I need ideas for disciplining my 5 year old son!?

Question

My son is in kindergarten and his teacher told us the other day that he is uncontrollable in class. He will not stay in his seat, talks out in class, and she literally has to hold his hand everywhere they go. She suggested medication. Now I don't think she's just trying to medicate him to make him into a zombie-she's not that type of teacher, but I know he is capable of behaving because he doesn't ever act like that with me and his father. He only does it when he thinks we won't find out so I need ideas for disciplining him-I would really like to try some new things before we actually take him to the doctor and I hate spanking him. Any help is VERY MUCH appreciated!

Answer 1

sounds to me like its time to take away the tv and toys. i would also reward him for having a good day in class like maybe have a sticker chart on the fridge and when he has a good day let him pick a sticker and place it on the chart. at the end of the week let him take it in to the teacher to show her. (worked on my son). i would talk to the doc anyway. medication may not be needed. sometimes the doc can give you ideas and the teacher will get over the medicating idea. good luck.

Answer 2

Maybe it's because you keep hitting him! You say he has had more than his fair share so maybe it is time to give up on the hitting as it isnt working anyway.

Answer 3

As far as the meds go I would wait on that all the teaachers these days seem like they want to put the troubled kids on something casue they don't want to deal with it.

My son is 5 yrs he is on meds only because it came down to the point that I had to cause I was scared that he was going to hurt his self.

Try talking him to someone and have him evaluated. It isn't going to hurt anything and the only thing that they will do it tell you what they think the reason is behind the behaver.

There is also programs out there that will help him. Its something to look into.

If they are put on the right meds believe me they are still the same active kids but alittle more clam not zombies.

Answer 4

Since he behaves well in your company, YOU are not the ones that need to provide the discipline here.  It sounds to me like the TEACHER is the one that has the problem.   There's no point in your punishing him at home for something that didn't happen at home.

First of all, teachers are NOT ALLOWED BY LAW to "suggest medication."  They can recommend that he be tested, but they cannot recommend that your child be put on meds, because they are not medical professionals.  So the teacher is out of line here, right off the bat.

Second, it sounds to me like your son is very bright.  He may be bored in this classroom, and that is why he's acting out.  The teacher probably has a large classroom full of children with very diverse levels of ability, and she is apparently having trouble meeting all of their needs.  Perhaps if she provided him with some more challenging material, he would settle down in class.

The best thing you can do is to meet with the teacher AND the principal, to come up with some strategies to help him behave better in school.  But the teacher is the one who must implement the strategies, not you.  It sounds like you have his behavior well in hand at home.

Answer 5

Hello love. I can see that you have your hands full. So, He just wants to have fun all the time ... well it is time to show him how much fun "you" can have too... My sister had the same problem with her son. She was DETERMINED TO  help him with out giving him drugs.What she did was cut down on his candy,sugar and processed foods. She even cut out fast food, and white bleached flour. I know that this process will be tedious, and sometimes, just plain incomprehensible, but I really feel that It WILL work for you! give it a month, and I promise you that you will see a difference in his behavior. Remember, this is a lifestyle change, not a punishment. If you need some recipes, go to a natural food store. and if money is a problem, just emprovise. when you cook dinner, don't put as much white salt in his food along with sugar... anything white, cut out of his diet... 100%whole wheat bread, and flour. No white sugar, just pure cane sugar, (ONLY WHEN NECESSARY), Please, trust me, If I can't help you , than I wouldn't say any thing!!! please, keep in touch, and let us know how it works out....

Answer 6

Try to find out (by asking him) why he's being bad at kindy. Get down to his level (equal eye level) so he doesn't feel threatened and reflect what he's feeling. So if he is being naughty say "You've been being naughty at school haven't u? ...Are you being naughty because you're angry...etc" So relate and reflect. If possible :) I know it can be extremely hard to do that but give it a shot. Of course discipline in the way you are comfortable. Shouting and taking things away doesn't  seem to do much more than alienate kids but getting them to think about what it was they did wrong seems to work...it's all individual really there isn't one definitive right answer. Perhaps he feels he needs attention/feels left out at school? Sorry I hope this helps I'm just trying to help u run through ur ideas about it.

Good luck!

Answer 7

maybe the problem is that you hate spanking him? the fact that you say this means that it is something that does not happen, but if used sparingly it is a useful tool.

as far as medication, the teacher was out of line for reccomending. she is a teacher not a doctor and should not be making diagnosis's

Answer 8

I use to read 5 books for my son and every time he misbehaved/ didn't listen to the rules I would take one away. You could also use a calender. everyday he does good he gets a sticker. when he gets 5 stickers he gets to do something special, go out for ice-cream, dollar store, that has worked for my friends. hope it helps

Answer 9

If this is the first time he has been in a class situation it may

take him a while to settle in. It is also the time that many motor skill and sensory dysfunctions really make their presence felt.

Some children have trouble with the motor skills required to sit still, draw and colour, read and play with other kids. I would recommend taking him to an Occupational Therapist and having him assessed.

It could also be am insecurity issue, looking for attention. If he is an only child and used to having your undivided attention he may be feeling lost and insecure in the classroom setting. Our kindy class used to have a day each week when parents could stay for the morning and be involved in what the kids were doing, really helped settle them in.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you

Answer 10

It sounds like he is a very bright child, who is probably bored in school, and because he is well-behaved at church and at home, because he is so bright, he has learned where he can and can't act out.  He also knows there is only so much his teacher can do, as she is looking after several other children.  

