I need help to solve this unresolved situation for nearly 5 years! ?

Question

i am a 18 year old female and one of my best friend is an 18 year old male. we have known each other for just over 7 years!

i am a bit confused sometimes over our friendship, when i was 13/14 we started seeing each other but nothing serious, i never knew how serious he was about me as there was always rumors flying around school about him hooking up with other girls.

but typically as girls were i was attached to him and since then i have never been able to let go, always getting jealous when he was with different girls.

things only got serious when we were 15 and slept together for the first time and since then it seems as though we have a great friendship we feel so comfortable around each other but he uses me for sexual pleasure, but i can never say no or get swept away and then don't hear from him in days.

every girlfriend he has he has cheated on them with me ( which i know is harsh), and every time i get close to another guy to move on i always seem to compare them with him and there is no comparison.

he gets very jealous if im seeing another guy or hears im with someone then decides to pop back up in my life.

lately, hes been making remarks of how we're like a married couple and we know each other inside out and i really dont know how to take it.

its my cousins wedding on friday and their having a garden party after and he is my guest our families know each other which is also a plus, but i know all my family are goin to think we are together and they know so much about us, im just humiliated to say that im in love with him and im getting the jist thats hes not interested and just wants me when he needs me.

i would really like your opinions i think i have given you the overall situation of out complicated relationship, please help and suggestions on what you think i should do, but bearing in mind i dont want to lose our friendship.

thankyou

Answer 1

Wow...this is complicated.   I suppose I would have a friend feel him out to say something like...wow sarah is a really sweet girl...the two of you get along so well together and you are perfectly matched....why haven't you asked her out?  This way you can get the information without losing the friendship and if he feels the same way you do then the friend can help nudge him along.

Answer 2

You and your boyfriend were very young when you began a physical relationship. For girls this is an emotional act, for boys it is a physical act. He wants you available for his physical needs but without commitment.  His remark about the two of you being like a married couple, knowing each other inside and out could possibly be his opinion of your long term relationship and it may be meaningful to him for his physical needs, except for the important factor, that he has never been committed to "you" in the ways that you are committed to him.  You have fallen in Love with him and this is what women do that is very different from men.  He has not been challenged by you to know your emotional needs and you are entitled to your needs but you'll have to be honest with him.  

Now that you are both 18, you are both mature enough to discuss your emotional needs.  Your relationship can not continue being a physical need for his pleasure only.  It's not a healthy mature relationship for either of you.  

You need to think about the life you desire with a man and "begin" accepting that you are accountable and responsible for you and your own happiness.  If you want marriage and children, you need a man who is capable of being loving, caring and desires a family and has the qualities to be loyal and honorable.

From your post, you stated that you have not dated a guy that you are attracted to as much as this guy but you have to accept that you have made yourself available to this guy for so long that the "right" guy isn't going to know you're available until you are available.  The right guy isn't going to accept being second.  The same qualtities that you desire of a man, you should also be capable of offering.  

I suggest you have a heart to heart with yourself, decide what your true needs are.  Then approach your long term guy and have a heart to heart with him.  If he is interested in your needs, then he'll make your relationship a commitment, if not, I would be honest with him and tell him you are looking for commitment from a man and you won't be available for his physical needs anymore.  He may not like your decision, but he will respect your decision and possibly see the new you differently.  Now that he knows what you expect he'll have to meet your expectations.  Sometimes that challenge is what a guy needs to understand himself and his true feelings.  

Good Luck To You