I need some help I am so scared right now.?

Question

So I'm pregnant, I'm 16 just turned, and my ex-boyfriend just turned 19. We went out for 3 years, and well I was not that educated on s*x and we had it for the first time, only because he told me I couldn't get pregnant, and now I am and he says that I need an abortion. I just can't do that, I am so scared/stressed. My mom died 2 years ago, and I have already told my dad....but I am just so worried. I am worried about everything, I mean my dad is a college grad and has a great job to support us, but what if I s***w up his/her life. What if I am not a good mother? I have all these questions arising in my head...I need some guidence, I'm still a kid, I want to keep my baby but will that be the wrong thing? I can't abort, and I don't know about adoption...I need some insight/guidence from adults.

Answer 1

this is one of those situations where there is no "right" answer - this is where you make a decision then stick to it.

option 1: keep your baby - it'll be hard, no question.  i'm guessin your dad hasn't objected to that option so you're very lucky there.  you're not going to "s***w up his life" - his life will change, as will yours.  that's what happens.   your ex will also have to pay child support and he can count himself lucky he doesn't get slapped with rape (since obtaining s*x by use of false statements or coercion is as much rape as being physically assaultive).

option 2:  adoption, i'm not fond of.  to me, that's avoiding responsibility - it's having the baby then shoving it off on someone else to look after.  i know a few adopted ppl and even teh two that were adopted into richy-richy families are bloody miserable.

option 3:  abortion - why have you ruled it out?  it's a valid option and there is no blame to it - i've had four because one was at an incredibly bad time in my life and the other three were non-viable babies that, for some reason, didn't miscarry like they should have.   i have no regrets because i know i did the right thing (i also have three daughters: 22yrs, 19yrs, and 16mo).

Answer 2

First calm down. You're not doing either one of you any good stressing like this. Ok, here it is. I am adopted, I have known since I was old enough to say the word and although I am very thankfull, it is also very very hard. Everyday I wonder who do I look like, what side did I get this or that from. Honey, you will do fine. You are not the only one to worry about making mistakes. You will. Trust me. But you learn from them and you grow. So long as you love your baby, show this baby love and have support you should do fine. Depend on your dad for guidence to. He did after all raise you. Don't forget you have an angel watching over you. Your mom. With the help of your family you should be fine. Give yourself and this baby a chance. I promise you one look at this baby, and the love you will feel is like nothing you have ever felt before.  Good Luck. Best wishes to all of you.

Answer 3

Ok, first things first, stop stressing.  It isn't good for you or the baby.  You just need to set up a plan and make sure to make it work.

First of all, get a job after the baby is born.  You can go to school, raise a child and have a job.  My sister has been doing it for over a year now (she's about your age).  And if she can manage it, so can you.

If you want to go the adoption route it is up to you, but you may regret it later.  Not that I don't think adoption is great, I really do.  But if you are iffy on it now you will be later when it's too late.

If you try your best to make this child's life good then you won't s***w it up.  Having a teen mother isn't the end of the world.  I personally know a couple of teen moms that are better mothers than some adults.  Don't condemn yourself automatically because you're still so young.

It's good that you recognize that you might fail, but it's not good to emphasize it.  Everyone is capable of failure, but trying your best isn't failing.  You need to go into this with the attitude that you will try your hardest to give a good life to this child and that you will succeed.  

The only person that can decide all of these things though is you.  If you want to keep the child then I think you should because giving it up may make you feel worse in the end.  But don't assume that you will be a bad mother and influence on this child.  The fact that you're worried about this means that you don't want it to happen.  That is saying something.  

Take care of yourself, don't listen to your boyfriend (because frankly it's obvious that he's a liar or he wouldn't have told you that you couldn't get pregnant) and be brave.  

Good luck sweetie and if you ever need to talk shoot me a message, I'd be glad to help you out if I can.

Answer 4

Well, first, I want to say that I am so proud of you for being so mature for your age. You sound very sensible/level headed and want to applaud you for your decision. EVERY parent who is a loving, good parent worries like you are...