I would try daily communication with the teacher.  I know she is very busy, but if your child has a folder or something that comes home everyday, just put a little calender in there, one that has a block for each day that you can print from your computer.  It will only take her a min. to either put a happy face or a frowny face.  She doensn't need to go into details on the calendar, you and her can conference on a weekly or bi-weekly basis about specifics.  

Your son is still very young, so taking the TV away for a week for today's misbehavior is hard, because if that is already done for the week, then what incentive does he have to be good tomorrow.  You can check his calendar each day, if it has a happy face, then he can allowed to watch TV, play outside, and for my son, if he got a smiley face I would do one of his chores or let him play outside for an extra 15 min.  If it is a frowny face, then no TV, no outside, no nothing.  But at least that way, if he does have a bad day, he can start over and try again tomorrow.  

At first there will be lots of frowny faces, but it sounds like he catches on pretty quick, and he will soon figure out that if he misbehaves in school that day, then his entire day, even at home is ruined.  

I think dealing with his behavior on a daily basis will help.

I would try everything possible before medication, and five is too young for medication anyway.  

Good luck!

Answer 11

military school m8 .....or u could try an iron discipline ....make him into a real man ...... don't let him watch tv ...or play computer games ....these are the main reasons for young children to loose control these days....and teach him to respect other ppl.....another thing u could do is to bribe him "i'll give ya 10 bucks i ya act good in class today" ....... that's about it i'm out of ideas ...i'll post later if i have a sudden "brainstorm" :))

Answer 12

Go to class with him. Let him know that if he can not behave in school that he will be supervised everywhere he goes.

Answer 13

First of all, based on what you have said about your son, you should probably ignore the teacher's medication advice. Teachers (for some reason) have a tendency to prescribe medication to almost every student who they feel isn't acting perfectly proper. When I was younger (around fourth grade, I believe), one of my teachers recommended medication to my mother. However, my mom followed her own ways, and,in the end, I graduated as valedictorian in a class of 600 students, without ever taking the silly medication. Also, it has been proven that children who are hit, spanked, etc. have a much higher tendency to be violent. So, I definitely don't recommend physical punishment, under any means. Statistics and neurostudies have shown that a reward system works better than a punishment system. Instead of always punishing him when he does something wrong and not punishing him when he does something right, try this: When he behaves properly, give him a reward, such as ice cream, a new toy, or some other appealing reward. If he behaves for a long time (you decide how long), you can then give him a bigger reward by taking him to a bowling alley, recreational track, movie theatre, or some other entertaining place. If he misbehaves, he loses his reward for that day and has to restart a chart of continuance of good behavior. His only punishment is lack of an appealing reward. His desire of the rewards will continue to drive him to better behavior. Eventually, good behavior will be his only behavior. You can keep track of this reward system with a good-behavior sticker chart on your refrigerator, door, etc. This system will work and keep things pleasant at the same time. I certainly hope this helps!

Answer 14

What is your son eating? Certain foods can increase attention problems. Sugar and red dyes have been highlighted as two culprits. There are likely others as well. Adjusting his diet is worth a try before resorting to any medications the doctor might prescribe. At least you can rule them out as causes.

Answer 15

I understand that he behaves very well with you, but that has NOTHING to do with his behavior in class.

Why? You and dad don't ask him to do the same things that he is asked to do in school. Do you have him sit still in a chair while you repeat instructions to someone else? Do you ask him to wait while you work with other kids? If you are working on a puzzle together and its finished do you put the puzzle away? or does the whole family sit back in their chairs and wait 5 minutes?

For a kid who has a hard time sitting still and focusing, school can be a nightmare.  Is he pretty bright? That is the WORST! LOL. A bright kid who has to sit still and wait while the teacher repeats stuff (or other kids finish their work) can get very itchy. Some kids can also get overstimulated by noise from the other kids.

Talk to your son's doctor and see what he/she has to say.

IMP QUESTIONS: Your son is 5, is he the youngest kid in the class by a great deal? when does he turn 6? Is this all day K? Is there a chance that the class is not appropriate for his completely NORMAL developmental level?

BTW I am not suggesting that you turn your son into a zombie, but meds might help him if he has trouble with impulse control for biological reasons. If this is the problem then taking his toys away and punishing him will only make him feel like he can't win no matter what---and if he can't win then why bother?

If this helps at all, here is my experience: My son had many problems in K and the beg. of grade 1 and then we tried some medicine to help him slow himself down. He went from needing one-on-one reading help to reading above grade level in a couple of months.

Many year later, my son is a well-adjusted kid and student who does very well in school and sports.  He is funny and bright and FAR from a zombie. He was just named a Football All American Scholar  because his academic performance puts him in the top 1% of kids in the country.

I am NOT saying that meds are a magic pill and turn kids into super stars, but I AM saying that my son would not have been able to reach his potential if we hadn't intervened. IMO he would have very low grades and he would be counting the days until he was old enough to drop out.

Some people misuse meds rather than parent and discipline,  and some people think meds are wrong, please ignore these folks and keep an open mind. Talk to the doctor and see what is best for YOUR son.

I hope it all turns out well.