I need help understanding this.?

Question

In late June 08 my Wife left me. I now understand it was my fault. I pretty much pushed her away. Soon after we had our baby I started ignoring and emotionally abandoned my wife. I don't understand why but I know it was a really bad Idea. At this point in our relationship we are going threw counseling and are hoping to move back in with eachother with in the next six months. Not all was lost but now she is really unsure about little aspects of the past. She is afraid I will do it again. Although I told her I couldn't do that to her again. I just wish I knew what changed about me to do that.

Answer 1

She was a used woman in your eyes (having a baby through the same exit that was only yours)  You needed to experiance something new.  Guys go through this and get over it.  You had to split..  You need to do more then tell  her it wont happen again, you have to assure her and start treating her like she and the baby are the only thing in your life...  Hey, you broke it and you and only you can fix it....  Gitter done...   gitter done.  good luck and god bless grant m in Pennsylvania

Answer 2

Go to psychotherapy to work on yourself, if you really want to save your family.

Answer 3

People have this idea of marriage.....We get our little white house with the picket fence,s*x is great,everything is so new and you and me against the world. Then reality sets in.....The newness wears off,bills,mortgage, you start noticing little things that really irritate you about that person,the way they keep a house,a noise they make when they eat,they know all your business,you have to answer to someone. But you still Love them!!! Then a Baby,Wife gets moody as h**l,its all about her,you feel left out,But you still Love her. Some people adjust well to marriage,others it takes time. Maybe you had to realize what you were about to lose that made you realize what you really had. A beautiful wife and baby (A Family). Nobody says marriage is easy. after 22 years of marriage,4 kids,tons of fights. Sometimes you even hate that person for a minute.But the bad times are what make a marriage strong,not the good.Anybody can be in a marriage when it's  all good. You have to accept that you are both human and neither one of you is perfect. It's learning to overlook the things that get on your nerves and remember the person you fell in love with. Try and get grandma to babysit and get to know that person again and all the things you love about them and why you wanted that person in the first place. If you are truely still in Love with her and you are getting help tell her like it was the first day you realized you loved her and what she meant to you and now you have a beautiful baby TOGETHER. Good Luck!!! I hope everything works out for you both and give your wife and baby a big kiss and be thankful for what GOD gave you....

Answer 4

You need to ask yourself if you are going to do the same to her if she agrees to move back in with you.

She won't if she doesn't trust you anymore.

The baby is your priority. Whatever you do now is mainly for the baby's well-being.  

Answer 5

Change is hard, and people s***w up. I don't want to say your response to having a baby was normal, but it wasn't uncommon. Of course she's hesitant to get back together with you. It will take time for her to trust you not to do it again. Learn from your mistakes, and don't s***w up again. All you can do is move forward.  

Answer 6

I would think the counseling, and the effort put forth would be enough,  work on it with your counselor TOGETHER

Answer 7

You broke her heart dude. You have to show her you cherish her and appreciate her as you r wife and a wonderful mother to your baby. It seems that she hasn't seen the change she needs to see to feel comfortable. You need to discover what you did and why you did it. What was your parents' relationship like? Start going on your own to find out why you would be emotionally unavailable to someone who needs you most and that you led to believe you would stand by her.

Figure where else this happened in your life. Who abandoned you?

Answer 8

If you're asking what caused you to start ignoring, etc. her, it's possible after the baby was born you began to feel left out of the equation.  This does happen to some men.  For some, it brings them closer and for others it causes them to put up barriers.  It shouldn't, but it does.  Before the baby, it was just the two of you and your wife didn't have to share her time with anyone.  Things change after a baby comes into your life.  Everyone handles things differently.  I hope you guys are able to put your life back together.  It would be most beneficial to you to know what did happen.  Counseling should help you answer this question.  If you have not done so, you would benefit by approaching this question with the counselor.  

Answer 9

Well you cant blame her for being extremely upset, scared and afraid to trust you again.

I left my partner in March (we had a one year old) and after 3 months he begged me to come back and go to counselling.

We now go to counselling but I must say the past is ALWAYS playing on my mind and it is really up to YOU not to mess up again.

My partner knows I have the strength to leave again if he mucks things up again.

It is not good enough to simply tell he youve changed - you have to SHOW it and PROVE it - and time is needed to do that.

Going to counselling is  the best thing I did for my relationship. But dont expect it to fix overnight.

The only way it will work is if BOTH parties are WANTING it to work.

Keep the communication flowing and reasure her constantly that you want to change. I know you might feel like 'less of a man' for feeling like you are grovelling over your wife - but just do it for the sake of your baby and the mother of your child!!!!!

Answer 10

There are many reasons for what people do.  Counceling will help you work through what those reasons were.

You need to build the trust again.  She doesn't trust you right now.  The only way to rebuild trust is to be consistant.  There are ways to build it again.  Just be sure to follow through with what you say.  If you say you wont drink, don't.  If you say ill be there at 10, then be there are 9:55.  Just do what you say you will do and she will slowly start taking you more seriously.

Answer 11

well, its quite natural that she is unsure, may be you can't prove yourself in a day or two, not even by your words, you need to prove by your deeds and behviour, it takes time, but have persevarance, results will be sweet enough

Answer 12

Just try to show her that you are eager to be with them.  Be honest with her. Ask forgiveness of what had happened of the past. Never break the promise so she will not leave you.  Good luck

Answer 13

You abandoned her in a very critical time.  She loves you but now she doesn't trust the relationship.  

The only thing that will help you now is time.  You are lucky she is giving you that time to make amends.  

Trust me, you will be making up for this for a long time.  Women need to know that you are going to be around in good time and bad.  You kinda blew it.  

The reason you took off was because the responsibility of a baby is HUGE and you dropped the ball.  Don't get me wrong, I understand you were scared and freaked out all at once.  

She needs to know you won't back down from a challenge when the going gets tough.  Just hang in there. Show her daily that you can handle things and you can be a help to her.  She will eventually come around.  

Answer 14

You want an overnight change.  It will never happen, because the problem did not occur overnight either.  It takes time to trust again.  Give her the time, while in counseling to trust you again.

You may have messed up.  She may end up feeling really good about herself again, and want to pursue new relationships in her life.  You should have done this a long time ago.

I certainly hope that this step will work, if you try to be understanding, and listen to what she is feeling.  Then ask how you can make things better.