I need major help...?

Question

My wife/ex just dropped of the kids when i she saw me it looked like she was going to cry, she had that sad puppy look on. She left me for another women 3 months ago (cheated). My son said to me 4 days ago they all went to my house to see if i was there, i wasnt so they left and came back with icecream..Im totally confused and a wreak. She told me she never wanted to be with me or anything and theres no love or nothing anymore.. but from the past couple of things shes been doing and my kids have been saying it kinda seems shes sad. I love her to death and i miss her and my kids alot..i posted a bunch of questions on here before about this and most people say leave her alone. I try and i do forget about her, but then something stupid happens then i think about her again. I do have a PFA on me from her (she said i beat and choke her and the kids all the time, thats a totaly lie and the courts dismissed it, but i told the judge i dont want nothing to do with her any more, so she said then stay away for 1 year) I have thought about doing stupid stuff to myself when she left and now im talking meds, and im afraid my bodies catching up to them. I cant talk to her or anything either..but i when she drops the kids off i do see her for about 2 mins and she seems sad lately. I dont know if i should try to talk to her when she comes over to drop them off again (just to see what she says). She lives with her mom(she doesnt like the whole L*****n thing). Im 24 and shes 23..She wanted to go out and have fun and i think thats y she left..My Bday is coming up on the 29th of august..Im not sure how thats going to go..If she will get me something or even something from the kids...Im trying to find another girl but its hard, i cant find no one..and plus it feels weird..i havent slept in my bed in 3 months or pretty much been at my house cuz its so quite. I've been a stay at home dad the past 1years (she worked full time and made alot more money then me and she went to school full time as well) I did work part time...She would spend money on cloths and take out food..i always cooked and cleaned the house..Everything was fine (according to me, we never did have anything really to fight about, but money...she just left me out of the blue..it was a total surprise)...I wanna forget about her, but i dont...Everyone says it will get easier as time goes by...but its been 3 months and i do miss her just as much.. Im really freaking out and need some help..I dont really have money or talk to someone or see a doctor..thats y im always talking on yahoo..Im sorry if everyones tired of hearing from me..but this is the only way i can get my emotions out and hear from other people...

Answer 1

i dont know if i believe that you didnt assault her, but if you did, then you're abuisve and need to leave her alone; if you didnt, then she's abusive and manipulative and you need to leave her alone.  either which way, you're not together in these scenarios.

pull yourself together and be a better person, so the next relationshipo will be healthy. go to cousneling.

Answer 2

If you want her back so badly, can you not just talk to her and tell her how you're feeling?  I don't know anything about "PFA"s but could she get it dropped?

Call her up, or pull her aside the next time she brings the kids back or picks them up.  Tell her that you miss her very much and that you love her dearly.  Tell her you understand she cheated and freaked, but that your marriage is way too important to you to just throw it out the window -- ask her to give the marriage another chance.  See what her reaction is, and go off that.  If she makes it clear she wants nothing to do with you, at that point respect her wishes and back off.  However, you're never going to know unless you try, and later in life you will be kicking yourself for never asking her to give things another shot .

Good luck.

Answer 3

i am not tired of hearing from you and i want you to ask questions on here all day long if you want to.  

honey who takes care of the kids now?  are they in day care?  the reason i ask is this:  the very best thing you can do for yourself is GET A FULL TIME JOB  you heard me.  

work as many hours as you possibly can.  be the best you can be at this job.  do it.  i know what i am talking about.

when we are young things happen that just shock us.  i assure you that these things pass and other things come to us.  even better things.  i dont know how old your kids are but there is indian guides, boy scouts, sports of all kinds, this is the kind of activity that gets you out there meeting other people, you must broaden, widen your world.  i cant come over and do it for you.  you must.  i care, i do,

and when i was your age i was grievously hurt once too.  this sounds very lame but know what?  each thing that happens teaches us and makes us better.  really.  take care, friend.  

Answer 4

Splitting up/divorcing is like having to endure a death.  It's hard.  I think most of us can feel your pain.  But three months is not nearly enough time to get over losing someone you loved and lost.  You will heal, if you really want to, but it will be a gradual processes.  You need to find productive ways to occupy your time.  A full time job would be a great start.  Join a gym or a basketball team--something--but get out there and live and improve the life you have now.  Moping around,  yearning for her isn't going to help you.  If you do "get a life," (to put it bluntly), that could be the very thing that draws her back to you!  She'll see a new, vibrant, happy, confident, hard-working you and that can be very desirable to a woman.

Why would she accuse you of abusing her if you didn't?  That's odd, because you say that you two never really even argued.  It's hard to know what's really going on from both yours and her perspective.  I suspect that your version and her version would be very different.

