I need some advice from other moms...

Question

I am a stay-at-home mom with great kids & a great husband. I also have a college education. My problem is, I never have anyone else around to help me with the kids & I never get a break from them. I love them so much, but I need a little quiet time too. I am always busy, but bored at the same time. And I feel like I am not contributing to our family. I have even thought about going back to school. What should I do, what would be a good job for me? Has anyone else felt this way?

Answer 1

Every day of my life I feel this way. Being a SAHM is a lonely job. I decided about a month ago I was going to go get a part time job just so I could have some kind of adult contact and something to do other than JUST being mom (its wonderful but sometimes it gets so hard.)  I work while my husband is home to stay with the kids 2 or 3 days a week.

You could also look into a mommy's group or play date group type of thing.

One of my friends always insisted on taking her kids to daycare at least one day a week, in the afternoon, just so she could have some alone time and the kids could get socialization with others rather than just themselves.  

Answer 2

I'm a teacher and a foster Mom.  Summers for me are the same.  Fun, busy, and boring.  Do you have hobbies?  If so, start engaging in them.  If not, find some.  I sew and read when the baby is sleeping.  If I have older preschoolers (since I foster, my kids vary in age), I can engage them in an independent activity to give myself a good 1/2 hour or so alone if need be.  They are old enough to understand, "Mommy needs some quiet time."  I'm looking into maybe even doing part-time sewing work for gDiapers.  Starting a work-at-your-leisure home job is a great idea (Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Avon, Arbonne, etc.) that someone else suggested.  

Another good option is to get into a babysitting group - you and a few Moms trade off babysitting each other's kids.  Here's how it works: 2 Moms babysit the other 2 Moms' kids once a week; then you switch roles the next day so that all of the Moms get a day free each week.  If the 2 Moms babysit at the same house, they get to spend time together and the kids get some social interaction.  Plus, the Moms who are kid-free get to either go out together or just have their own quiet time.  The flexibility is nice, since you don't have to commit to babysitting someone else's kids every single day regardless if you're sick or feeling tired (that's the bad thing about being a full-time babysitter).  

If you don't have many Mom-friends with whom you can arrange something like this, check your local Churches.  I'd be willing to bet a few of them have this sort of system (they usually use a token system where you get paid in tokens each time you sit, then you pay for your own sitting with the tokens you've earned).  If they don't, you can always request it!  Also, Churches frequently have Mother's Day Out (2-3 times a week, babysitting for a few hours).  You can get to know the other Moms and spend time with them, or just be alone.  And further, Churches also frequently have Mothers of Preschoolers groups that help SAHMs get together, meet one another, form friendships, and address common issues with a group leader who is usually the parent of teenage-or-older kids.  

As you can see from all of your responses, you're DEFINITELY not in the minority.  Many SAHMs feel this way!  Keep your head up - you're doing the best thing for your family; unfortunately, motherhood is usually a thankless job.  I hope the suggestions help!

Answer 3

Well, HELLO SISTER!! I completely hear ya...I am a married mother of 2 and I stay home too. Don't get me wrong, it is such a blessing to have the kids at home and know I am raising them, and they are safe, and we are saving money from not having to put them in day care. But it can get boring, and lonely. My one son will be back at school soon, but the other one I have is two years old, plus I am expecting in February ( which I am sure will make me a bit more busy). Please know, you are contributing plenty to your family. Maybe a good option for you is to place an ad for babysitting in your home. Lots of stay at home moms do it, and make a bit of extra money, while the kids get someone else to play with. It is something I have thought of, but with having a baby soon, I guess I am not ready for the added responsibility. Also, I know some mothers who own a business, like Pampered Chef, or Home and Garden Party, and they really like it and do well with it. I think it takes a certain kind of person to be sucessful at it, but maybe thats your niche. If you think having the parties and gathering would be fun, maybe you'd do well with it.

