I need some jokes.. funny rude anything?

Question

me and my boyfriend like telling each other jokes and i don't have any more good ones so keep them coming folks!! thanks

Answer 1

Why did the light turn red at the intersection?

You would turn red if you were changing in an intersection too!!

haha Im lame :]

What kinda bee's make milk?

Boo-bees

Answer 2

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

joke2

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"

joke3

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.

So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........

Just when the! clock struck 11...

and then......

Scroll down.....

Scroll down........

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner

Answer 3

Okay, so there are three men stranded on a desert island who have been captured by cannibals.

The cannibals give the men two tasks - if they succeed they will not get eaten.

The first is to go into the forest and collect ten pieces of fruit.

The first man goes and comes back with ten apples.

The cannibals tell him that the second task is to stuff them up his bum without changing his expression.

The man puts one up, but after the second one screams out in pain.

The cannibals eat him.

The second man comes back with ten berries.

He stuffs eight up then screams out laughing.

The cannibals eat him.

The first and second meet in heaven.

The first man says "Why did you laugh? You could have survived!"

The second man says "I couldn't help it! I saw the third man coming back with pineapples!"

Well it made me laugh! :)

Answer 4

You're surrounded by jokes, and you can't find any, tsk, tsk, :-

The Englishman, The Irishman, The Scotsman and The Welshman were in a pub together drinking beer when a fly fell into each of The four glasses. The Englishman threw his beer away. The Irishman picked out The fly and drank The beer. The Welshman threw away his beer but ate The fly. The Scotsman drank his beer but sold his fly to The Welshman.

Answer 5

There is a good collection on the link below...

No dirty ones though I don't think, but very funny.

Answer 6

Harry's girlfriend wanted him to take her somewhere expensive for her birthday--so he dropped her off at the gas station--

That one cracks me up! --Hope your boyfriend likes it too! : ]