I need help with my dad? MAJOR control freak?

Question

okay so my dad is this control freak who won't let me do anything.

our family owns one car, dont ask what happened to the other... and he uses it all the time. so i'm usually just stuck @ home unless i can go to the mall with my friends. he takes money from my mom..she works for it... and uses it to buy clothes and alcohol for himself. we've told him that the things he's doing is wrong, yet he still continues to do them.

whenever i try to talk to him, he doesn't take me seriously. he orders me around to do things all the time, sometimes i don't get time for myself. he never really says nice things to me, either.

i've talked to my mom about divorcing him, but i dont' think she wants to because he doesn't have any money except for the stuff he gets from my mom and it would put all of us in an extremley hard position. my brother and i both want them to divorce. they are always fighting and when they talk to us, they say mean things about eachother.

my dad doesn't sleep with my mom, he hasn't for like 7 years now..in fact he kinda refuses to.

since he is given all the money, he is supposed to buy food for the family, but he buys very little so sometimes i have a peice of toast for dinner.

He's made me so upset about myself that i started cutting. it got so addictive. i HAVE tried to stop, i just cant.

*sigh* sorry about that i really needed to get it out...

please help me with what to do ??

thanks :)

Answer 1

Hi sweetie,

I am not sure how old you are, however I'm going to guess around mid teens. You sound ALOT like me at that age, as the circumstances are very similar as well. My father is very similar to yours. Divorce...yea I've wanted it since I don't know what age. My mom even tried but she refused to live in a situation where she is scared all the time and has to work 2 jobs just to put food on the table and a roof over our heads...not to mention she couldn't stand the idea of being able to hear the neighbors beating their kids (I know stereotypical her words not mine.) She stayed for the sake of her children. There were pros and cons to that. However, she thought and still thinks she did what was best for her kids. I am guessing your mom is thinking about you kids.

What I would do is talk to your mom, don't talk about divorce....you need to ask her for support right now. Ask her ok mom, these are the things that are overwhelming me, ask her what she would back you up on...like for example...if he’s like my dad my dad asks everyone to do things that he can and should be doing for himself however he likes to watch and dictate and not do a d**n thing....ask her if it would be ok to tell him "no" and if he punishes you like grounds you for not listening or talking back or whatever, if you could go to her and if she would go to bat for you. As you are trying to take care of yourself and ultimately try to help him too. (Even if it’s a bunch of hooey, make it out as if you aren't being defiant or getting back...just that it’s for the best of all involved.) More or less try to stay out of sight, if you are insight h**l find things for you to do...but maybe if you stay to yourself like in your room or some thing h**l leave you alone.

My strategy has always been to try to take care of me and back up my mom but to never be in the wrong. Stand up for yourself. As a teen its easier said then done I know, however when you do stand up for yourself don't be stupid don't put him down, don't talk back, don't call him names...be very factual.

You will be ok and if you need some support feel free to talk to me any time....Its difficult and I understand that...you mentioned he uses the money for alcohol...my dad was an alcoholic.l..So if your dad is too I understand that as well.

Answer 2

i just emailed you as i wanted to share a personal experience. hope it helps :)

Answer 3

you' re mother isn't divorcing him because it would make things harder.  She isn't divorcing him because she is comfortable and afraid that she isn't going to find anything better.  Well, she can do bad by herself. If she leaves him she won't be supporting an alcoholic, which means the money she brings in will go towards the things it needs to.  Of course there will be sacrifices, but it will be worth it.  My mother was married to my stepfather for 12 years and he drank so much, that a lot of times we went without new school clothes, groceries, or utilities.  My mother made decent money and could have well afforded to support us better without the excess baggage but she wouldn't leave him.  We would have not done without any less than we had when they were married.  Talk to someone about the cutting, a counselor at school.  they can get you some help.  Hang in there kid, and pray your mom wakes up before it is too late. Your mom probably can't stand to sleep next to a drunk.  My grandmother couldn't and she was married to hers for 33 years.

Answer 4

((((HUGZ)))) :*:*:*:*