I need help with my mom (long)?

Question

Before anyone get any ideas no, I don't think my mom is the enemy or anything like that. I just need help because I'm having trouble communicating with her and it's been really frustrating.

A couple of weeks ago our apartment complex was redoing the pavement on the parking lot. My mom always drives across there whenever we're going out. The staff sent a notification to everyone in the building that they would need to drive a temporary alternate path to leave. When my mom drove us out there was a "don't-cross" yellow string across the entrance to the parking lot and a cone in the center. I told my mom "No mom no there's a string" but she drove over the cone and broke the yellow string. She didn't realize what she did untill afterwards. She got mad, started to blaim me that I wasn't being specific enough and blaimed the staff for not putting enough cones. I told her it wasn't their fault then she yelled "Shut up Godd*mnit!". I wasn't even being rude to her at all.

She's been acting like this all summer. Whenever she does a little mistake she gets emberassed and starts blaiming everyone around her. She's been getting these mood swings too. One seconds she's nice, next she angry then she's happy again as if nothing happened. It kinda creeps me out sometimes.

Then her phone has been broken all summer so she's been using mine. I haven't used my phone for weeks. Whenever she lose it she asks me and I told her (calmly) "Mom... I don't know. You had it last" Then she gets mad again and told me that I should know cus it's my phone. just... what?!

I try my best to tell her thank you for everything, to keep organize so she wouldn't get mad at me anymore, I'm even choosing the career path she picked for me and working hard so I can get into the college she wants me to get in so badly.

Just this morning something else happened and it's stupid because this started over a sandwhich. I go to school half of the time I don't pack a lunch cus I'm rushing in the morning. She say things in a low tone like "You won't be able to concentrate, You're going to be hungry all day, I'll go to your school and give you your lunch" everyday before school, right? It's not that big of a deal she just doesn't want me to get hungry. This morning she asked if I'm ready and I told her I had to make my lunch, it was still early and she was fine with it. I came into the car she got mad "what took you so long? do you know what time it is?" I told her I was making my lunch she said "Wel ook you're going to be late"

I got frustrated because I tried to not get her mad but it happened anyways. I was thinking fine I won't make lunch next time. Then she said she was dissapointed because she 'trusted' me. And I told her that I know and I won't do it again(not in rude tone). She yells at me constantly saying "Listen! You're not listening!" And I just lost it. I don't know what to do, she does stuff like this every single day it's as if there's no avoiding it. I feel as if I can't handle my mom anymore she frustrating, I love her I really do but she doesn't listen to me and now I just want her to leave me alone.

Answer 1

My mom was the same way, you sound like me at 14. And I'm sorry that I don't have an easy answer for you. One, like others said, yes it'll get better when you move out but it's a shame you have to wait that long. Two, yes it sounds like she may be depressed or preoccupied or something, but as her child you CANNOT say that to her. Three, it sounds like family counseling might be a really good idea for you two, if your mom's open to it. We tried it and it didn't help because the counselor kept telling me I didn't know who "the mom" was and my mom quit trying the new techniques as soon as we got home. Fourth, I'd suggest you try to see things her way for a minute and see if it makes any more sense to you. Yes, it sounds like mostly your mom's fault, but I can tell you now that I'm 25 I realized that I probably DIDN'T listen to my mom as respectfully as I should have, even though as a teenager I felt I was being respectful. As for the outcome, I can tell you that since I left home we've had our upd and downs. My mom still has some emotional issues she hasn't settled and I have to dance around them. But it's gotten better because I understand her a little more, she respects me for doing the adult things I can do now, and I'm happier because I don't have to live with her rules and under her watch everyday. Conclusion: try what you can to improve the situation, but know it may not improve until you graduate. Sorry.

Answer 2

she might be overly stressed or something. show her what you said on here. it might wake her up. i know what you mean i have the same problem also. you try your best not to aggrivate or make her mad and it turns out for the worst anyway. just sit down, talk to her, and show her what you wrote. maybe she'll come around. hope i helped

Answer 3

My first thought was PMS. Not gonna lie.

Maybe when she's in a really good mood ask her really nicely "Mommy I need to talk to you alone about something really important. Can I just talk for five minutes without interruptions so you can hear my side?" and then just let it all out. She should listen. If not, ask your school counselor how to make her listen, but if you don't want your counselor to know how your mom is behaving, tell her that your friend or sibling won't listen.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

I know when I lived at home me and my mom did not have a good relationship at all. My mom has a lot of issues "upstairs" so when I was growing up I was taught the wrong things which is affecting me now that I am on my own. I even went to counseling in high school because of the constant head butting. I was pouring my heart out to my school counselor but he didn't seem concerned at all which bothered me. Then he looked up at me and said, "You know, its not always going to be like that, things will change when you move out on your own". I totally blew him off and though- what does this guy know? I have always remembered those words he told me. I ended up moving out of the house on bad terms with my mom when I was 18. I moved in with my boyfriend and my Mom never called me for months. I thought to myself...she doesn't know whether I am dead or alive. After those few months of being apart, things started to change. I can honestly say we had a new mutual respect for each other. I realized how much she has done for me and she realized I wasn't such a nuisancee after all. I got pregnant at age 20 and I lost a lot of my good friends but who was there for me? My mom. We became best friends and began an amazing friendship. I am now 21 with a 4 month old, we have our quabbles but in the end, she will always be my mom and I will always be her daughter.

My point is that things will change as you get older, even if you are still living with her. She will respect you more as an individual when you are grown up and have your own family. Then you will realize how much your mom is really doing for you. Try doing things with your mom to build a friendship. On the weekends- treat her to a movie or dinner. Do things together as friends and your relationship as mother and daughter will improve.

Answer 5

I think we have the same mom!  :P  Really.  She is the same way.  She is bi-polar so I think that might be what your mom is going through.  Or menopause.  Seriously.  Let me tell you my story.  Okay, my parents are divorced and I live with my mom.   We both didn't have jobs for a while because we were constantly moving around, and traveling state to state.  But then we settled in.  I had a few jobs and lent her alot of money, and was always spotting her cash.  But for one reason or the other, the jobs never worked out.  Mostly because any job opportunities are far away and gas is a killer (especially when you drive a truck).  So she finally just now got a job, and right now I'm balancing 2 jobs I haven't got yet.  (I have alot of training and orientations, but I'm doing them both) So basically, I haven't got paid yet.  I'm also helping a friend who owns a ranch with her horses.  So I'm pretty busy.  One day she will be all fine, and the next, she will seriously break down and start yelling at me about how she wants money for me to live with her, even though she knows living with my dad is not an option.  She KNOWS that I cant make the training for my jobs go any faster and theres nothing I can do about it.  I'm getting things done as fast as I can.  She continues to flip out, and always ends up kicking me out.  Most of the time, I just go to my boyfriend's house and stay for a while, then come back and she is fine again.  But other times, she KNOWS that I have no where to go, and I have to drive around and end up sleeping in my truck.  It's so bad that I have a pillow and a blanket in there in case she has a nervous breakdown and throws my things out in the lawn and tells me to come back when I have some cash.  One time, I had no where to go and it was too hot to sleep in my truck, so I slept at my ex's house.  My mom and my ex dont get along AT ALL.  So she found out and flipped out and just went ape sh*t.  That was a bad night.  I guess what I'm saying is, it could get alot worse, but still, what your dealing with is also pretty bad, and probably just the beginning.  That's how my mom was when I was around 14.  When I was 15, she kicked me out for the first time.  I'm now 18, and she knows that if she wants me gone, legally, I have to go.  So she uses that to her advantage.  But I would suggest talking to her about it.  Tell her you miss when things were okay with her.  Maybe look into getting her some medication, but that can be a touchy subject.  My mom took lorazepam for a while and it made her better, but she quit taking it.  I hope I helped, email me if you want to talk or nething.  :)

Answer 6

I think there is something deeper then her just being embrassed. She seems like she is lightweight impaitence when it comes to a few things and she might need to work on that. I also think she is afraid to admit when she is wrong so it's easier for her to blame others.