The bottom line is that she's out of the house--she left by her own power.  If she wants to come back, she'll return the same way.  I'm sure this is not easy for her, either.  Neither of you believed that the relationship would end this way.  And for you, it's not ended, but apparently she's working on closure.  There could be any number or reasons why she appears sad to you.  You sound a little distraught; perhaps your judgment could be somewhat affected.  Maybe you're reading too much into her expression.  Perhaps she's having to deal with the failed relationship, too, but knows in her heart she must move on despite the hardship.  Don't try to read much into anything; it's easy to see that that's tearing you up inside.

All you can do is try to be a good parent to your children.  They need a well-balanced, stable father figure and that has to be you.  Step up, get a full time job and be strong for them.   They will keep you connected to her for years to come, so be a good dad and be friendly to her.  Maybe in time she'll be convinced that it's okay to consider being with you again.

Answer 5

I admit Ms Heather had a good point, but I'd be cautious about approaching that strongly and quickly.  Instead, you should ask her next time you see her 'you look like you've had it rough lately, anything wrong?'... She may get freaked out if things move back too quickly and could only complicate things, including her getting scared enough to get another PFA attempt.

The fact that she is living with her mother is possibly part of the problem.  Her mother doesn't like that lifestyle.  She could be verbally berating your wife for that so called 'choice'

I think you hit the nail on the head with the 'she wanted to go off and have fun' part.

It could get easier after some time, but 3 months is too early to know if it is starting to get easier.  It took a little bit longer than that for me when ex and I split (though mutual, it was knowing we needed to move on).

It's good that you are finding an outlet like this for these emotions.  You're not doing something to harm anyone (yet, and I hope, never will).  You're being honest about what's going on.  It's not easy, but it is better that way.

Look up counseling information on the web.  You should be able to find either a really low cost one, or someone who will do at least one session for free.  It might take a little time to research it, but I think you could find something useful.

Take care and here's hoping all works out for the best!

Answer 6

There's free online counseling at the Crystal Cathedral website.  It's called New Hope Counseling or something, the link is on the homepage.

I think all you can do is let your wife know you would like to "talk" next time you see her.  Just say something like "I'm worried about you, I've been wondering how you are, and missing you and the kids, and I was wondering if you would like to meet somewhere for coffee just to talk for a bit?"  That's really all you can do.  If she says no, you can't force the issue.  But if there is any chance of reconciliation, if she misses you too, she will probably agree, and you two can then discuss if you'd like to give it another go.  I don't know all the details, but be careful you don't enter stalker/harrassment territory.   That's why you can just gently let her know you're interested in talking to her, in a public place if she prefers.  Good luck to you I really hope it works out.  Sounds like a really difficult situation.

Answer 7

if you still love her than talk to her,you guys are still very young and you might be able to work things out,my husband and I  have been together since we were 16 and we used to fight constantly,I'm talking all out brawls but now i'm 28 and he is 30 and we don't fight like that anymore.we have learned and grown together and there is still hope for you if you want there to be. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

I read this twice and the advice you want is not the advice your getting. What you want is for someone to tell you to take her back and give her another try. but from what your telling us, it dont sound like that should even be an option. But that's not what you want to hear. Especially seeing as though you posted this before in a different forum and got the same responses that i am sure you'll get today. So what i am going to do is make your day. *Get back with your ex, Forgive her for all that she did to you and just hope for the best. I think you two will make it*  Is that close to what you want to hear. Cause i feel the complete oppisit about what i just told you. So do what i wrote or do the oppisite of it. Either way, your going to ge tback with her. You're making to many excuses for her and trying to justify what you alreday know your going to do. And when it dont work out, i would like a email with the Subject line that reads 'You were ALL right"  but you wont know it till you give that disaster another try..

good luck

Answer 9

you need to talk with her and see if she has changed, i would talk to her oneday when she drops off the kids maybe pop in one of those childrens videos so you two can talk and see whats really going on be honest on how you feel and see her reaction. i know you love her but if she truly hasnt changed or you dont see anything different than if you do get back with her you dont know if this will happen again. everyone makes mistakes, we are not perfect, sometimes life gets so stressful that it doesnt give people a clear mentality. she is young and so are you and sometimes relationships go through breakups and backtogethers only to find out its stronger and sometimes breakups are meant to be over. if she doesnt want you back then you must clearly move on it will hurt and it will probably take you a very long time but you must make an effort to move on if she states to you after you have spoken to her that she still feels the same. all the best to you and be strong if not for you then for your kids. keep your head up and all the best to you.

Answer 10

I'll print this out and read it when I have MORE time. ;)