I need other SAHM/housewives help! PLEASE!?

Question

It seems that every since I have been a SAHM (with the exception of school-I take a full load-12 hours) I am house cleaning obsessed! I am constantly cleaning making sure that everything looks picture perfect-for what reason, I DO NOT KNOW! I think to myself that my house has to look like something off of HGTV-I know my expectations are unrealistic especially considering the fact that I have a 1 and a 2 year old. I am so hard on myself! I have to have the bathroom bleached everyother day, all closets, drawers, etc organized to a tee-nothing on my floors. I feel like a lot of the time I spend cleaning could be spent with my kids but I can't stand looking at a mess, and if I don't have a mess-I will think of SOMETHING to wipe down or organize-I really do hate feeling like this. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Do I have OCD or is this typical with a lot of SAHM's? Can you give me some tips or put this whole issue into perspective for me? THANK YOU SO MUCH:)

Answer 1

i think you definitely have OCD i did a report on it in high school and you sound like you could have it have you talked to your doctor about it. i think you should cause your right you could be spending that time with your children and your expectations shouldn't be that high, be easy on your self and relax. but go to the doctor.  

Answer 2

It definitely sounds like you are getting a little carried away with the cleaning.  That being said...I wish I had your problem :o

Answer 3

I have a same problem. We could be a good couple with cleanest house in the neighborhood.

Answer 4

I'm the same way to some extent. I have 3 kids under 4, and spend the majority of my day cleaning, organizing, sanitizing, etc. I think the biggest reason is because I feel blessed that I get to be home while my husband is away working, the least I can do is keep the house clean, laundry done, dinner prepared, etc ... for when he gets home.  

Answer 5

I think you are right up there with other "normal" stay at home moms. I think we are expected to have the house in perfect order, since in others eyes...that is our job. (mind the fact there are kids right behind you usually tearing it right back apart!!) It is seemed that we are home all day and even though there are kids to take care of (besides ourselves too) that it is "easy" enough to keep a house clean. I have a 10 and 5 year old that can easily rip apart everything while im out for 1/2 hour on the weekend picking something up!  I think you have to do what you think is best, right now its keeping a spotless house!  As the kids mature, you might refocus attention on other things, and you might not. But know that there is a lot of pressure on us SAHM's to be this way.  

Answer 6

No offense, but the way you explain it it seems like you could possibly be suffering from an OCD.  I would take small steps.  Maybe try to leave a mess for as long as possible and try to focus on playing wit yur child(ren).  See how long you can leave it and keep leaving it for longer and longer.  I know it seems foolish but it may work.  Then at the end of the night you and your husand can clean up.

Your home doesn't have to be perfect and if it is it may be unsettling for your children.  They may think they can't do anything. (I mean this in a good way towards you.)

Good luck and if I think of any other tips I will let you know. = )

Answer 7

I am a stay-at-home mom with two children; a 2 year old daughter and a 5 month old son.  Honestly, since my son was born I have had the opposite problem.  He was a very difficult baby in the beginning so I didn't bother keeping up on the house work.  In some ways I am glad because my daughter has needed more of me since the baby has been born.  I say put down the mop and just let your house be comfortably lived in.  Enjoy your children.  Don't get after them for making messes, they are kids.  Let them be kids.  Your children will grow up before you know it and you may regret all the time you spend bleaching the bathroom floor and not spending enough time with your children.  If you find that you just cannot stop cleaning then maybe you should talk with your doctor.  Good luck.

Answer 8

I have been a SAHM for almost 10yrs.  Can you please come to MY house???!!!lol!!  If you feel like this cleaning obsession is taking over your life, talk to someone about it.  There might be an underlying reason as to why you have to have the perfect house.  My home has moments of being completely sanitized....but more often than not, you may trip over a toy, there is always a load of laundry waiting and you will find dust somewhere if not everywhere.  I am not a slob, but with 3 kids...I spend most of my time driving to sports and school and playdates.  OH!! MY CAR IS A DISASTER!!

Answer 9

Maybe a couple sessions with a counselor would help you.  It sounds like you realize that what you're doing is unreasonable.  It's very unhealthy to use that much bleach in your house.

I've stayed at home since my second child was born, and my housekeeping standards have relaxed considerably since then.  I think that's more typical.  I have experienced the same sort of thing, though.  It turned out I had very severe postpartum depression.  I'm not trying to diagnose you, but that's what my experience was.

Answer 10

I think you have anxiety. You are trying to measure up - feel "worthy". You feel that unless your house is immaculate - you are failing as a SAHM. You also probably feel that this is one thing in your world that you can control - you decide if the tub is sparkling, how nice the bed looks etc... I think you should tell your doc. It sounds like a pretty typical coping mechanism for anxiety. Good luck mama - you are not alone in this behaviour!

Answer 11

I think that this is pretty common.  Part of the problem is that we LIVE at our office, so we always feel on the job, ya know.  Its hard.  When I'm spending time with the kids, I feel guilty that the house is getting messy.  When I'm cleaning, I feel guilty that I'm not spending time with the kids.  You just can't win!  

My only advice is to think of it this way.  20 years from now, do you think it will really matter that 20 years ago you didn't have any rings in your toilet?  The things that you do with your children will, though.  You children will remember walks in the park, coloring with you, playing hide and seek.  They won't remember how thoroughly vacuumed the carpet was.

Don't get me wrong, I DO think having a clean house is important.  It's just maybe your taking it a little too far . . . It's hard to know where to draw the line, though.  Like I said, you just can't win.  Too bad we can't simply duplicate ourselves, huh?  I'd make my duplicate go in the kitchen and wash those dishes sitting in my sink!

Answer 12

it's so hard to say if you have OCD bc we don't really know you and aren't doctors.  But if you are a SAHM to two babies then my guess is your life has been stressful and exhausting since you got pregnant w/ your first.   Raising kids is hard work and taking care of a house is challenging.  There is so much pressure to be a supermom and do it all perfectly.   is there another part of your life that is making you unhappy or that is out of control (marriage, family, weight, appearance, health.)  Maybe you are trying to make the house "picture perfect"  because that's the only thing you can control right now.  If you were to die tomorrow are you going to think, I wish I spent more time cleaning my house?  NO you're going to say, I wish I spent more time with my kids and the people I love and  doing  things that made me happy.  Figure out what the real problem is and start to address that.  if you don't like looking at the mess than stop spending as much time in the house..get outside with the kids, go see friends or join a moms group.   Start cutting back on the cleaning and especially  the organizing.  it will all just get messy a week later and you'll be cleaning again  so why torture yourself.    Yeah you need to set aside time to clean but you need time for YOU to relax and recharge and to spend with your kids.  Hang in there :)