I need some advice with my parents....?

Question

I am a 25 year old female. For about 5 years I was in a very controlling and abusive relationship with this guy and it just killed my parents, and me inside. I finally woke up one day and just left. I moved in with a girlfriend and began to heal...going to counseling and talking with freinds and family. About 6 months later I met this wonderful guy while on vacation...he lived in FL and I lived in WI. We became great friends...he would come visit me and I would go visit him...my family just loved him, and I got along with his. After about a year of long distance I decided to make a change in my life and move to FL. I've been here for about 2 years now and it's just great. We've grown to love eachother dearly, have a wonderful home, steady jobs and are happy. Of course now living together we have found flaws in eachother, bicker once in a while etc... But now all of a sudden out of no where my family is freaking out on me saying "He's not the one for you", "you need to move back home" "he's controlling" when not too long ago they had nothing but great things to say about him. I avoid their phone calls now because all they do when they call is complain and cry and worry and nag...it's so stressful..and it's not fair to me or my boyfriend. They compare my past realtionship to the one I'm in now...and they are not even comparable. I just don't know what to do or say to them. It's driving me mad...does anyone have any advice please???!! I could sure use it.

Answer 1

Keep what they have told you in mind and look for signs that may point to them being right. Ask for examples of why they think these things - they may have just misinterpreted something that you have said. If you still think that they are wrong - just tell them. You were with the wrong guy before. You made a HUGE mistake and you will never put yourself through that again. But this guy is being good to you and you are very happy with him.

Ask your family to just be happy for you and be there when / if they need you. Tell them that you appreciate any help that they have given you in the past, but this is your life and you are going to live it the way that you choose. Tell them that you are glad they care, but when they call you and say those things - it just makes you feel bad and you know they don't want to make you feel sad like that.

After you explained that to them, tell them that you had plans for tonight, but you will call them back tomorrow. ... Give them a night to think about what you have said then call them back and ask how they're doing as if nothing has happened. See how things go from there.  

Answer 2

Gently remind them that your current boyfriend is not your old boyfriend.  Bring out his good points to them and all the nice things he does for you.  Like he made a nice dinner for the 2 of you or something like that.  Don`t say anything that can be blown out of proportion.  Such as we had an argument last night.  I know that can be hard to do.  Best of luck to you.  

Answer 3

As you've stated that you have matured and moved away, you may want to consider giving your family some space so that they can do the same.

Answer 4

IT sounds like your family is worried about him acting the way your ex did and hurting you.. maybe they liked him moe when they didnt see that you guys would last so long... they are just worried tat since things are more serious they see him as a threat.. try talking to them and letting them know that this is the guy and he wont hurt you like the other man did and you would like them to be more support of your relationship with him... Best of Luck

Answer 5

Answer one of those family calls and explain that your happy with him and that hes not at all like your past boyfriend. You may get angry with him sometime, but who doesn't? Maybe they just miss you and think that hes the one that made you move in with him. You have to make sure they understand you went to live with him because you wanted to and that you're doing just fine with him.

Answer 6

Write them a letter. Yes, a snail mail letter!  Email is impersonal and they can argue with you on the phone.  Tell them that you love them and appreciate they way they love you and have concern for you.  Tell them that you respect their opinions but, they need to do the same for you.  You learned a lot from the last guy and learned in counseling how to see the signs of abuse.  You love this guy and he treats you like a queen.  Also tell them that yes, he has flaws, who doesn't? A letter in your writing will say to them that you care about the situation.  You aren't trying to be a coward writing, it's just that you wanted to say it right.