I need some advise please.....?

Question

Is it a bad idea to marry somone you love, but both live in a different states, becasue of family and work?

i met a visiting professor few years a ago while i was in college. He thought for one semester and left to washinton DC for federal job, and often travels to brazil doing a reaserch. We love each other, but i can not leave californai--i have children and elderly parents, and he can not leave washignton DC. How can we mamage that? can you please advise. is it a good idea to marry somone out of state? we can only afford travel ticket about once a month. should we go for it? hearing many opnion will help a lot. i am 40 and he is 45.

Answer 1

    We have always heard before, long distance relationships certainly do not work.  It might seem somewhat exciting at first, especially to travel to see each other.  But over time, some trips might seem like a chore.  Or, the distance might seem to weigh both of you down.  

   A great part of relationships is closeness, affection, and human contact.  Can you actually feel complete, by only being close to someone you care about, once a month?   Also, ask yourself how long this traveling will last.  IF its only for a short while longer, until you can have a "normal" relationship, then go for it. But, if your current situation is a permanent one, I would think twice!  Is it TRULY worth it?   You could end up married and lonley, which is something no one would want you to go through.

Answer 2

This sounds like a tough situation. I am not married, but I am currently in a long standing relationship. I think the most important thing to consider is your own capabilities, knowing yourself and your own feelings. From what I have read about your relationship, you both are at a point of life where you have your own lives, family, homes, career, etc. You happened to meet and fell in love. That's great! However, it looks like you have a long distance relationship. Should you tie the knot?

Well, let's look at it this way. What is marriage to you and your significant other? It varies from people to people. To some, marriage is an important ritual because of your own background--whether it's religious, non-religious or moral/ethical reasons. Marriage is an intimate and legal commitment as well. So I guess the question is, would it make a difference to you if you were married with him or not? If you both feel you want to make it official because you love each other and other reasons, by all means I think you should get married. If you have doubts of any kind, maybe continuing the long-distance relationship without being married will be a good way to test yourself. If the thought of "long distance" is the ONLY reason keeping you from marrying the man you love, I think love outweighs even the farthest of distances.

That being said, I think the most important thing is what I said in the first paragraph. I do not know you personally so I cannot give you a personal answer. Do YOU think you will be able to handle this kind of long distance relationship, married or not? I'll admit, once a month to see each other is a bit rough. I personally am not sure if I would be able to do it. However, we're all different. While it's true, there are many difficult things in even maintaining a long distance relationship, I think if you CAN handle this kind of relationship, and you both love each other, and want to get married, then it is worth it to do so. Don't live your life with "what ifs" or regretting. You are both in a time of your lives where I'm sure you have a lot of experience in life, so you both would know what's best for your relationship.

I think you both will have to talk it over and see what you want out of your relationship. Many people will feel it is not a good idea to jeopardize getting married with a long-distance relationship because long-distance alone is tough. On the contrary, it's not impossible. You know yourself best, and if your love for this man can outweigh the even the greatest distances, (and he believes so, too), then by all means, there should be nothing to stop you. Perhaps tying the knot will create even a stronger bond in your relationship that may bring you two together.

I also think talking to your family and friends is important as well. They know how you are, and perhaps can help you sort out your own feelings as well. Maybe even talking to a professional may work as well. Anyway, to recap, I think you need to:

- Evaluate yourself

- Evaluate your relationship with this man

- Evaluate what marriage is to you, and if you want to marry this man

- Talk it over with him and make sure he shares the same feelings, views, etc.

- Perhaps talk to other loved ones for more opinions/suggestions, etc.

- If you have any doubts, maybe marriage isn't the correct solution. Maybe you need to take it slow and try the long-distance relationship for a longer period of time before making a commitment.

I hope I was able to shed some light. I wish you best of luck in your decision and relationship!

Answer 3

Love has no distance to great that it can not overcome and in time your kids will be out of the house and the work and restrictiion will be off time is on your side and if it truly is true love then you have no options yes you should and i think you already know that in your heart be patient time is yet what it is and you may never love a person like this one do you know what i mean ?

Answer 4

I think you should take a writing class.

Answer 5

I am sorry, but I honestly don't think that marriage would work here, however, maybe you could have a civil ceremony where you declare your feelings for each other, or alternatively swap commitment rings, similar to those used by the silver ring society.

Also, the money saved from the ceremony would be far better used in visiting each other than a wedding ceremony. The commitment rings will show how you feel about each other, until you can truly be close together on a more permanent basis.

Mike t.