I need some ideas, suggestions ? Am I being Fair?

Question

Am I being Fair? I have a 3 year old who I am desperately trying to potty train so I have offered him Chocolate each time he goes Potty. 1 lil piece of Chocolate if he pees' and 2 lil pieces of Chocolate if he goes poopy.

So, now my question is....I babysit a 5 year old lil girl sometimes and she wants a piece of candy too. I have told her that she is already potty trained and I am trying to teach my son to use the potty like a big boy and by him getting the candy is suposse 2be special 4 him.

Now if I give her candy or something to that effect too then I am not doing anything special for my son &he wont see the potty training thing as anything he wants to do if she gets something too.When Hes the one going potty & not her. Am I wrong?What should I do?

The mom said that her lil girl feels treated unfairly &she isn't trying 2have my son &her kid compete but she wants me 2go &buy her kid sweettarts or something so that when I give my son his chocolate reward her kid gets 1 too??

Answer 1

When I potty trained a room full of 2 year olds we did lots of different things.  They got treats when they went, if they made it the whole day they got something (not necessarily food) to take home with them.  We also had potty chart with smileys for each hour they were dry, even if they didn't go the bathroom.  Granted it was easier with all of them potty training at once, but there are other things you can do besides reward with food, that the other children may not want.

As to fairness, would you reward both children if one child for cleaned up his/her toys and the other did not?  Of course not, Why not reward the older child when they do go the bathroom though?  Chances are an older child is not going to take advantage of this by running to the bathroom constantly, they would miss too much of the fun.  The older child can set a good example for the younger child and just like they want to do everything the older children do, they will probably want to go the bathroom to get a treat like th older child.  Might as well give it a shot.  But I would defnintely not reward the older child just because you are rewarding the younger, that teaches them nothing.

Answer 2

I understand that you are trying to get your son potty trained but there's no problem in letting the others join in with the party with him when he goes.  If the parents of the little girl are OK with her getting candy throughout the day then don't worry about it.  When your son goes potty, make a big deal about it and simply say that you're all so proud of him, including the little girl and give her a piece of chocolate too ( I would stick to the same type of candy otherwise you will end up with a different kind of battle).

If you can, gradually change from chocolate to something else like a sticker chart and explain to him (when he's alone) that once the chart is full, he can get a new toy.

You can easily have a chart for the little girl also but there's no obligation to buy her anything.

Answer 3

Try to keep track of him going to the potty, then at the end of the week bring him to the store, and have him pick out a candy.

Answer 4

how about doing a sticker chart for when your son uses the potty? draw it up yourself and when he reaches a certain level, buy him a small treat or prezzie and then for the little girl you look after, you could do another chart for a different purpose - such as when she is good or does something to help you.

Answer 5

maybe you should buy something else rather than chocolate for the little girl. then, you can keep on giving chocolate to your little boy, so that he still thinks chocolate is special.

another scenario: you could just encourage and give props to your kid for doing well and going potty. you dont have to give him chocolate every time. just make him feel good, and let him know that you are very proud of him every time he goes potty. That way, he will feel that he has done something good, and he will want to do it again. talk to him and let him know that he is already big for using diapers, and tell him the advantages of being potty trained.

Answer 6

When I was young my father did something similar.  I can't remember what it was for but my little sister did something special and she got candy.  I didn't do it and I didn't get any.

He asked me if I understood why and I said yes.  The truth was I didn't understand.  It really hurt my feelings.

The five year old is too young to understand what is going on.

A five year old may seem like they are old enough to understand.  I have taken several child development courses in college.  A five year old simply does not have the cognitive capcity to understand the difference.

She needs to feel special too.

A couple of suggestions:

1. Give your boy chocolate in private (and he eats it in private)

2. Give the little girl something special besides chocolate if she performs some act (maybe even same as your son)

Also keep in mind, you are a babysitter.  If mom is telling you the girl feels sad then you should listen to mom.  If mom gets mad that might be the end of your job.

Hope this helps!

Answer 7

You have discovered the downside of bribery. If you are going to give the girl candy too follow the same guidelines, she has to show you she went #1 or #2. I bet she gets tired of it real quick.

Answer 8

you're not beinf unfair, mothers like us wants the best for our kids. why not try teaching your son also to share his chocolates everytime he gets his prize.  he will learn potty and sharing all at the same time :)

Answer 9

I also struggled with this. My son is 3 and still in the potty training process. I run a small home daycare, and along with those children, and my own little ones, there are 5 here all watching my son get an M & M.

I do tell them it is special for my son, and I remind them that when they were potty training, they also got M & Ms, and I talk about what else they were given. I include them in the whole clapping party for my son, and occasionally - but not every time, will give them a candy too.

At 5, this little girl should understand that....mine are all younger than that.

Ideally, the whole candy episode doesn't last long...we did it for two weeks, then my son was spontaneously using the potty for #1...it's been more than a month with no success for #2...but I keep encouraging him, and I know one day he'll surprise me :o)

We also moved away from candy to stickers, and I did share one sticker a day with the other kids...now my son gets nothing, except verbal praise.

You don't have to buy anything for the other child...it is your home, and your son...if her mom really thinks her child should be rewarded for something your son does, then ask the mom to provide the reward.

Chin up, sweetie...it won't last long. :o)

Answer 10

I do not think food should ever be a reward for anything.  The problem with obesity today is that adults reward themselves and children with food when it is not appropriate.  I think the sticker and chart idea makes more sense and then you can have a reason for the other child to earn a sticker.  It is very difficult for children of this age to understand why one child gets something and they do not.  Your son should do just as well with your encouragement and seeing you be so happy when he accomplishes something.  I do think you are wrong to give your child candy in front of the other child.  Think of it if it was the other way around and your child had to watch another child eat candy in front of him.  He could care less that the other child is doing something special.  Young children are egotistical and do not understand the concept you think the little girl should understand.  Be fair and be consistent.