In terms of keeping the baby, if you know for sure you have your dad's support, that is vital. However, what about when you are an adult and need to move out on your own, realisitically that is something you have to keep in mind. And what about the baby's dad, where is he in this whole picture? He will have to pay child support even if he doesn't want you to keep the baby...

In terms of adoption, my grandmother got pregnant well over 50 years ago and wasn't married. She gave my aunt up for adoption and will be the first to tell you how painful it was, but it was the right decision. You can choose to do a private adoption and choose the family you feel is right for your baby, which will give not only a couple who possibly can't have their own child a chance at having a family, but will also give your baby a nuclear family which is truthfully, the best thing for a baby.

Overall, this is a HARD choice, but one you'll have to start considering seriously. No matter what you choose, it will be the right choice.

Good luck and know that if you do keep your baby, it will probably be the best most rewarding thing you will ever do.

PS-My husband and I had our first when I was 19, I got pregnant at 18... I'm 23 now and we're expecting our fourth and it's been a wonderful experience... :)

Answer 5

Being a teenager or being married when you have your first baby has just as much potential to s***w up a child's life.  You can and will most likely be a good mother.  You know you made a mistake but you are wanting to take responsibility for your actions.  That's good.  If your heart tells you to keep that baby and you have your family's support, then by all means keep your baby and raise him or her.  I do thank you for choosing life for your baby.  I believe all unborn babies deserve a chance to live.  

If your ex-boyfriend is telling you to abort the baby you know where his prioroties lie....he's number one and that's all he cares about.  Don't even worry about him.  Do what you feel is right in your heart.  You will make a good mother.  I know this because already instinctively you are thinking about what is in the best interest of the baby.  Talk to your Dad and  go from there.  I wish you the best.

Answer 6

first of all sorry for the loss of your mom im sure you wish you could be running to her for these answers instead of a group of strangers. my best advice for you is do some real sole searching these next few months. as long as you can love this baby you can make it work. you can do what it takes especially if you have the support from your dad. there is soooo much information on the internet on parenting you can educate yourself these next nine months to help prepare you. although all of this stress will not be good for the baby, you are still young and have alot of life to live....so honey if you think that your child might be better off with someone else that is a huge decsicion but there are SOO many loving couples out there that cant have children and they can provide for this child, but it is such a personal decision i wouldnt want to sway you in any way. talk to your dad he is probably stressed and confused as you are and maybe a sit down adult conversation would be good for the both of you. if you decide to keep the baby the baby and you will be growing up together and thats not necisarily a bad thing its just are you ready to grow up? oh honey i really dont envy your position but you will do whats right im sure,,,,,if you need to talk email me any time ok. i will keep u in my prayers. please dont take this decision lightly.

Answer 7

try not to be stressed. if your dad is willing to help you should let him. you should also try to get a job so you can help out too. if you have any doubts you can always chose adoption. i think you will be fine. there are a lot of teenage mothers out there. just keep your head up girl... everything happens for a reason.

Answer 8

First of all, the fact that you are so concerned about giving this child an amazing life and that you are questioning everything proves that you already love this child and want to take care of it.  So, you won't abort.  I view that as a good thing.  Now, you need to do your research.  YOU and only YOU need to decide whether you want to raise this child on your own, or give this child to someone who can't have kids of their own.  Call an adoption agency AND a teen mom support group.  Talk to as many people who have given their child up for adoption AND those who kept their baby as you can.  Get informed and then decide.  I will tell you that raising a child is very hard financially and emotionally.  It is the most stressful job I have had and the most rewarding job I have had.  Do your research.  Think with a clear head.  And do what is right for you and your baby.  Good luck sweetie!!

Answer 9

Take it easy. Your keeping your baby that's what a great mom would do. You need to find a support system. Google local support groups. Its going to be hard, but life isn't easy. Love and patience will go along way.