I need some advice on what to do.

Question

I'm looking for advice on what to do. Here is the story, I dated this girl for like 5 months last year Jan-May. She broke up with me for many reasons but mostly s*x, the 1st time we tried having s*x I had problems and she could never get past that.

Anyways, we decided to be friends and just see what happened as we both cared about each other as a person. So for the last year now we have been friends and hung out quite a bit.

Anyways she quit her job to be with her son and I've been supporting here for the last year. I've asked her over the last year many times if she thought she wanted something more again and she would say no that she wants to be alone for awhile and that we should stay friends. I said OK, I understand if you want to be alone for awhile. Well I find out she has been dating this guy for like 2 months without telling me, all the while feeding me lines about maybe there would be something more between us down the line.

I still care about her and think I want to be her friend and help her with buying things for her son and herself. I guess I'm having a dilemma on if I can continue to be friends with someone who lied to me so much. I know she needs a friend and needs help with her finacial situation. I could really use some advice.

I really want to be the bigger person and still be there for her, but it's tough.

Answer 1

I think that you have been the "bigger" person for to long. The only thing that she is doing now is using you and you are letting her get away with it. Stop supporting her, stop giving her money and if she is living with you kick her out. That is not right what she is doing.

Answer 2

I know you care about this woman, but she is treating you like a doormat (and you are letting her).  She is doing nothing but taking advantage of your generosity while stringing you along.

Sounds like it's time to cut her loose.  She sounds like she could be a toxic presence, and you don't need that in your life.  If you want to try and continue the friendship, that's one thing.  But stop giving her money, and stop buying things for her and her son.  

EDIT:  Look, I know you want to help her out, but for your own sake, you really need to stop!  Forget the diapers, and "essentials" even.  It's her kid, she can feed him and take care of him.  You are not the child's father, and you aren't even her boyfriend.  You shouldn't be the one providing for this child, and she shouldn't expect it from you.  She is taking advantage of you, plain and simple, and the brutal truth is that she obviously doesn't respect you, or she wouldn't lead you on and treat you so callously.

Just cut her off financially.  This isn't about being the "bigger person."  It's about not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of and be treated like a sap.  Forget about the "Christian Way"--perhaps God wants us to give to those less fortunate, but I don't think he wants us to be walked all over and taken advantage of.  Besides, haven't you ever heard the expression "God helps those who help themselves"?  It was her choice to quit her job.  Sounds like it's time for her to find another one.

Answer 3

She has mistaken your kindness for weakness and taking advantage of you. If you want more, tell her. If she isn't willing then sadly send her on her way. She needs to take care of herself and her child. And you should find a girl who has the same goals as you.

Answer 4

she is using you and you're so blind that you can't see that.  Frankly if you were smart you would cut her loose, she is using you to support not only her but her son.