I need options on what to do with an out of control teen-please help!

Question

My daughter, age 16, screams, cusses me and is so out of control, we've had to call the police 3 times this week to help calm the situation. She refuses counseling or rehab (for smoking weed). My husband and I are afraid to be left in the house alone with her and we can't even have our grandson over anymore. I have asked the police about temporary foster care and they refuse to take her. This is hurting my marriage. My husband is her stepfather and her real dad is existent in her life so he won't take her. I have tried working with her, but if I am not giving her everything she thinks I should give her, then she blows up. Does someone have any real ideas here? Any things that you have tried that worked? This is a real crisis.

Answer 1

Unfortunately you are one of those parents where you seem to think your marriage is more important than your child or your child's problems, and you would rather get rid of your child than let your marriage get "ruined."  

Answer 2

Some people think that corporal punishment for your kids is CRUEL WRONG OMGWAIRUABUSINGYOURCHILDREN.

They are wrong.

Spanking isn't mentally detrimental to your kids, no matter what further posts that I won't read after this may say. Nor is it a form of abuse.

Be confident, and let her know who's in charge. YOU run your household, not her, and the sooner you and her both realize this, the better off you'll be.

Answer 3

PUT HER BUTT IN BOOTCAMP!IT WORKED FOR ME

Answer 4

wow, glad im not u then http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 5

i do have a little knowledge of teens out of control,and am afraid if you've tried sitting her down to talk to her trying to find out why she is acting this way,like especially if this behavior has recently occurred then something bad could of triggered this of,or if this has purely been the way she s been simmering for a while like from say 10years up,and she know s shes been allowed to behave in this way,then its your fault in letting her get away with it and nows the time you say right enoughs enough your not taking this c**p any longer,you either shape up or get out simple as,if you are in the uk there is shelter(shaid) for youngsters aged 16/19yr i know my daughter was 16 and wouldnt listen to anything i said (no rules for her)or so she thought,myrules or out i had other young children who thought this behaviour was exceptble and its not ,i know how you must be feeling but,if you feel youve fought the fight now and shes taken the p>>>,time to get tough xx

Answer 6

I am a father of 5 kids and 3 step kids, I have never had any real problems with any of them, they all see how i handel each one and they know i dont play around, you need to put your foot down and let her know who the parents are including your husband her step father, my 3 step kids knew from the beging of our marraige that WE was the parents not them, and the first time any of my kids all 8 of them ever cussed me or my wife or x wife out, they would be spiiting teeth, your daughter needs to know who the boss is, let her visit  with my family for a week, ill bet she dont cuss no more

Answer 7

Even if I had to get help to get that brat over my knee

II would take her over my knee and give her the spanking

of her life something you should of done when she was still

in pigtails.

Answer 8

are u the mom or is she your mom seems like shes is in control and not you

don't ask her do you want to go to rehab?

say pack your bag your going to rehab.

don't give her money buy things for her giving her money giving her money is like saying here go buy your self some weed!

Answer 9

yikes! take control! how could you let her be like that? you're scared of your own daughter! that's just unhealthy. NANNY 911 fo sho!

Answer 10

Put her in the psych ward AKA mental hospital. She's a danger. Please. That will be safe for all of you. She might be there from 3 days to 3 weeks. If you call the cops & let them know she's out of control & threatening you, then they will take her.

Answer 11

Hi, I really feel for you.  this is going to sound like a silly answer, but try scaring her straight.  Take her to a slum, or to someone you know who lives in a really bad situation.  Tell her that this is will be her future if she doesn't start acting right.  She's 16, she should be thinking about college and her future.  Getting high and abusing her parents is kinda the opposite direction there.  Let her know that if her attitude continues she's going to be cut off at 18.  You really need to put things into perspective for her.  She thinks that what she wants is more important than anything right now; you need to show her what could happen if she keeps thinking that.  I wish you the best of luck honey!

P.S. It's way too late to try good old fashioned dicipline (spanking, grounding etc.).  She's past the age where it could work, and it would probably just increase her rage.

Answer 12

Unfortunetly your going to have to put the fear of MOM in her!!  I would backhand that kid so fast her head would spin if she cussed at me send her to me I'll fix her REAL quick!!

Answer 13

drop her off at training school or bootcamp. seriously.

Answer 14

O.k. here is what I would do. when she is at school I would go in her room and take EVERYTHING out leave nothing in there but her blankets and pillow. I would tell her I bought this stuff and until you can show me respect you will not get it back. Also I would tell her as long as you are acting this way you will not be allowed to come out of your room. After she spends a few days with no tv, phone, bed, radio,clothes, nothing to do but sit and stare at the four walls she will think twice about what she says and does.  Also make her earn her things back one at a time. If she needs clothes to go to school then she will need to earn a outfit.  She can earn things back by doing chores or something but if she yells at you or cusses then remove the thing she just earned back. Remember you are the parent. She would have nothing if you didn't provide it for her. Prove it to her.  

Answer 15

Do not put her in foster care even if it just temp as she will end up resenting you and be even worse, i was a horrible little cow to my mother when i was as young as 14 i was out smoking weed drinking not coming home for days and been really mean to her, she tryed everything she could think of for me but nothing worked in the end she packed my bags and put them by the door and told me to go and live somewhere else as she is not having her life ruined, i thought i was cool at first been kicked out but then after about 2 nights of staying with my friends i realized that i missed my mum and was sorry so i asked to come back and we were fine after that of course we had few rows but never as bad because i didn't realize how much my mum did for me till i didn't have her there, it will be hard for you to do this to her bt it will give her the shock she needs, shouting hitting and threatening her or letting her get her own way will not work, i really hope this works and that she sorts herself out and you and your husband can have a better life and have your grandchildren over

Answer 16

You have to FORCE her into rehab. That's your first step. It's not her choice. You're her mother. It's yours, and if you want her to go, she'll go. But remember, while she's in there, don't just forget about her. Show her you care by visiting her.