I need help with my 10 year old son?

Question

I have 10 year twins a boy and a girl, my daughter is a bundle of joy in our lives; however, my son is not so joyful. He acts 5, he is whiney 90% of the time, he hardly has any friends, he cries at the drop of a dime, we have to stay on him constantly about his schoolwork, he becomes obsessed easily with certain toys to the point we have to remove them from his sight for awhile, as to get his mind refocused. Also, he lies about stupid things, and he has this attitude that the world should revolve him and if it does'nt you are going to be misearable.

We absolutely love him; however, he is not a very likeable child. I was wondering, is this normal behavior for a 10 year boy? Does anyone have any coping suggestions? As it stands, we do not even like taking family vacations, because if he is not happy, he will make darn sure no onone else is happy either!

Please Help!

Shannon

Answer 1

If you are comparing him to the girl forget it he is just himself.

Answer 2

Children do what works for them. He has obviously gotten attention and gotten his way with this kind of behavior. Its very hard to take 10 years of habits and suddenly change them. It will take time, but youre going to have to start fresh with the discipline. He has to have consequences for his actions and you have to be consistent. When my son starts to whine, I simply tell him..I dont listen to whining I listen to talking and I ignore him until he talks to me in a normal voice.

Answer 3

maybe he notices that you pay more attention to his sister ?

Answer 4

Boys and girls are so different and you really cannot compare the two!  First, you need to be consistent in your discipline and you need to take your emotions out of the picture.  If he can read your emotions he will manipulate you.  Also if you are always angry or expressing negative outward emotions toward his behavior he will associate it with him personally.  make a list for yourself of bad behavior problems and determine the punishment and stick to it.  For example if he whines i would without emotion tell him I love you and i would enjoy having you around but i am not going to listen to you whine.  i would send him to his room and tell him when he can act appropriately then he can come out.  or set a time for how long and when the time is up have him decide if he thinks he can act right.  This will take time to break his habit that is 10 years in the making dont expect next month to bring change.  if you send him to his room screaming and crying you must ignore him.  parents often yield before children and if you wait it out eventually he will get bored and stop.  if hes acting like hes 5 whatever he is wanting or trying to get you to do be firm and say no.  if he continues he can go to his room.  when he acts good then reward him.  Dont allow him to make you miserable.  if you want to do something as a family make sure he know you want him to go but remind him if he acts inappropriately then you will leave him home with a sitter.  if he sees that you guys are going on with life reguardless of his actions and he cannot ruin your day, he will eventually want to be apart of it too.  make sure you punish your daughter equally even if she rarely does wrong you want him to see that the punishment is consistant.  I would also take time each week to do something with only your son  so he can have just your attention to reinforce how much you love him.  If he is obsessed with a toy perhaps you should try to understand why he likes it so much.  example if its a toy based on a cartoon why dont you try watching it with just him. ask him questions so he feels that your interested in it too.  learn the toy names and what they do so you guys can talk about it and he can feel a connection to you based on something important to him.  best of luck!

Answer 5

Maybe you should try changing your attitude about your son. Children do often pick up on these things. You may not realize it but you seem tot have a negative attitude about him. Saying things like 'he's not so joyful' or 'he's not a likeable child', reflects upon how you view him which he may pick up on. I can tell just by reading you question that you obviously prefer your daughter, which he may be picking up on also. He may be sick of being compared to his sisiter, whom is viewed as 'the good one' in your eyes and might just be reacting as to what you view him as. Instead of focusing on his bad behaviors and his sisters good ones try to do it the other way around. He may feel that she gets all the positive attention, and he gets all the negative so that is what he keeps looking for. Most of the time we can change our childrens actions and reactions just by changing our attitudes.

Answer 6

this is normal for most boys to want to play like video games and nothing else that is normal...but the fact that you don't necessarily like him just sceves me...i mean just give him some time he might just be going through a stage...ya know..if it has becomes a month or so and nothing changes go to like a counceling office or something