I need opinions on my essay about slavery?

Question

if there are any revisions etc pls comment about it and tell me what you think!

Essay

Slavery was to be held against your will and forced to commit to free-labor with no intention of ever becoming free. Slavery existed even in ancient times using your captured enemies as slaves, or force your subject to follow your rule etc. and since then that trend in history has repeated its self in the 1960’s causing African Americans of both genders to be imprisoned because of their difference in appearance and skin color. That one difference instilled fear in those who where not used to seeing the women short and stocky and the men long and thin or tall and very muscular with brown skin of different shades for this very reason is why slaves were imprisoned because the white people felt that we should get them before they get us. During these times it was difficult to find a woman man or child of the African American race that wasn’t a slave. Most picked cotton in fields where they worked grueling hours day and night only to be chained when work was done and feast on rotting meat and parts of the animal the owner didn’t want if they were lucky. Other slaves whose skin was lighter in appearance usually worked as maids and butlers to the slave/plantation owner and his wife and children. Being a slave meant you were black so you were often disrespected, demoralized, and hated. Trying to escape was not an option and surviving was a daily task that you had to juggle between your works. You were often punished if you needed something as simple as water and fought hard to learn to speak, read, write, spell, and keep your family safe from your master and other slaves who resorted to stealing when they were desperate. I think what caused slavery was the demand for certain products but not having willing workers to satisfy it and also the human nature to either become scared and repel against anything that is different than what we are used to or to accept and envy it because we lack it but instead of envying it everyone became frightened suddenly being black was dangerous and since that was your race you were alienated and looked down upon and even thought of as not even being human even thought they shared all the same basic features. Plantation owners used this to their advantage capturing young men and young women so they can grow to become strong and have strong children and women and men who were older to work until the others grew up making racism and hate towards people seem natural among almost everyone around them. Although the life of a slave was very difficult not giving up and finding the light of things came naturally. Songs kept you thinking about freedom and what words were next instead of your aching back, throbbing feet, and bleeding hands, dances made you feel free of worries and light-spirited, and stories were told of former slaves who escaped and did well in life or was funny because laughter was thought to cure and pain. While they were hopeful slaves knew as long as the white people remained ignorant and fixated on differences instead of similarities they will not be accepted just like others of different races who were not white though they were not slaves life was just as difficult even today if people remain ignorant and let their fear of change and difference frighten them racism will never be completely abolished.

Answer 1

I EDITED this for you, a lot.  There's a lot that's very repetitive, and a lot of run-on sentences.  So here it is, with a lot of un-needed stuff taken out, much shorter and cleaner:

Slavery was forced free-labor, against the slave's will.  It existed even in ancient times, as prisoners of war were enslaved.  But in the US,  African Americans were  imprisoned because of their difference in appearance and skin color.  Slaveowners constantly feared that their slaves would rebel, and cause harmful violence.  Nearly all African Americans were enslaved; most  picked cotton in fields where they worked grueling hours day and night, their only reward being meals of rotting meat and parts of the animal the owner didn’t want if they were lucky.   Slaves who were s lighter-skinned  in appearance usually worked as maids and butlers.   Being a slave meant you were often disrespected, demoralized, and hated. Trying to escape was not an option and surviving alone was difficult.  . You were often punished if you asked for something as simple as water and fought hard to learn to speak, read, write, spell, and keep your family safe from your master, and other slaves who stole from each other out of desperation.

I think what caused slavery was the demand for certain products but not having enough labor to produce it.  Another factor was envy, and prejudice towards African Americans.  Slaveowners took advantage of this prejudice to keep slavery going, as slavery itself increased racism, in a viscious cycle.  

Although the life of a slave was very difficult not giving up and finding the light of things came naturally. Songs kept you thinking about freedom and what words were next instead of your aching back, throbbing feet, and bleeding hands, dances made you feel free of worries and light-spirited, and stories were told of former slaves who escaped and did well in life or was funny because laughter was thought to cure and pain. While they were hopeful, slaves knew as long as the white people remained ignorant and fixated on differences instead of similarities they will not be accepted.   They knew that as long as  people remain ignorant and let their fear of change and difference frighten them, racism will never be completely abolished.

Answer 2

I'd suggest you fix grammatical errors, keep your audience constant by using the words "people and their" instead of "you and your" (you said "using your captured enemies as slaves," for example), and you have a lot of run-on sentences and inner-sentence punctuation problems.

Jared, what on earth???XD

Answer 3

you left out the part were it give rights to people TODAY.. or lets say SOME PEOPLE CRY and MONE over something that happend 200 years ago and claim that they are selling druggfs , and becomeing fellons, JUST BECAUSE there great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfathers second cousins best friends great great great grandmother was a slave!

Answer 4

no no no no no! you got it all wrong, slavery never existed, the government was secretly paying all of the african americans 100 dollar checks every month to work on the cotton feilds and ACT like they are miserable, because the government was secretly run by africans, and they wanted to make white people feel bad for them in the future, and than bigfoot asked john lennon for a loan, but washington wouldnt allow the chinese to paint their fish tank.

Answer 5

I would suggest as the other answer did that you 1) seperate into paragraphs, 2) correct grammer and puncuation, sentences too long and run together. 3) I would stick to one type of slavery, either the buying and selling of slaves in the usa or the slaves from ancient times taken in war. This was 2 complete different situations. Check some of your facts, some are correct and some are opinion given as facts. 4) try to maybe stick better to a single train of thought. You seem to maybe be trying to say too much at one time. Perhaps omit some thoughts to better cover others. 5) and finally think of your subject matter and the seriousness of it. Find your point and direct all your information to express what the actual purpose of what you are trying to say in your essay. Good luck, but remember this is only some suggestions and is only my opinion to help.

Answer 6

Two things you need to change is to indent the first line and change etc. to ectetera because teachers don't like abbreviations. Everything else is worth an A.

Answer 7

paragraphs are needed...