I need some advice on what to do ? ? ?

Question

I'm looking for advice on what to do. Here is the story, I dated this girl for like 5 months last year Jan-May. She broke up with me for many reasons but mostly s*x, the 1st time we tried having s*x I had problems and she could never get past that.

Anyways, we decided to be friends and just see what happened as we both cared about each other as a person. So for the last year now we have been friends and hung out quite a bit.

Anyways she quit her job to be with her son and I've been supporting here for the last year. I've asked her over the last year many times if she thought she wanted something more again and she would say no that she wants to be alone for awhile and that we should stay friends. I said OK, I understand if you want to be alone for awhile. Well I find out she has been dating this guy for like 2 months without telling me, all the while feeding me lines about maybe there would be something more between us down the line.

I still care about her and think I want to be her friend and help her with buying things for her son and herself. I guess I'm having a dilemma on if I can continue to be friends with someone who lied to me so much. I know she needs a friend and needs help with her finacial situation. I could really use some advice.

Answer 1

Dear MaynardJ:  Of course without knowing all the details it's hard to know exactly what to say; it sounds like you're in a bit of a complex situation.  But I will tell you one thing: women will use men (and other women) to support them as long as they can get away with it.  Women are master manipulators - and I am a woman!  I'm sorry Maynard but it sounds like she's using you for free rent.  How else can you explain her indicating to you that their might be a possibility of getting back together, or that she needs to be alone, all the while dating someone else behind your back for 2 months.  If she feels this new lover will take her in and "provide" for her, she'll probably leave you high and dry and hurt: Thinking you did everything to try to work things out (even letting her live with you and support her child), I hope you're not left heartbroken.  My advise, be it as it comes from a stranger, would be to ask her to leave and move out.  She will try to guilt trip you in every way possible, but you can't give in (because it sounds like she's in it for her, not the both of you).  She may even sleep with you once, or for awhile, to get you feeling those feelings again, but believe me, as a woman (though I've never done this but I know the female psyche), she'll just be using you and using s*x to get what she wants: a man to support her.

I had a friend that I really cared about, but her constant lying always got in the way of us ever truly forming a close, trusting relationship, so I had to back away from our friendship.  Sure, we still stayed friends, but never at that level we all long for.

And what do you mean she quit her job to be with her son???  That's nonsense.  Any single mother knows she just can't up and quit a job when her child depends on her - unless she had a plan to manipulate and move in with you; knowing you really well, she would have been able to forecast that you would say yes.

And about that 1st time s*x thing?  If that means you couldn't sustain an erection, that's totally normal for any number of reasons.  If a woman really cared about you, you would work together towards having great, meaningful s*x for both of you.  The fact that she couldn't get over it blows my mind!  It reaks of a woman whose into herself a little too much, needs instant gratification, and is rather selfish...

I'm sorry to cut down a woman I don't even know and especially sorry it's someone you obviously care about, but I'm a graduate of psychology and I did learn a few things earning my degree- like how to read people.  She's going to hurt you MaynardJ and you have to get "the fantasy" of you and her together out of your mind.  Quitting her job to spend more time with her son???  Like I said that just blows me!  Wouldn't every parent like to do that?  She did it because she knew you were her backup plan.

Stay strong MaynardJ - really strong - get some of your male buddies to help support you and see this woman for who she is based on the way she's acted and the things she's done.  By the way, if you do kick her out, part of her blackmail scheme may be that you can't see her son anymore.  You have to live with that- or find a way around it to let the child know you care.  She may very well throw a tirade, get mad, yell etc... but it's all bullshit.  I'm sure she does care for you but what she cares most about is not having to work and living rent free with a man who'll support her.  I swear on my grandma I think I've got this pegged.  SorryMJ, you sound like a really nice, upstanding guy- you deserve better- way better!

At the risk of repeating myself: the s*x thing-never getting over it???  Quitting her job???  Dating behind your back while leading you on???

Best wishes to you my friend.

Mustang  

Answer 2

Be her friend if it comes from the heart. Sometimes us women try to hold on the what we know is a sure thing even if are hearts are somewhere else.  Sort of like a scapegoat.    If she is seeing someone else obviously from what happened between yall she was totally turned off and does not want a relationship with you in that way and does not know how to tell you.  Or she wants to keep you as her plan B  never feel bad and down your self because what is someones trash is someone else's treasure. You'll meet someone who accepts your faults as well as your qualities.  Never let anyone take you out of you.  If you want to continue to help her and it makes you happy to do that do it but if you feel like you are being taken advantage of then help to an extent  

Answer 3

dats jerry springer **** right  bro

do it!!

Answer 4

She is definitely not being your friend. She is taking advantage of your big heart and your wallet at the same time. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Test her heart....let the well run dry. By the well I mean your wallet. Be there as a friend without the benefit. A real friend doesn't need the money to be your friend.

She may need the money but that is what hard work is for AND a husband/boyfriend. Either of which you are neither. Find someone to bounce ideas off of (a girl). They will play it much straighter and give you insight to what she is thinking.

Right now you are probably being viewed as a fallback plan. Someone she thinks highly of but is just not attracted to. If you are true to yourself she will gain respect for you and maybe later you can have a relationship. Be true to yourself - always. She will like you more for it.

Answer 5

Sorry to say this but it sounds as though she's been using you.

Forget about her, trust me if you keep thinking about her and try get her back, she'll only end up making you feel worse.

Best thing to do is meet another girl BUT don't rush anything, the right girl will come along one day and you can have a happy stress free relationship with her and have your own children.

Answer 6

She is using you. Plain and simple.  Tell her to get a job and cut off the support and you will see how quickly she shows you that she isn't truely your friend after all.  Why work when she's got a chump ready to foot her bills.  Good luck, don't be a schmuk!

