I need some kind of closure, wouldn't you want some too?

Question

i recently had someone extremely close to me die at a hospital after having surgery. It was completely unexpected and it seemed like no one could beleive he had died after he had been recovering so well

so this person passed and i was there when a doctor had told me out of the blue that this person had died, (even though I heard a "code blue" in the icu, never thought it was for him though)

the doctor didn't say much at all which made me very confused and everything was so strange and felt worse.

i finally found out what this person officially died from with a death certificate but i never got to see this person in their last hours alive.

i thought they might have told me how he was, if he told them anything, if he died painfully or not, so much..

by the way, this hospital is pretty well known and the doctors are "the best" (yeah right) and in this case im sure they would have zero time to answer any questions, let alone remember what happened a few weeks ago

advice?????

Answer 1

Death is one of those things that can be hard to deal with even when you know that it is going to happen.  It depends on where you are in life as to how well you are able to cope with it.  Religion, or the lack thereof, plays a large part in how well we understand what has happened.  You may find comfort in not know whether they died painfully or not as this is not really important.  It depends on what the surgery was for and how long they had been in the ICU.  If this was something that they had been dealing with for quite some time and the outcome was not a sure thing or if this was something that happened all of a sudden.  You need to remember this person for what they were in the good times and it may help to imagine that they have left to go on a long trip and that you will see them again after a long absence.  Each person deals with grief differently and you need to find what works for you.  The important thing is to not dwell on the moment but remember them for who they were.

Answer 2

What closure are you wanting?  You might not even know.  If you want to know if he went peacefully or not, it tells you on the death cert.  Most likely it said cardiac arrest or resp arrest, meaning that he slipped unconscious then passed away.  The best bet would be to get the actual dictation the doctor did on the patient, but getting the chart without being a family member is going to be impossible.

Answer 3

Death is only another stage in our progression.

It is a thing we will all go through.

We have the chance to meet again on the other side.

So it is just a temporary parting.

You will see your friend again.

Answer 4

I don't understand..would you have closure if the doctor told you that the person died in extreme discomfort??  How can that possibly be something you need to know to give you closure. Closure is something that has a reason. The reason was stated on the death certificate. I'm sorry for your loss..