I need help with my 11 year old son he has angry outbursts and when i dont give in to him he tries self harm?

Question

Is there some where i can go for help. i have taken my son to a specialist and they said there is nothing wrong with him, we have been seeing cams for about 12 months but that didn't really help and now we have lost access to a cams worker. he gets angry over the smallest things and when he doesn't get his own way he threatens to break things or to hurt himself.. i used to have a drug problem a couple of years ago and i thought that must have been the problem because there was always people around and some of them not very nice. but i have given up all drug taking i don't drink alcohol and i don't have contact with any of the bad people that were in my life.. and he seems to have gotten worse.. i have tried being really patient but he pushes me even harder then and i am at my wits end. i feel terrible because i resorted to slapping him tonight because he was going to smash a glass pane in a door. I shouldn't slap him i know that. He can also be very sweet and loving and funny but he can go from one extreme to the other in the blink of an eye. Does anyone know if there is some real help in the riverland for me and my son???? PLEASE HELP US

Answer 1

Have you talked to him?  Have you asked him what is going through his mind when he goes from one extreme to another?  and most importantly, is this behavior present at school, or just at home?  If he's just doing it at home, then it's all for your benefit.  If there were a medical reason he's acting out, then he wouldn't be able to turn it on and off.  Almost every city has a free clinic.  Most of them do offer psychiatric help.  Taking him to get tested for bipolar disorder's etc, and ruling them out may mean you need to start making him responsible for his actions.  Also, he's threatened to hurt himself, has he ever actually done it?  Unfortunately, kids these days are smart.  Smarter than we were as kids.  If his threats keeps him from getting in trouble and allows him to get away with his behavior, then you may just need to assert your parental authority over him.  But most definately you need to rule out any medical issues.  If you don't have the monetary means or insurance, try your local health department and free clinics first.

Answer 2

interesting problem so you have tried taking away highly processed foods?

lock him in a  safe room and just let him go off not much more that you can do other then that i would think.

as for the slap you are not perfect no one is forgive yourself for the mistakes that you make and try not to make them again but don't be so worried if you do everyone makes them now and then

Good luck  

Answer 3

pray

Answer 4

Is his mother around? If not, that could be part of the problem.

Look into it more. Is anything going on at school? Is her being bullied?

I know this may seem a bit like weird to say, but its just a suggestion; Does he drink? Drugs?

Talk to him calmly without raising your voice.

Maybe you could take him out somewhere where he would enjoy? Try doing more things with him like days out etc.

Good luck x

Answer 5

Gert, I suspect your child is depressed.  The very first sign of depression is extreme anger and/or violence.  the violence stems from not being able to communicate his desires effectively.  Cams people ar ok, but you nee t o take him to see a psychologist/therapist that specilizes in depression, anger, and childhood issues.  He might have a chemical imbalance, even a slight one, like an elevated liver level tha is not noteworthy to an MD, but a specialist would see immediately.  On the issure of SI (self-injury);  once he has threatened SI, you relly have no choice but to take it seriously, and that means taking him to a psych unit/hospital to have him thoughly checked out.  Too many people make the mistake of saying "You wont do it if you talk about it first; you would just do it".  I made that mistake at 14 and lost my best friend.  I'm not saying he WILL, but you NEVER know if its is just an AGD (attention-getting device) or it's serious.  Since you NEVER know, you MUST treat this as serious, and get him to the place that he can get help, a psych unit/hospital.  I have seen the mistakes of not getting someone help too many times.  I also know personally how the thought of SI can get in your head and start to become an act rathrthan stay a thought.  Dad took me to a psych hospital when he recognized i was in trouble with depression.  if nothing else, a specialist will be able to tell you what the best  course of action is. I know; my care team has helped moe thorugh the last ten years of my life, and i am now stable and able to take care of myself safely.  Don't wait.  The result could be deastating.

Answer 6

you need to keep documentation of his outbursts and  what brought them on. Keep going to doctors (especially psychiatrists) until you find one who will take you seriously.

My son had violent rages starting at about age 2-3 years old. They were so bad that you could literally look in his eyes and he "wasn't there". He was so sorry after he "came back" into his head, but they still happened. My husband thought I was overreacting when he found me sitting on my son to keep from getting hurt during these rages. After a few years he finally witnessed one and saw how severe they were. When my son was in 4th grade he tried to punch his teacher. In 5th grade he attacked his teacher 3 times in 4 weeks. After the first time he made suicidal comments to the principal while they were trying to call me. They had me take him to mental health and have him evaluated. He was put on an anti-psychotic medication that keeps these rages from happening as often. He does still have them (he is almost 13), and I still have to pin him down. Yesterday he had a rage that had no known trigger. He yelled at me, tried to punch me, and somehow managed to get his leg free and kicked me in my nose and bruised my arm. I was seconds away from calling the police to take him away. Last december he gave me a bruise on my chest that was 3x4 inches and took a full 3 weeks to fade away. he KNOWS that if he hurts one of his siblings he will go inpatient...no questions asked.

Answer 7

My stepson started with the attitude bit around 11 years old as well. It's an adolescent, puberty thing. Their hormones are running rampant and they have no way to control them, hence the outbursts.

The self inflicted harm is a whole other ball of wax. He needs counseling for this immediately. It's right along the lines of cutting. It's done for attention as well as making themselves feel alive. It's a cry for help so don't ignore it!

Slapping him wasn't the best reaction, but it's hard for parents to have milliseconds to respond to a situation that is potentially harmful to everyone and make a good decision. It's impossible. You did what you thought was best...it got his attention, didn't it? And he stopped, right?

You need to make sure that he's your #1 priority right now. The self harming phase will end but you need to make sure he isn't alone to do this..keep him busy so he won't have time to think about it. Take him to the park for a picnic, to the mall even if it's just to window shop, go for a bike ride...you have so many options that won't cost you anything more than the gas to take you there.

His attitude is just that...attitude. When he slams the door, take it off the hinges. I don't care what door it is...bedroom or bathroom. He's going to learn within a few days that it won't be tolerated. My daughter kept slamming doors...we took her door off the hinges for a week...told her if she slammed the bathroom door that she'd lose that one too. She learned her lesson just by us taking her bedroom door off for one week. We haven't had to do it again and she's now 18.

Pick and choose those arguments that you know you will win. Counseling taught us that as well. He may say things just to get a negative reaction out of you...learn to recognize that...and don't fall for it. Walk away from it...that's what makes them angrier...because now the person they love the most has taken away their free ticket to argue...and the argument is done before it has a chance to get started.

Let him know that he'll lose those things he cherishes...video games, phone, tv time, etc. if his behavior continues. Then make sure you follow through...do not give in once you hand down any kind of punishment. If you do, then he knows that you're a real pushover and that he's always going to have the upper hand.

I wish you well.