I need help with adoption. Im an adult adoptee who didnt know when i was younger that i was adopted.?

Question

I am an adoptee and i didnt know this until recently. I have not told my wife or my children that daddy was adopted. How do i tell my family especially my lovely wife?

Answer 1

My uncle didn't know he was adopted till he was an adult. He just went ahead and told his wife and children. It didn't change anything for them. He still loved his parents. He then decided to look for his biological parents. It doesn't change who u are.

Answer 2

Not being adopted myself, I am wondering what you are afraid of.  Do you think that it will change your relationship with your wife or your kids?

If my wife told me that she was adopted, I wouldn't think any less of her.

Answer 3

Just tell them you WERE adopted. Adoption is a one time process not label or a disease. Don't be afraid of it. It's part of your life and who you are. Your family will embrace it if you do.

LillieH-That is exactly my point. Adoption is forever. Accept it,embrace it, love who you are.

Answer 4

Its really hard to find something like that out. Please visit www.latediscovery.org

I suggest (about telling your family ) to just sit them down and tell them that you found out. How you found out and how that makes you feel. That you could use your wifes support while going through this self discovery process, and it could even be  hard on your children because now,  a part of THEM is missing, and has been rejected or abandoned, or can be maybe feeling a bit out of place. So being there, being honest and supportive to your kids through this time is important too. Most importantly is honesty. Just be honest. Honest about your feelings and allow honesty w/ their feelings. Good luck!

Answer 5

just tell them. tell your wife first ofcourse. tell her you just found out you were adopted and that youve been taking it well for the most part and that it has gotten you thinking about life in general and that you are grateful that you have what you have and that it probably never would have happened if you werent adopted and kiss your wife and hug your family and then everything just comes down on its own. take action. dont let time pass..

Answer 6

Just tell her, I'm sure she would like to know!

Answer 7

So, what is the problem?  Just tell them.  It's not an earth shattering - world coming to an end discussion.

Answer 8

I am sorry you went so long not knowing.

Let her know, then you two can talk together and find the best way to let you kids know.

I placed a beautiful baby boy for adoption almost 5 years ago and I am so happy that it is an open adoption and he knows his story. I feel it is best, then you don't feel like you have been lied to when you find out later in life.

Answer 9

just tell her.  I think she'd like to know but wouldn't be upset by it.  What're you worried about?

Answer 10

take yr wife out to dinner and tell her you have a serious matter to talk about regarding your parents.

then just tell her.

In my opinion, children do not need to know

Answer 11

Just tell them... I think its great your parents adopted you, There is alot of love in your life, ;}

Answer 12

My niece who is 7 thinks that her dad is her biological father. He mom keeps saying that she'll tell her, but hasn't . So when we talk about my son, who is adopted I ask her questions like:

Do you feel like "m" loves you like you other cousins?

Do you love him just as muck too?

What do you think he'll feel when her finds out what adoption means/ You know get them comfortable with the idea that G-ma and G-pa are still who they were yesterday and love them the same. let them know they made a loving decision to adopt you.

Answer 13

OK I'm not sure what Cam is talking about but being adopted is something that lasts your entire lifetime, it's not a "onetime" deal, it never ends, it never goes away.

How shameful and selfish of your aparents to never tell you, I am so sorry you just found out now!

Start by telling your wife; hopefully she will be a source of great support and strength for you as you go through this journey.  I'm sure you have a lot of emotions to deal with, it's always better to have a support system in place!

Once you and she are in a good place with it, then tell your children.  Kids are smarter and more understanding than we give them credit for sometimes.  

And be good to yourself...this is a lot to take in, so whatever you find yourself feeling about it, allow yourself to process it and feel it...you are allowed to have whatever feelings you have about this.  There are no right or wrongs.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 14

I would go to

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

and register, and then look for bb_church

He is also what is called a Late Discovery Adoptee and has been working with other late disco adoptees for years.

I am sorry you were lied to like this.

Answer 15

Tell your wife and then discuss how best to tell your kids. There are boards and sites for LDA (late discovery adoptees) to help you also. Its wrong that your adoptive parents didnt tell you.

Answer 16

Be truthful with your wife right away. Your adopted, and had and have not control over the past.  The longer you delay talking to her couldcause problems.   I'm sure she will be very understanding and will be great support for you.  Finding out as an adult is more difficult.  Tell you kids in an age appropriate way.  My daughter is 6 and does not know that I'm adopted.  I will explain it to her soon but at this point I don't think there's an immediate need.  Some children, like my daughter, might worry or think too much about it.  I would rather her not dwell on it.

There are a lot of web sites for people in the same situation as you.  You would be referred to as an LDA (late discovery adoptee).  put this into a search engine and you will get a lot of advice.

Answer 17

You just have to tell them, honestly there is nothing wrong with being adopted. Its unfortunate  that your parents didn’t tell you. I would tell your wife first, then you can tell your children together. Perhaps read them a storybook about adoption and say that Daddy is like the main character as he was adopted.

Answer 18

To someone who is not adopted, this is sort of 'interesting factoid', not likely to upset anyone in your family. To someone who is adopted, I expect it is more like trying to figure out if and how this changes who you think you are. I expect you'll spend some time thinking about it, but that you'll figure out that the biology is not nearly as important as the other aspects of family.  Your wife and children aren't likely to be upset if you're not. If you are upset, try to think through why that is before you upset everyone else. How about talking to your adoptive parents first, if they are still in your life?