I need some helpful suggestions on how to deal with a 21year old daughter who

Question

thinks I am a free babysitter and a wallet for her.I say no and I get,"what good are you" thrown back at me.1.She doesn't pay me back

when she says she will,comes up with excuses.2.Blows her money than expects to borrow from me and everybody else.I don't have 1/2 as much money as she gets and more bills to pay.Then she will use "I need baby formula" of which I will help with but she spends all her money first then lays the guilt of the children on me.Won't get an apartment of her own and is driving me crazy.

Please give me some Helpful suggestions and NO condemnations,I get enough from her.

Answer 1

Are you sure this is your daughter and not mine??

This is how I have handled this exact situation...I quit giving her money.   If the baby needs formula, well bring her over I have some.. She will never learn the value of money if it is always free.  Yes I'll baby sit I'll give anything but MONEY..Close down the bank and see if she will move out to find more fertile grounds to mooch money.." mine did"..But I still wont give her money, she like your daughter needs to learn how to budjet and provide for themselves.  This might sound cruel to you but life just is not a free ride.

Good luck and be prepaired for a storm from her when the bank closes.

Answer 2

when she says that she needs money for baby formula then buy the baby formula, don't give her the money for it.

this is a ticklish situation because if she is this unbalanced then you may be the only stability in the child's life.  If she can't be declared unfit and you can't get custody of the child then she will continue to use the child as a way to emotionally blackmail you.

you have to decide how much of this you can afford and how much of this you can take.

it might be time to have a "come to Jesus meeting" and lay down the rules of the house.  If she is going to behave like a dependent minor child and not contribute to the household expenses then she gets rules and curfews like a child.  If she wants to be treated and respected like an adult then you have to tell her what your expectations are.  She'll either get so disgusted with you that she'll leave on her own.

develop a back bone. no more money to her.  if she needs it for the children then buy what they children need DO NOT GIVE HER THE MONEY.

Good luck with this, it's not going to be easy.  She knows how to play you for her benefit.

Answer 3

you should be open and honest with her...Honesy is the best policy

Answer 4

It sounds like you need to communicate better with her.  These tips are meant for teens, but it sounds like with the maturity level of your daughter they could work for you.  

Answer 5

Sounds like she needs a job....

Answer 6

just  tell here

Answer 7

The reason you're treated so badly is because you never stand up for yourself; you're cast in the role of the victim mother and only you can break that pattern. Remember the saying "No one can take advantage of you without your permission" stop giving her permission to take advantage of you! Stand up to her, kick her out of the house; she's TWENTY ONE years old; I've been working since I was 16 years old and I'm sixty now!

She's an abuser and you are an enabler, you enable her to abuse you and take terrible advantage of you and bully you; what HAPPENED to you that you think so little of yourself??? Where's your backbone and your self esteem??? KICK HER OUT for BOTH your sakes.

Answer 8

It is time for her to be on her on,if she can not care for the children then either you take them or the father.Do not let her put the guilt trip on you that is what she knows will get to you.set a time limit for her to move out and stay with it,good luck to you.

Answer 9

Do what I do when my mom throws guilt trips on me, don’t respond. She acts the way she does because up till now, you’ve taught her that’s how to get results. You can’t do what you’ve always done and expect to have a different result. You have to be the one to change because she never will if not given a reason.  

Answer 10

I say be the mom, tell her no and kick her happy *** to the curb... honestly it's looking like a bit of tough love is needed for her. I am not trying to condemn you or anything... but seriously she needs some hard life lessons right now, as it just looks like she is refusing to grow up... not letting her starve is one thing but giving up your hard earned money to buy things that she can easily afford is another.

Change the locks on her too and don't let her in. She needs to learn how to be an adult, ESPECIALLY if she is a mother herself... all she is doing is depending on you and that in turn will hurt your grandbaby.

Don't give her what she expects and be hard on her....  

Answer 11

i no u love her but if she wont listen......kick her out!!!

Answer 12

You may love her, but it might be time to kick her out. And with the money issues, borrow from her. And put her in your place with the guilt, she'll sooner or later learn how much it effects you and her both.

Good luck! =]