I need help on writting a Dear Adopttee Parent Letter,need advice?

Question

Will write and send regstd mail a letter to the parents whom had adopted a baby in in 91, I have both birth parents with me at this given time and both wish me to be the writter, How do write this and what should or should not be added? Thank you.

Answer 1

If both birth parents wish to write it then let them both write one and send both. You off the hook.  If you are concerned that the child may not want the letters at the time. Write a letter and say I have letters from you birth parents please let me know if you wish me to pass them on

Answer 2

There is a good list of things that Adoptees Wish They Knew on  bastardnation.com   That might be a good place to start.  Knowing the internet, there has got to be a similar list for adoptive parents.  

Although, I am surprised that bparents want to contact the aparents.  The adoptee has or is about to turn 18...isn't that really who they want to contact?  Speaking as an adoptee, I can tell you with certainty that I would have prefered my bparents contacted ME, not my aparents.  Why the aparents?!  

This sort of first contact, in my mind, should be very short and to the point.  Basically:  I want contact, here is how to get in touch with me.

Answer 3

What do they want to say in this letter?

Answer 4

I personally would give them "just" enough information to know you're serious, but not enough to never contact you back because they have what they want.

I would leave out most of the medical information for him, pictures and just put in the basics so that they are encouraged to respond.

I know a "little" of the background here so I think getting a response is important and it feels to me like you could potentially be walking on eggshells with them.

I would keep it simple, yet identify enough so they know its "really coming from the natural parents" and leave ways for you to be reached, absolutely send it certified, and plan on sending more than one.

I would give basics like non identifying information does. As well as include information on what they hope to achieve through the letter ( relationship with their son, contact via aparents / son etc., pictures, updates )

good luck!

Answer 5

Must go to bed - it's very late here - but I agree that it should be short.

They may totally reject contact - and throw the letter in the bin.

Energy needs to be saved for when you have real contact with the adoptee.

I wouldn't give them too much. They're not really trust-worthy - from their past bungles - if you know what I mean.

And I'm sure they don't want to lose control.

As written from the first parents -

Introduce yourself.

State that you realise that your son will soon be turning 18 - and wanted to let him know that you are both fully open to contact - and are both willing to answer questions and supply information and perhaps photos - if he so wishes.

You would like to open communication lines - as you had heard that that was what was best for adoptees - from the many adoptees that you know IRL. (well - we're kinda IRL here - aren't we!! I am!!!)

You're also open to IRL contact - again if he wishes.

You mean no harm.

You're not after anything.

You hope that they'll keep the lines of communication open for their/your son - for whenever he chooses to make contact.

Hope that helps a little.

Let us know how it goes.

(IRL = 'in real life')

ETA: as far as a more detailed letter - I don't know.

I'm scared the adoptive parents may just throw it away.

Perhaps write out details - a little like a family tree - with contact info.

Key contacts etc.

Perhaps have the mother tell you part of the story of his birth and relinquishment - so that it's written down.

Write about what they have done in the years since.

Any marriages - and sibling births etc.

Again - hope this helps.

Oh - and make sure they've added their details to the reunion registries - both online - and in the state the child was born.