I need some good advice since I don’t know what to do. For over a year now my mother (and pretty much my entire family) has been pressuring me to marry my mother’s godson. They all believe his circumstances in life make him the perfect choice for me. He doesn’t have any family, lacks a good education, and works 2 low income jobs. Since his arrival t America a year ago, he has become very dependent on my family to help him out (he has no other family but his mother who turned her back on him at the request of her new husband).
I’m very conflicted as to what to do. On one hand, he’s a nice guy who will no doubt be very respectful of me. On the other hand, there are so many things that make me hesitant to marry him. First, I’m a 22 year old female whose fed up with her family (specifically her domineering mother) telling her what to do. Growing up, I never had a social life since my mother felt it was a waste of time and my mother actually chose my college major for me. I now have a job I hate and am bored with my life. What I want is sometime to myself—to have a social life, to find out the job I really want, and just learn about myself instead of letting my family dictate who I am. I’m also saving up some money to try and find a place of my own.
But this guy has a great deal of respect for my family since he views us as very educated and well off financially. He listens and heeds every bit of advice they give him. Additionally, if we were to marry, we’d most likely live in my parent’s second floor apartment—very close to them. I highly doubt he’d consider moving away since, well, logically we’d save more money living rent free in my parents home (for the record, we live in NYC where rent can be pretty high). So basically, marrying him is guarantees that they’ll still be in control of my life.
Secondly, this guy is very traditionally. From the moment we marry, he’ll want to start working on having a family, which means I won’t have time to figure out my life for myself. And trust me, saying no isn’t an option since the moment I do, my family will get involved and take his side.
Third, I look at my cousin and think to myself that I’d like to have what she has. Her fiancée is madly in love with her and her with him. The guy my mother wants me to marry doesn’t not feel that way about me. He likes that I’m sure of but he’s more interested in me because he believes his life will be a lot easier with me. I’ve tried to explain to my mother that I want someone who loves me the way my cousin’s fiancée does but my mother tells me that will never happen for me.
Currently, the guy has been dating another female and is thinking of marry her but he wants me to make my decision first. I’m not too sure what to do. Despite all of the reasons I’ve stated above, I’m very fearful that I will not be able to find someone who’ll treat me as good as he does. So here’s my question: if you were to find someone who treated you very well, would you marry them even though you have doubts or would you take the risk of ending up alone or someone who doesn’t treat you as well?
Tags: