I need some advice...am I overreacting?

Question

I'm sorry this is so long. Please read it if you have the time.

Here's the situation. My husband and I got married almost three months ago. We moved 17 hours away from our families for his new job. His new job requires him to be gone during the week so he is only home on weekends. This isn't the main problem, just part of it, since I knew he would be traveling before we got married. Now we have seven parrots - I take care of them during the week since my husband's gone and he helps out on the weekends with them.

Now here's the problem. My husband decided he wanted a puppy so when we were at a pet store (I know, not the best place to get a dog), he decided he was going to buy a puppy. I didn't stop him, but I didn't encourage him since I do not want a puppy nor have I ever wanted a puppy. This was Sunday. Now my husband left Monday morning for work and so I have been the one taking care of the puppy (and the birds). I cannot deal with it - I wake up at night to take it out, I waste my short lunch break from work (I work full-time) trying to get the puppy to go potty outside - I don't even get to eat, I feel like I can't do anything after work. I have no one around to help me out since my family lives up in MN and we're in TX. Now I understand this isn't the puppy's fault as she is just a baby.

I called my husband on my lunch break crying and left him a message stating that he either needed to come home or he needed to find a place for the puppy since I do not want to deal with it. He called me back (when I was outside with the puppy so I didn't hear it) and basically yelled at me saying that he's working his butt off to provide for us and if I want to eat on my lunch break I should stop by somewhere before going home (we're not made of money, I can't eat out all the time). Pretty much he doesn't want to get rid of the puppy even though he's been around her less than 12 hours. I'm stressed, tired, and just want to leave. Do you think I am overreacting or is he way out of line?

Answer 1

Well he wanted and got the puppy. It is his responsibility. He shouldn't have put it all on you. If the animals are really bothering you and getting in the way of your work, get rid of the animals. tell him you cant handle them without help.  

Answer 2

He is way out of line...he got an animal that he is NOT able to take care of...that is technically neglect. You are not overreacting and how he just expects you to take care of it without even asking you was messed up...im sorry.

Answer 3

i  dont think its over reacting you need to talk to him about this problem maybe hire a kid in ur neighborrhood to come over and take the dog out so at least you can eat during lunch and not have to run  back and forth ok hope i helped

Answer 4

I agree with the answers above, your husband should have asked you about the puppy since he isn't around to take care of it. I dont think you are over-reacting too much, there could be bigger problems right now. But, on the brighter side, the puppy won't be a puppy forever.

Answer 5

wow, how old are you? I sure hope you guys are not planning on children anytime soon.

Answer 6

i think ur over reacting what if u get pregnant n have a kid r u gonna try get rid of it too...

Answer 7

I think in this case its not the factor of overreacting, but, I believe both of you guys aren't understanding each others feelings. You both sound tired and over worked, while you want to have time to relax, your husband wants an outlet to relax which is what the puppy is for. I think instead of just getting rid of it figure out a schedule. Maybe he can take the puppy with him sometimes and then you have it another time.

I think you both should sit down and talk things through. Tell him how you feel but be willing to listen to his side as well, do not cry, it will not get you anywhere. If you want your marriage to be strong and not let a puppy come in the way, you should try to work things out. Maybe even put some signs up around your neighborhood to see if someone could watch your puppy while your at work. I know there are tons of kids where I live who are always looking for extra cash.

Just talk things through and don't get upset no matter how stressed things seem.  

Answer 8

You think a puppy is bad, try having 6 frickin kids!!  Talk about lack of sleep!

All jokes aside, getting a puppy should have been a mutual decision especially since he's not home much.  I'd be pissed too.

Answer 9

He's out of line. He knew you were going to be the one taking care of the puppy while he's at work all week, but didn't feel the need to discuss it with you beforehand. However, you also should have pointed this out to him BEFORE you got the puppy. Now you can call him back and tell him that you didn't realize it would be this much work and you don't think you can do it.

Answer 10

the problem began when you bought the second parrot...  

Answer 11

This is an unusual situation.

You have been married such a short time.

From here your situation makes me wonder if your hubby is collecting trophies.

He has a new beautiful bride. a bunch of exotic birds and now a new puppy.

(in my observation of people)

Some people are "how it sounds" people and some are "how it looks" people and others are "how it feels" people.

I have known people who do one thing and say another, expecting other people to be satisfied with what has been said, even though it does Not match what has been or is being done.

On the weekend when your hubby is home I would ask him why he wants a puppy at this time, when he is not there to bond with and help train it. Does he expect you to make this puppy into the family dog he has in his head from the perfect family snapshot he has planned?

I would point out to him that he is doing the opposite of bonding with the puppy and for that matter putting all this responsibility on his new bride is having the opposite of bonding there too.

If something is not done soon you will begin to resent him for not caring about you and your lunch and for taking you for granted. And he will resent you for not being the trophy wife who quietly trains the trophy man's best friend for him to come home to after working his butt off all week.

Answer 12

I wonder why you didn't speak up when he first mentioned getting a puppy.  The both of you needed to have a discussion about getting a puppy before you went to a pet store, before you bought one and brought it home.  You would have found out why he wants a puppy so much, and he would have found out about your feelings of unfairness regarding your caring for all the birds already and that adding a puppy to the chores/responsibilities/tasks is wearing on you.  You two need to sit down and discuss things - neither one of you are mind readers.  Your stressed and tired - I understand so completely.  But when you say you want to leave - do you mean leave your husband and the marriage?  If that's the case, then yes, you are overreacting if it's simply becuase of the puppy.  Hope this helps - I am sorry you are so stressed out - hand in there, take a deep breath.

