probably feeling the same way as you do about your current wife. I could be wrong, but there is no way to answer all the "what if's" of the universe. I don't know you or your wife, but I imagine that there are still things about her that you do love and would miss if you were no longer with her.



First things first, forget about the ex. Even at my young age I've learned that, the happiest lives are those that tend towards appreciating simplicity. Adding this sort of complexity to one's life is never a good thing, so do not act on your feelings (you don't seem like you are going to anyway.) This might be hard, but as is the case with any love, you will forget about her in time if you keep her out of site.

Now onto your wife. Instead of letting this sort of thing build inside you why don't you try being honest with her? I stress that you must choose your words carefully when doing this, but basically just explain to her you realized recently how strongly you felt for this ex and while you do not feel this way about your wife right now, you really want to. This will open a dialog regarding what you expect out of your wife, and what she can do to make things better between you (make sure you've thought long about what it is that is missing from your relationship, I would try imagining what you think the perfect marriage should be.) Expect that she might be defensive at first and will probably point out your flaws as well, but make it clear to her that it is not your desire to have a fight, but to strengthen your marriage. If she loves you, she will understand and together you can work on developing your dream marriage.

Best of luck friend!

Answer 4

Oh my gosh I didn't realize it's that difficult to move on. Me and my first love broke up recently and I wanna move on badly. But yeah There's no point in wondering the what if's. you should enjoy what you have right now and don't risk losing all that for your ex.