I need help with an emotionally sensitive 8 year old boy...?

Question

My boyfriend has 2 wonderful boys, 6 & 8 years old. We have been dating and living together for 2 years. The boys mom and I agree basically on everything parenting wise. My bf is an extremely sensitive guy, who takes everything personal. His oldest son is the same way. We have the boys every 2 days.. When we have them, the oldest cries over everything! If he stubs his toe (no blood), if his brother took the wrong pillow for bed, hungry, tired, cry, cry, cry. My bf's idea on how to deal with this is talking to him... I think that is great but I have been watching this for 2 years and he still crys over something everytime we have him. Good example from the other day... I was playing with him when he was doing his homework... Each wrong answer he got I would poke him with a never been sharpened pencil... He loved it... He kept putting wrong answers... I poked his bellybutton and he broke into tears!! You hurt me, he said... I explained I didnt mean to hurt him. Kept crying. Im at a loss!

Answer 1

HE'S A LIL *****... U SHOULD PLAY ROUGH WITH HIM SO HE CAN MAN UP AND IF HE CRIES OHH WELL... :D

Answer 2

Since his dad is a physician he should know of some really good councilors. I would suggest him seeing a counselor so he can learn to show his feelings when it's the appropriate feeling to express but he needs to learn to control his whining because one day he's going to have a real problem and nobody might really pay attention. You know the story about the boy who cried wolf? I realize his whining is probably some because of real pain or problems he doesn't know how to deal with but it sounds like alot of it is for attention. Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm goin for the fact that when he's at home with his mom, he pulls this crying mopey act and gets whatever he wants!  So when he goes to your house he tries the same thing.... you need to put your foot down and make him realize that it doesn't work like that at your house!! it may sound bad but maybe you should ignore it and send him on his way until he's finished?  My son does the pouty "poor me" face and attitude and it drives me up the wall!! I mean just by his mothers reaction to a jammed finger is your answer to why he's over emotional.......or perhaps he doesn't get enough attention?

Answer 4

I would call his bluff. Play the "oh dear, since you're so upset you had better go to your room and lie down quietly on your own until you feel better" card. No computer, no toys, no attention. He'll feel better in no time flat.

Answer 5

My 8 year old has been overly sensitive his whole life. You can't try talking him out of it because it draws  more attention to it. Give him a cup of water and send him to his room to calm down. Do by all means teach him breathing exercises to calm himself, but a drink (drinking calms people down since they can't physically cry while they are sipping, it gives them breaks) and some alone time should help. Make sure you tell him to sip on the water to help himself calm down.

Also talk to his teachers at school. If this is a problem at home, this is a problem at school or he is pulling one over on you. Ask them what they do to help him calm down. My son's teacher sends him to the water fountain for a drink and usually when he comes back, he is ok. All the attention from classmates make him feel worse so it can make the whole thing worse.

Actually, he's just about over his overly sensitiveness and his calm down time is much shorter now. We've been working on this with him for years though, and once we stopped trying to talk him through it, and just started giving him the tools to handle it himself is when we started seeing a big turn around, which makes sense. Kids need to know how to control their own emotions. Sometimes when I see him about to loose it, I say deep breath and shake it off. This also helps. Once he looses it, he is responsible for calming himself down.  

Trust me, it really helps.

Oh, and cutting down sugars in beverages will help with the weight too.  No more juices, soda, chocolate milk, etc. Those calories can make a major impact. I don't know if ya'll have done that yet, but it may help. We use flavored water etc. for fun drinks, lol.

***Post Update***

Ok, since this is solely a problem at your house, it is completely emotional manipulation. I would sit down with your bf and talk to him about how this is emotional black mail, and explain why you think it is so.

Then sit the kid down, and let him know that since he only has the dramatic emotional outbursts at your house, you are aware that he is trying to manipulate the situations over at your house and you won't be giving into it. If he gets emotional, he gets a drink and sent to his room. When he comes out, ignore the bad mood. Its not your problem. Limit the computer time in general. If you do not flex on any of it, then his fits will be shorter and fewer.

Try to do something as a family every night. All 4 of you. Board games and cards are big in our house. Go outside and play kickball, soccer, basketball, tag etc.  This will help the bonding, which will help him feel like part of a special group of people that he doesn't want to upset. If he cries, he gets sent to his room and misses some of the game. When he comes out, -OH, we are proud that you calmed down. We were hoping you'd want to join us.

Try filling your house with laughter and encouragement too. If everyone else is laughing and enjoying each other, he'll hate seperating himself from the fun with his poor attitude. Then when he is playful let him know how funny he is, how much you love it when he laughes, etc. I call my 8 year old a goof all the time. He loves that stuff. It really helps him perk up.

Try to make whatever family event you do about laughter and a good time and  not solely competition. Be overly dramatic in your goofiness. I'm a big believer in kid's needs for silliness in their life. It helps them find that kid core and stress a good bit less.

Answer 6

it is hard for him remember. He really does not have a stable life or a place to call home. He is constantly coming and ging between the two houses. Kids need stability to feel secure. I think councelling is a good ida. Also as I say to my kids who still cry over the slightest knock at times "is crying stopping it from hurting? Is it helping? No, so instead give it a rub"