Answer 13

Very difficult situation however, go to the pet store and ask for some puppy training pads. That should help puppies learn easily. As for the parrots well you do have too many, but it's your decision to have them not mine. You enjoy your pets and train your puppy and you'll see it's not that bad. Good Luck!

Answer 14

no, your not overreacting.

its like you had a kid that you didnt even want.

somthing, that your husband wants, and your left to take care of it.

maybe you should talk to him about making your decisions together, rather than this mother and son relationship;

you know, the kind where the kid promises to take care of a pet he begged for, then he doesnt, so you are left to take care of it.

so, yeah:]

[:oliviarenne:]

Answer 15

Yes, I think you are overreacting.  You sound like you need to get busy and the move is putting strain on your relationship.  Often these types of problems are symptomatic of deeper issues . . . sometimes not . . . you do the guesswork.

Answer 16

that is very stress full.  i myself was just married in may, and just got our 2nd puppy (we got the first one 2 wks ago).  My advice would be to get a crate (is a dog cage).  leave the puppy there at night and cover the crate with a sheet or something, she will cry for a few days, but she will get over it.  while you are at work, you can let her dog out of the cage, say in your kitchen (on linoleum, and closed off to all of the other areas.  it may go potty on the floor a time or two, but she will stop). once house broken dogs will not to go to the bathroom where they sleep.

Answer 17

I think that you're not overreacting. Taking care of one pet is stressful, I can't imagine what it's like to be taking care of 8! Try sharing duties with him, talk to him and figure out a plan everyone likes. Hope this helps.

Answer 18

I think he should have talked with you about the dog first.  Particularly since you are the only one home during the week.

Don't think about having kids anytime soon, lol.

Answer 19

God dont have kids or he will get fired from you calling him telling him to come home all of the time. My ex brother inlaw had that happen. It isnt fair that he did that but you need to get out and get a job. If people are capible of working  then they should.  

Answer 20

It sounds like many emotions are coming together... Just talk to your husband and let him know that having a puppy is not a good idea.  Maybe he can try taking the puppy himself so he can see how hard it is to work and take care of a pet.  Try calling a friend you can talk to so they can also give you some advice or maybe visiting your family could also make you feel much better.

Answer 21

i think that you should sit down and have chat with your husband. you are not in any way over reacting and explain how you feel and if he just yells again then i suggest that you get some counceling or if you think it is getting out of control then think about moving back home because you are obviously struggling and it is unfair..hope everything works out and good luck :]

Answer 22

You are not overreacting. You are stressed and I can see why. Your husband is being selfish because he isnt home enough to care for these animals that he just has to have. I think your problem is deeper than just the pet issue. He doesnt really seem to be concerned with how you are feeling. I would try talking to him again when you arent crying and tell him your feelings.  If he still does not listen then I suggest going to a counselor. Good luck

Answer 23

Eff that honey! He is never home why would he think it would be ok to get a puppy?? You did need to put your foot down and tell him NO but you always didn't sound like you were stoked about it either. Did he even ask you if it would be ok? That's not right if he didn't he's never going to be home to take care of it and you had no say in buying it? WRONG! I would sell the puppy if I were you, plus puppies need attention and if you can't give it to him and he obviously can't either you should give it to someone who can otherwise that puppy is going to tear your house up and start being destructive.

Answer 24

whoa, hang on!  you have 7 parrots, but you can't take care of a puppy!! Please don't have kids or you'll really be screwed

Answer 25

I think you are overreacting a little, and that he is significantly out of line.  Buying a puppy for someone else to take care of is rude, and a huge imposition.  However, crying about it is a bit of an overreaction.

I have some advice for you that I hope you take seriously.  The best advice about this you could possibly get would be from dog lovers.  Please copy this question and ask it again, but this time select the category Pets > Dogs.  I bet you would get lots and lots of helpful tips there that would take a way a lot of your stress.  Please try it.

Answer 26

You are not overreacting at all. I think it was selfish for him to get a puppy that he himself doesn't even have enough time to spend with. I think if he wanted one so badly, he would've had the sense to be responsible for it. I think you're absolutely right in the way you feel, and you need to stress those feelings a lot more. If he can't understand your predicament, he has some work to do as far as being a REAL MAN.

Answer 27

He is behaving like a selfish jerk...

We teach people how to treat us.

Tell him that the puppy deserves a better home and adopt him out....You have ENOUGH to deal with.

Never EVER settle for less than you deserve. Advise him that his emotional blackmail days are OVER!!

END of story.

Answer 28

don't have any kids

seriously take him to a class my niece did it with her yorkie it work out great but dogs are like babies they demand alot of attention  

Answer 29

Give the puppy away.And if you`re husband gets mad,Well you already told him ,And he didn't listen.

Men are such arrogant azz`s

Answer 30

You are overreacting  but just a little.You have the right to be angry and stressed out. It is technically his puppy not yours so he should be the one taking care of it.If he can't manage to take care of the puppy and work during the week like you are doing now then he needs to find a new home for the puppy where the people have the time to take care of it.Hope this helps.

Answer 31

I do not want to sound mean but you used very bad judgement when you got a another animal.  Puppies are just like babies.  They need one on one attention. You need to get a better home for your little puppy.  You and your husband are too busy now to take on this responsibility..  You mean well and I'm sure you are a wonderful caregiver to your animals.  Can you get a neighbor to walk your puppy?? Best of luck to you.  I hope you are not considering children anytime soon.