I need some advice, well some support can you help?

Question

Okay we were hoping our financial situation would change by now. And my husband and I are having a lot of discussions of the finances. We had been thinking of having a baby but now I don't think its such a good idea. And I think he feels the same way but neither of us want to say anything. We are going to talk tonight about it. I know what I have to say is going to upset both of us (heck its tearing me apart) but I feel we need to hold off a little longer. I just don't feel that I can bring a child into the world when our finaces are so iffy. I want to know we can provide for a child and not be living from paycheck to paycheck. I'm not pregnant so that isn't even the issue. I just feel if we do this we will have more problems than we need right now. Like I said I'm pretty sure he feels the same way but I know this discussion is going to hurt like you know where.

Any advice on how I should handle this, maybe on how to keep my composure. This isn't easy

Anybody else been here?

Also I know that living paycheck to paycheck just hoping the money doesn't run out isn't the best time to start a family

Answer 1

it is very sensible of you to wait until you are financially able even if people say children need love not money you still need to have money for the essentials that children need.  if your partner feels the same then I'm sure he is dreading your "talk" just as much as you are so all I can suggest is to make it as easy as possible and as quick as possible :)  I can't give you the exact words you can say but I can wish you luck and I'm sure it will all work out for the best.  

Answer 2

Living paycheck to paycheck is also not the worst situation to bring a baby into.  Just a thought.

We're paycheck to paycheck.  Children need love - not Nikes.  We have decided to hold off on baby 3 (we had two miscarriages but have now decided to wait) until our financial situation improves a bit.  We're getting ready to make a big move out of state and that includes a job change, so there is no insurance after Thursday.

Anyway, it's smart that you realize you are not in a great position financially but I don't honestly think you should solely base the birth of your child on money.

Answer 3

If you feel definite about waiting, you need to be prepared to answer (for him and yourself) how long the waiting will be.  You can't just have some vague concept of "when things are better"  because it will always seem like it isn't the ideal time.  Make a firm goal and how to reach it of what you feel you need to take care of financially before you feel ready.  Maybe once all your dog's expenses are paid, or when you've paid down on credit card, or when you've saved up a few month's worth of income (it would be good to have at least 3 months worth of income saved up...you never know if you may have to go on early maternity leave.)  

Whatever you decide you need to fix financially, you need to have a plan and a time line on how you are going to do it.  Don't wait forever to have a baby either...the two of you will start to resent one another.  Perhaps you could speak to a financial planner to help you come up with a savings plan.  

Answer 4

I'm happy to meet someone in the SAME EXACT situation as me! My husband and I were trying from March-June for a baby, then stopped because we realized we didn't have enough money. In July, he lost his job; earlier this month, he got a new one; and we had another baby discussion. We realized that it was either now or in 7 years, and I'm just not willing to wait that long.

I would love to talk to you more about it; you can email me at [e-mail] if you'd like.

Answer 5

Hi, I'm 19 weeks and also went through a lengthy process in working out if we could financially support a child.

After working out how much it would cost us monthly and still save for school fees we decided we could go ahead.  We also made sacrifices to save money, because a child would be more precious than anything.

Answer 6

Sort out your financials and limit spending on things you really dont need.  A year can make a big difference.

Answer 7

I agree with Tracey.  If one were to wait until the financial situation were perfect before starting a family, most of us would still be waiting.

I am not telling you  to reconsider; that is your decision to make.  But I am saying that money isn't that most important factor in having a baby.  And besides, babies don't really cost as much as everyone makes it out to be.

Good luck!

Answer 8

you've just answered your own question : )

Answer 9

I think you are smart. Waiting even 6 months could really help your financial situation. You have many years to have a baby and waiting until finances are in order will ease the stress, because you don't need more stress when you have a baby. It is okay to let your husband now that you are disappointed, but if you are both on the same page getting to were you want o be will be easier.