I need some honest marriage advice?

Question

I met my wife April last year, we got on really well, I proposed to her in June, we were married by September and had a baby this April.

Now here is the issue, I was brought up an atheist, and my wife a seventh day adventist, since we got married she has started saying stuff like you cant see your friends without me, you cant drink alcohol, you mustnt eat pork, you have to believe in god, and not to watch tv, this is all totally unreasonable to me, and I cant live like this, what does anyone else think, and what would you do?

Answer 1

In marriage we all compromise. I do not think anyone should be forced to change how they believe just for the sake of the other person. That would be hypocritical. I do think you should try for her sake to see & understand how she believes, and she should try to understand why you believe as you do. She fell in love with who you were last year and unless you've changed that is who you still are and vise verso.

Ask her why she now suddenly wants to change you?  Maybe you could compromise on taking her with you if you visit friends? Or maybe not drink around her if that offends her. If you love pork you may have to tell her that is a favorite food and not ask her to cook it for you if it goes against her beliefs. As for TV maybe try limiting the amount of time you watch instead of giving it up completely.

Tell her you are willing to compromise but she has to also, it isn't fair for her to expect you to change overnight and if you aren't asking her to change then she needs to have some respect for you and allow you to keep some things and maybe she could compromise too on some issues.

Answer 2

first you have to very diffrent religions and this should have been discussed way before the proposal.honstley your marriage is not going to work she believes in god and you dont (huge conflict)

Answer 3

Man ,you should have seen this coming for a long time.Of course you can't change you life for something you don't believe in.You had better start telling her that you can't do this for the rest of your life.Just live your life the way you want to and if she doesn't exept it then go on with your life with someone else. This is a matter of you changing or her changing so if not then one has to go.

Answer 4

Wow.She can't make you change completely.She can continue doing her church duties,etc I don't believe in not watching tv and god said you can drink just not get drunk.She sounds like she is in a cult like church ?You are gonna have to talk to her.My cousin is like that and her husband runs the street,drink,etc he just told her that she knew how he was before they got married,and that he would go to church sometimes with her.But he is not gonna change and be miserable.So it's up to you on how you want to be happy.

Answer 5

You married way too fast.  You should have found all of this out prior to getting married.  However, I must say this.  Your child needs to have a foundation about God only because children believe in concrete things.  God is percieved as concrete to children as that is their only reason they see as children to believe that good conquers evil.

Answer 6

Tell her that she knew what you were like when she married you. Tell her you love her to bits and respect her religious views, but she also has to respect yours. You don't intend to follow her religion and this is non-negotiable and not open for further discussion. In other ords, tell her exactly how you feel and what you want.

However, I forsee major battles on the way she brings up your children.  

Answer 7

I think you two really rushed this marriage thing way too fast. You barely had any time to find out the true person in each other and now getting married and an instant family,youre really finding out that the two of you werent meant for each other and are worlds apart in your beliefs., unfortunately.  This will never work out and will only get worse with time as you cant live within her religious upbringing. Admit a huge mistake, seek a divorce, pay support for your child,remain in the child life the best you can, but move on

Answer 8

You have to lay it out for her...

You are entitled to your own beliefs and lifestyle, and if she can't live with it, she is free to leave.

Answer 9

Hey,

I am sorry that you are in such a situation.

First off, she is forcing her beliefs onto you, and that is not cool.

Secondly, her beliefs are actually false, twisted teachings, misinterpreted from the Bible.

I am not sure what a Seventh Day Adventist is. However, I urge you to be careful as there are many denominations in Christianity and some are cults.

I suggest that you find a time where you and her are not stressed out about work and any other factors, and talk to her. Sit down and have a chat with her and tell her to bring her Bible along. Ask her to refer her beliefs in the Bible. Tell her to proof her beliefs by showing you that it is stated in the Bible. The thing is, how can drinking alcohol, tea and coffee be an abomination in the eyes of God? Even Jesus drank wine as stated in the Bible. Just flip to any of the four gospels. Have a scan through the Chapters. I am not sure about Christians not allowing to eat pork. It sounds like that is what Muslims do, honestly and frankly speaking.

I understand how difficult it is for you to continue in such a situation. If things get really out of hand, how about you talk to the church's pastor? Or maybe talk to another pastor from another church?

I know that you are not a Christian but you could try calling this number: 1-800-NEW-LIFE

Here is their website: www.newlife.com

Good luck and take care.

I am 15 by the way but that doesn't mean I can't help in any ways. If you need more resources, feel free to email me. I'd like to help you out until there is no more I can do. It wouldn't be cool to allow a marriage to slip off just like that.  

Answer 10

It is unreasonable of her. Shew knew who you were before you married her. Did you two decide that once married you would change everything about you to the way she wants?  If not, she's being unreasonable.

Answer 11

You really should have waited to get married to this girl. The you would have seen what she is really all about. She is not going to change her beliefs. Ever!

I would consider divorce. Life is too short to be stuck in a marriage that will never change.

Answer 12

This is why the divorce rate is so high, people do not choose their partners wisely.  

Here is what I would do.  I would tell her "honey i love you, but I need guy time.  If you love me and respect me I would return the same favor."

Parking your car in the garage doesn't make it a good car.  Going to church doesn't make you a good person.  I know a lot of ******* that go to church.  Take care of your problem now before it gets out of hand.

Answer 13

This should have been discussed before marriage. If she is changing how you acted during dating, she is very, very wrong!