I need some advice. I just don't know what to do. Plz help me!?

Question

I'm kinda young and I'm pregnant with my first child. I have a great support system. My mom, my friends and the rest of my family is all here for me. I'm so excited about becoming a mother.

The problem is my boyfriend. I've been pretending that my relationship with him is so wonderful but the truth is he hits me. I left him before I found out that i was pregnant. Now we are planning to move together next week. I'm scared because I know his anger is going to get worse. We live with his parents at the moment. I'm tired of the abuse. I cry everytime that I look at the scars. If he doesn't care about the mother of his child enough to not hit her then how could he care about his child. I don't want to bring a baby into this situation but I want to keep the baby. I don't want my child to have to grow up without a father. I really don't know what to do about this. It's tearing me up inside and it's stressing me out to the point of tears everyday.

Answer 1

Hun as hard as this is, dont move in with him. It will only get worse, and you need to protect the baby as well as yourself

Answer 2

In all honesty, your child will be better off without a father than having one who will hit you and eventually start to hit your child. For your wellbeing, do not move in with him and when the baby is born, have supervised visitation. Get a restraining order. Tell your support system that he hits you and you are scared. It will only get worse when you live together. What happens if he beats you to a point where you lose the baby? It has happened before and I'm sure you want no part of it. For your own safety and the future safety of your child, please leave him.

A child who lives in that environment grows up thinking that it is normal. If you have a daughter, she will think getting hit is normal. If you have a son, he will continue the cycle of hitting.

Answer 3

Everyone has given you great advise i think you should really listen and do what your heart is telling you DONT DO IT.

Answer 4

I know that leaving him is easier said than done. Have you told your mom and friends about this? How about his mom? I bet his mom would whoop his hiney if she knew her son was hitting a woman. My advice is to tell SOMEONE. Your family and friends need to know what is going on. It is not your fault that this is happening. If your support system is aware, THEY will help you and your baby get out of this situation, and chances are, they will protect you in the process too. People telling you that you "should have left him the first time" etc. don't know that when you love someone, and they do something like that, it's flabbergasting, yet you really do hope and pray and think that it won't happen again. Then it does. They don't realize that even if he has hurt you, you still love that person.

You are right to be concerned about the safety of your child. If he doesn't get his anger under control, chances are at some point, he will take that out on your child. Even if he never touches your child, and he continues to abuse you, your child will be affected by that, whether he/she witnesses the abuse or not. Even babies are affected by the emotions of the adults around them.

So, again, my advice is to go about this very slowly and carefully, nothing abrupt. Do you know that in situations like this, the person being hit is in the most danger of being hurt worse than they ever have when they choose to leave the relationship. (Not trying to upset or scare you, I just want you to be aware and be informed). Get your support system in tow, and have someone who can talk to your boyfriend without him getting mad, or at least have someone around if you want to try and talk to him, and if he will cooperate, help him get help. I think that this is the best strategy to make sure that you and your child are safe. If he doesn't cooperate, then you have that someone there with you to leave with. If things escalate out of control, please do not hesitate to call 911. Your child deserves it, and so do you.

Answer 5

Leave Him chances are he will Beat your child To or worse cause you to have a Miscarriage.Leave Him There is plenty of other places you could Go if not with friends or family they have Plenty of shelters out there to keep you are your child safe.You Now have more to worry about then just you and him hitting you Because now you have an innocent child that does not deserve to be in a Place like that nor Do you.The Best advice i can give Is Leave him even if that means sending him to Jail for beating you.

Answer 6

GET OUT - do not move in with him. It's not safe for you or your child. You've done it before and you need to do it now.

Yes it's nice for a kid to have both parents, but if it's an abusive situation, it wont' be. Your child could learn to be an abuser, could learn that that's normal for someone to abuse them, or could just put up a brick wall and not let anyone get close enough to them to have a good (healthy!) relationship.

It'll make it even harder on the child and there are just a host of issues you and your child will have to deal with down the line. You said you've got a great support system - use it and get away from the abuser before it's too late.

Answer 7

rule number 1...If he hits you once he WILL hit you again..

rule number 2. If he hits you again, take a bat to his head.

rule number 3. If he hits you again, shoot him in the balls.

Answer 8

You sound like a very wise young woman and it's clear that you really love your baby and want the best for him or her.  There is no way that someone can tell you the best thing to do in this situation over yahoo answers.  Whether you decide to stay in the relationship with him or leave the relationship with him, you really need some face to face, or at least phone to phone advice with a professional, but just know:

It's not your fault

You don't deserve it

You and your baby need to be safe.

It would be so good for you to talk to a person who specialises in domestic violence.  Obviously I don't know where you're from so I can't give you information about where to go, but you can probably just google it.  If you share a computer with him, be really careful to clear all of the searches after you do so.

Also please have a look at this website.  Although it's a New Zealand organisation, it has really good information and I use it for clients even though I live in Fiji now.  Also, the women that work here are amazing and at the very least if you email them and tell them where you are they will be able to help you find someone in your area.  http://www.preventingviolence.org.nz

Especially have a look at the bit which says "Education and Awareness", if you read through some of the things you'll probably feel as if there's someone who knows exactly what you're talking about.