But please don't feel alone...there are other moms in the same shoes :)

I hope it helps ya out...blessings to you

Answer 4

i have one daughter she is 21 months, i felt  a bit like this and decided i wanted to be a nurse, i have to start at the bottom and work my way up, so i applied for a job as a care assistant going to old ladies and mens homes and looking after them (granted not everyone can face doing the job as it is a bit like looking after big kids at times!) they sent me to collage to do my nvq 2 which i have just completed and im now looking for a job in the local hospital, its a perfect job wen you have kids as you can work evenings that way u can spend the day with your children!!

Answer 5

It's completely normal to feel the way you do.  I am in the same boat as you.  I found that joining a moms group helped a lot.  You can look on the internet for one in your area.  We got together once a week, and had anon-linee discussion forum.  You can meet moms like yourself and get out of the house.  

Once my kids were old enough to attend Pre-K (around age 3) I put them in 2 days a week for 4 hours each day.  It was just long enough for them, and it gave me a little "mommy time" to shop, sleep, or whatever.  You could even get a part time job during those hours.  

Also, my kids got into elementary school, I discovered the PTA and now I spend much of my time volunteering at the school.  

I know that being a mommy is THE most important job I'll ever have, and I wouldn't trade it for the world....but sometimes I felt bogged down, and I don't know how to describe it, just unvalidated, maybe.  But now that I'm involved in volunteering, I feel like I've found my place.

Good luck!!

Answer 6

I totally feel for you! I'm in the same position, I'm a stay at home mom, and I do all the housework, cook, clean, laundry, and watch my 4 year old and 1 year old, not to mention I'm 7 months pregnant. Sometimes I get wore out just by daily house chores, but I have put in applications everywhere.... just so I can get some time out of the house.

Since you have a college education, try getting a job that relates to that. You could even try to work for a day care... even though that may defeat the solution. Once when you get a job, it's okay to put your kids in daycare, just do your homework. Listen to references from friends to see which ones they use. A little social education for them is great, and being around other kids, does just that! Then, after awhile, take a day for yourself. Take a day off of work, after you have vacation time, take a day, put the kids in daycare, and schedule something nice for yourself, like a day at the spa. It will give you time to reflect and rejuvenate! Good Luck!

Answer 7

Not contributing to the family? What do you do all day? Of course you contribute.

You already have the most important job EVER.

Bored, I understand, doing the same things, no matter what they are will do that. Why not try online classes? You can stimulate your brain and still keep that SUPER IMPORTANT job you have.

Answer 8

Yes I feel this way all the time. I am a SAHM to a 4yr old boy and 2yr old daughter and I go to school full time at night...I get bored and frustrated as well...especially with gas prices the way they are and the kids driving me nuts! I feel like all I do is clean and cook, clean and cook and my 2yr old is a maniac lol She trashes the house whenever I clean and it frustrates me to death but them when school starts...then I am so stressed because I am up all night working on papers and studying and then I have to clean and cook and I don't feel like I am with my kids...so either way it can get me down! I just try to play with the kids as much as possible or sit and watch movies with them or take them places where its to far or costs too much! Good Luck!

Answer 9

I don't think your feelings are unusual. And please, realize that you ARE contributing to your family. However, a job might not be a bad thing. You did not mention what your college experience was in. Perhaps you could get a part time job in that field? Or perhaps any part time job would get you out of the house for the breather you need.

You may also want to consider occasionallyhiring a sitter so you and your husband can have some time together, or even hire a sitter so you can have some time out shopping or whatever.

Answer 10

Depends on how old your kids are.  I would get a part-time job, especially when they are in school most of or all of the day.  I don't understand those parents who have kids in school full time yet still stay at home all day.  My mom did this and I thought what a waste.

Go ahead, give me the thumbs down!

Are you looking for quiet time, or money to earn to contibute to the family budget?  Or both? Do you have some college education, or a college degree?  You weren't very clear in these areas.