I need help with a huge adoption problem.... We adopted a 10 year old boy and we have major problems need help

Question

MY HUSBAND AND I ADOPTED A 10 YEAR OLD BOY 2 YEARS AGO THE COUNTY AND THE AGENCY FAILED TO DISCLOSE MAJOR ISSUES AND SUGAR COATED ANY OF HIS PROBLEMS THAT HE HAD BY TELLING US HE JUST NEEDED A STABLE LOVING FAMILY WE FELL FOR IT AND 1 YEAR AFTER WE ADOPTED HIM HE SEXUALLY ASSUALTED OUR 12 YEAR OLD NEPHEW, OUR 2 MONTH OLD GRANDSON AND ANOTHER BOY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD! WE CALLED CYS AND HAD HIM PUT IN A FACILITY FOR HELP...SINCE THEN HE HAS ADMITTED TO SEXUALLY ASSUALTING 11 OTHERS AND EVEN SEXUALLY ASSUALTING THE DOGS IN THE LAST FOSTER HOME AND THE ANIMALS HAD TO BE PUT TO SLEEP ( THIS WAS NOT TOLD US BEFORE WE ADOPTED HIM) BUT THE FAMILY TESTIFIED AT A HEARING WE HAD WHERE WE TRIED TO HAVE THE ADOPTION OVERTURNED! WE JUST HEARD TODAY THE JUDGE RULING REFUSING TO OVERTURN THE ADOPTION ... HE HAS NO LAW THAT SAYS HE CAN...CYS IS SUING US FOR COSTS OF HIS TREATMENT AND W/LAWYER BILLS ETC...I THINK MY HUSBAND (WHOM IS DISABLED) AND I WILL LOSE OUR HOME++ OR LAWYER SAYS ITS USLESS! HELP!

Answer 1

hello i need a help

                                      

hello,

       i am kelvin a young boy of 21 my dad is a nigerian and my mum is an american both divorced now.

       i have a dream of becoming a prominent footballer because i have the skill,experience and all it takes but i have no helper or sponsor sotherefor i appleal to you to come to my aid in helping me make my dream come true as a footballer.

NOTE

       if you are interested in helping me god will never forget you in any way and been a servant to you is absolutely accepted.

       you can contact me via [e-mail]

Answer 2

Have him committed he needs some serious psychiatry help! He sounds as if he is a danger and could quite possible grow up to become a pedophile.....Get him help ASAP!!! I think it takes 2 signatures you and your husband could do this...

Answer 3

I think Joslin has given you the best informed answer.  All I can do is put myself in your place, and I tell you, I don't think I would know what to do with myself either.  It's very easy to sit here at a computer and judge others, but I can't for a minute imagine going through such a traumatic experience.

I think the first thing to remember is this is your son.  Adoptive parents are NOT experts, with endless amounts of patience, and magical knowledge, just the same as biological parents.  ALL parents need to ask for help at times, to varying degrees, which is why the systems that are in place exist.

I do know that in some very extreme cases (and it sounds as if this qualifies as extreme), parents actually 'hand over' the care of their children, effectively making them a ward of the state.  This is usually because the parents are left without any further options, and are also thinking of meeting the child's needs in the only way left open to them.  

It is obvious to me that this poor child has extremely severe, probably unimaginable emotional and psychiatric damage, that has been neglected terribly by the state representatives who were responsible for his care before you became his parents.

I would seriously consider this option, it sounds as if your son needs some incredibly intensive treatment and support, and he also needs your love, which you are struggling to be able to give him at the moment.

This is not about placing blame, and it certainly isn't about 'giving the kid back', it's about making the best choice you can, as your son's mother, that will cater for his needs and advocate for his best interests.  You have a right and a responsibility to ensure that someone gets this child the help he needs, and unfortunately the only way to having that happen may be to take the problem partially out of your hands, at least temporarily.

And to those of you who are judging this family, and telling her that she sees children as 'commodities', I assume you have been in this exact same position?  With this exact same child?  And found the perfect solution?  No, I didn't think so.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your heartbreak.

There is tort law for "wrongful adoption." In this case you establish that the agency misrepresentated the situation, and the child is returned to state custody.

I'm an adoptive parent, not a lawyer, but it would seem to me that your nephew, grandson and the other boy could all take action against the agency. It's neglect and misrepresentation was a direct cause of their injury.

In the meantime, you should not have to pay the costs of care. Check your adoption subsidy agreement. Most often they include provisions for ongoing medical and psychological care for pre-existing conditions.

If your subsidy agreement does NOT include this, then you may have another count against the agency.

Also, check to see if your state has an adoption preservation unit. If so, this agency will have resources and help available.

if all else fails, you should be able to surrender your parental rights.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I agree with Joslin!  

I understand your reason for wanting to overturn the adoption, but remember that this child is YOUR child now.  If he was born to you, you would not have the option of having that overturned.  Perhaps you need to look at additional resources of how to obtain help for this child.  I know it is hard, almost impossible at times I'm sure, but you need to remember that this is your child - regardless of the horrendous acts he has done.  If he was your bio-child, how would you help him?  Even if it means institutionalizing him or having him arrested.  If nothing else, you need to find you and your husband a support group or counseling that can help you and your family thru this!

Good luck to you.  Sending hugs & prayers your way.

Answer 6

OMG!! I can't believe what I just read.  I had no idea you adopted.  How kind of you!  Anyways I totally understand how you feel.  You and your husband did a good thing and tried to help him out, but it's not working.  I dont understand why you can't turn him over.  I was watching a program where a family had three children and the youngest one had autisim.  They were a very loving family but all the child did all day was scream her loudest.  She was always stabbing people with everything and looking for knives.  Well they turned her over without a problem to the state.  Do you have an attorney?  I am os sorry about all of this!  I will pray for you and your family!

Answer 7

Its clearly all about the child isn't it. Always was, always has been, always will be....clearly.

( hope you sensed my sarcasm )

Whoever says children aren't commodities?! Faulty product, didn't get what you paid for, just return them.

Answer 8

0_0 wow, well I don't really know but maybe you could re-disown him or maybe you could find a way to prove that you don't have the stuff needed to take care of him like money and stuff like that.... I'm pretty sure if you can do that they will let you give up custody of him.

Answer 9

You need to get the HESGH ("Health, Education, Social and Genetic History") that was filed in the court.  This will have a definitive answer whether this information (any of it) was disclosed, or not.  This is the crux of the case.  It either was, or was not.  And then you need to get a qualified attorney -- not just an attorney.  One that is AAAA qualified as an expert in adoptions.  If this information was not disclosed to you, then you will win this.  But, unfortunately, there has GOT to be more to this than meets the eye.

Dig, and get the right kind of legal support.

Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Can you turn him into the state. Call Family Services and tell them you cant handle him any longer. I think they can do something. I adopted a little girl a few years back, and I'm having problems with her too, not sexually attacking anyone, but she mean to other kids and mean to my dog. She acts out at school everyday. I want to try and find her a new home, with two parents. I think she would be better with two parents that love her than a single parent.  Good luck to you and pray that your state will do something.

Answer 11

I have heard that many older children that are adopted have mental and even physical problems. I just can not believe that these things were not told to u. Your child needs lots of help. I am not aware either of anything out there to help u overturn an adoption. I would think once an adoption is done and legal that child is all your problem. U may spend more money fighting the system than u would to keep the child in a state hospital.