Good on you for taking the second step - you've already admitted that there's an issue and sought to get help which is way more than most women would have the courage to do in your situation.  I wish that I could help you more on here, but please find someone offline who can support you whatever you decide.

Answer 9

Leave him now.  He will not change and it would be easier to leave him before you are living together and before the baby comes.  If he's this bad now living in his parents home, how much worse is he going to be in your own place with no one else around?

Growing up without a father is not such a bad thing if the alternative is a violent home.  My father was a drunk and the best thing my mother ever did for herself and us kids was kick him out.  Better for the child to have one good parent than one good and one violent.

Think about what you want, stand up for yourself, tell yourself you are a beautiful, strong woman and give him the flick.

Answer 10

never stay with a man who hurts you -- no matter what!! I know itll hurt but you'll be doing the right thing -- for you and your baby.

Good luck!

Answer 11

Let me start by telling you that I know you are in a complicated delimma.  I grew up in a home where my father beat us. It started where he would beat up my mom not in front of us and he emotionally abused my brother s and I.  Then he started hitting us it was terrible.  I always asked my mom why she didn't leave him that we didn't need him.  She finally got up the courage to leave him when I was a sophormore in college.  However, he made it terrible hid money stole all of our things etc.

She is making it now but it is very hard on her he doesn't pay like he is suppose to.

Anyway, it has damanged us kids her staying with him so long.  My brother is angry and aggressive, my older brother has williams syndrome which mean he has a mentality of a 6 year old he went on vacation with my father court ordered and he took my brother to a w***e house.  And I have problems with believing that I am good enough to be loved and abondonment issues.

So I know that it is hard and scary to leave especially since now you have a baby.  But if he hits you and especially is he has demeaned you and verbally abused you then you probably think you need him.  But what about your baby doesn't he/she deserve to grow up being loved and having you in their life.  I hated comming home I never knew what it was gonna be like.  Don't you and your baby deserve to be loved and safe?

My advice go to someone who can be your support system someone who will help you if you want to leave.  Go to the police get a restraining order document your injuries. Have you support system go with you make them promise to be strong for you when you think you want to go back. But you NEED to be strong and think of that little one.  If you are pregnant and he is hitting you you could hurt or kill that baby.

I really don't want to sound like I am telling you what to do and I know that I sort a do, I guess it is just that I wish my Mom would have left sooner maybe I wouldn't feel so horrible about myself sometimes.  My husband tried to make me feel better and tells me I am wonderful but deep down those feelings will probably always be there and they creep back when you least expect them.

Good Luck and I hope it all works out.  if you need to talk I willbe happy to listen

Answer 12

too many good, honest men for you to settle for him. tell me where this boy is so i can stomp a hole in him. besides that, while he's sleeping grab the biggest iron skillet you have and smash his face in with the edge of it repeatedly with all your might, and then tell everyone he fell down. the boy needs a head butt and you need a real man. call me anytime.

Answer 13

My friend is in the same situation. Their child is now 6 months old. She left him then found out about her little boy a few weeks later. She said it's different now but I don't know about that.

All I can since your family is supportive show them the scars. They will help you.

As for your baby growing up with out a dad. Better with out a dad then watching the person who loved you so much to give up so much to have you beaten. I know how concerened my son is when I just scrape myself or get a paper cut. I would hate it for him to live in a world were mum is always hurting he would never be happy.

Leave him! It's easy for me to say it but it's hard for you to do. Be strong! If not for you but for your child!

Answer 14

maybe you guys should try counseling and maybe you should ask your mom or someone to call you everyday to check on you because you never know how high his anger will escalate and maybe you should wait awhile before you guys move in together because he can cause you to lose your baby stress or even violence and if he is abusing you now what makes you think the abuse wont get worst when you guys are alone in a home together and if he abuses you it is a high possibility he will abuse the baby who will probally cry and work his never think before you move in with him you should discuss this with your mother a mother is always a good support system

Answer 15

you should have left him the first time he even layed a finger on you. honestly u need to bin that man cos he is no good for you or the baby. have u ever spoken to him about it, does he even realise that what he is doing is wrong? you should never accept that and u need to be strong and leave him, live with your own family.... just cause u leave him doesn't mean your family and friends wont be there for you, there is no point in pretending because your only lying to yourself...the sooner u tell them the sooner u will feel better cos u shouldn't go through this alone. tell your family so they can support u and maybe break his neck! and don't let him manipulate u in any way cos what he is doing is WRONG full stop, nothing can make that acceptable. good luck and be strong cos ur baby needs you, you will be saving both of u by doing this.

Answer 16

Leave him.  Stay with your parents.  Send him to anger management and if he gets the help he needs, maybe then you'll think about giving him some rights.  Stop this now before you end up married and have to run away with your child when he starts abusing him or her.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 17

Go for help from you mom or from a trusted adult. its worth it. or else he can serisouly hurt you. its the best for you & the baby. with doing this your puttng both you and the babys life at steak. do whats best for both of you. its the only way out. talk to a trusted adult.