Answer 7

The number one thing is to do what your heart tells you. Do some soul searching. You can also try to work through it logically, examine the problem from all angles, consider all possibilities, that sort of thing. Try your best to put yourself in her shoes and see things from her perspective. And when you are up to it, sit down and lay your cards on the table with her, discuss and just talk it out. Good luck.

Answer 8

think about what you really want and go for it. dont worry about whats "right" and "wrong" or how you will be judged. if you want friendship. do it. if not-forget about it. jsut do what you know you will be happy with

Answer 9

Honesty is the answer. She hasn't been honest with you and you deserve someone better.  Its fine to be friends with her but supporting her is another deal.  Remember nice guys finish last so to say.  The best thing you could do is to tell her to go back to work.  If you want to be a friend pay for a good childcare program for her for a couple of months while she gets a job.  If she broke up with you for s*x she doesn't deserve you.  True love isn't about s*x. Recap

Stop supporting her.

Pay for childcare for a month or 2

Tell her to get a job

Go chase some skirts...there are plenty of women out there...be outgoing.

Answer 10

IF  you can get past her using you   .. keep helping her.. it should be her new boy friend supporting her tho... your being to good about this.

Answer 11

Your so-called friend sounds like a w***e (literally) and you are the customer. Only difference is that its not YOU who's getting the happy ending.

Advice? Get away from that woman as soon as possible. If you don't, you deserve whatever she does to you. Let HER take care of her own son. That is NOT your responsibility at all. Her boyfriend can take care of that.

She has manipulated you and has no respect for you whatsoever. She doesn't respect you as a man or a friend in any way,shape, or form. I don't care how many times you guys hung out or had fun together. She has been planning this from the get-go. Trust me.

I got really upset reading your question because I can't stand chicks like that. But at the same time, I don't feel sorry for you. I would say kick her to the curb,but its you who has been kicked to the curb. So all you can do now is get away,and stay away from her.

Honestly though,from what you wrote,you are not going to listen. You actually care about someone who treated you like sh-t and that is a sign of insecurity and weakness. There's nothing weak about caring about someone,but you can't turn a hoe into a house-wife. She ain't worried about you at all. Women like that care only for themselves or their kids...and even at times they don't care about the kids!!!

Answer 12

I guess you can still be friends but forget about anything else.Go find someone else.Thers plenty of fish in the sea.Sounds like youre an older person and should understand

Answer 13

I had a friend like this, and I'm sorry to say that I had to walk away from our friendship because of her behavior.

She was a single mom with a son who kept stringing along an ex-boyfriend with thoughts and maybes while she had been dating another man.  Her ex was footing a good deal of her bills and helped her with rent.  He eventually asked her to marry him, forcing her into an ultimatum situation.  I knew she didn't love him, nor did she love the guy she was dating.  The thing that disgusted me was that she considered marrying the ex and leaving her boyfriend for solely for the financial security.  

I hate to say this so bluntly, but in my situation, she simply used both of the men in her life, not attaching much emotion to either of them.  When her boyfriend found out about the ex, he was furious and began to wean her off of the financial support on his end.  He would just stop filling up her car with gas or giving her cash to buy groceries.  It was little by little - baby steps.  It was incredibly generous of him to give her time to adjust to taking more care of herself, but she became angry with him for withdrawing the funds.  Here is the really sad part, he finally left her, having lost a lot of money and feeling a lot of anguish in the process - not a week later, she had found another guy who was willing to help her pay the bills.  Some women just have that ability.

I would start to pay for fewer things little by little, and give yourself a chance for an emotional break from her.

Best of luck - stay strong.

Answer 14

She is using you! Dump her and move on. I know that's easier said than done, but she's never going to get her act together when you're supporting her. If this were anyone else, you would see instantly that this is the behavior of someone with very bad character. She is taking your money and f*cking someone else. What are you going to do if she gets married to the bf? Would you still send her money? The truth is, her actions speak volumes: she isn't interested in you sexually, and she disrespects you enough to take your money and string you along even though she knows you have no chance. This person isn't your friend. Cut it off, and stay away for a long time - several months to years, if need be. Don't try to contact her. You will need time to heal, and she knows that she has power over you. This really does sound like a toxic relationship. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but that's the advice I have for you. Please take this advice.

Answer 15

I think you should get out of the friendship.  It sounds like shes using you, and she sounds selfish, that she dropped  her job and your supporting her.   Feelings will change, but your chaining yourself to her.  Dont waste anymore of your life going after her there are plenty of other women who will treat you much better then her.  

Answer 16

She may like you, but when it comes to lying to you - it's a sign that she's using you for what she wants/needs.  Try to get her out on her own, and just stay friends.  You can spoil her kid, but let her support herself and her son.  Move on!

Answer 17

u already asked this questin a few days ago, the answer is not gonna change. she's using you! ur just so in love with her to see it.  

Answer 18

She's using you.  No matter how you feel about her, you need to drop her.

Answer 19

follow ure heart

Answer 20

cant her bf take care of her, that would be my attitude

Answer 21

It's very clear (to me) that she does not want anything more than a friendship. If you want anything more than that and are thinking that sticking around and helping her out financially will change her mind, you're going to be disappointed.  

I would move on and try to find someone who cares about you. If you still want to help her out, give her post-dated cheques and walk away. And I'd go to a doctor about the s*x issue....there are certainly things you can do to try to improve that and be happier in that department too.  

Answer 22

If she did really care about you she wouldn't leave you for sexual issues, In my opinion I think that this chick is using you. she told you she wanted to be alone while you where supporting her and her son, but she's been creeping behind your back, she's not lonely, she's just playing you.  

Answer 23

why cant her lame new boyfriend of 2 months support her?