I need some managerial advice about confrontations?

Question

I've found that when I have to confront an employee at work and reprimand him or her, I find myself shaking a little bit (not noticeably). I have no problem standing up for myself, but I instinctively feel weak-kneed, and I hate that feeling. I want to be as strong as my convictions.

At 6'2 and 215, I've never had a problem using my presence to my advantage. But still, I find that when I'm defending myself verbally, I'm not as stoic or even-keeled as I'd like to be. Funny thing is, when push comes to shove outside of work (literally, even), I reach a point where I'm pushed too far and I stand up for myself like crazy.

But with work confrontations, it's like I get nervous or something. How can I get rid of these jitters? Are there any methods I should adopt or tips I should follow? Have any books I can read about being a more effective conversationalist/manager?

Thanks!

Answer 1

I hate to give you this answer, but practice.  

I had the same type of issues.  I'm not really a controversial type of person, I like to avoid conflict.  But when it came time to be manager, I had to step up when the time called for it.  

Honestly I've been doing this for 3 years now and I have no problems with things I used to do.  Such as reprimanding an employee, handling a dispute, or giving a presentation to employees, banks, or clients.  

Really it just comes to down to confidence.  I've found that if I am prepared of the situation, I am a lot more confident when handling it.  I know an outline of things that are going to happen and I go in, knowing that I'm going to handle it fine.  

Also one big thing I learned a long time ago, is emotion fuels emotion.  So if you are doing something, that is going to upset an employee, do it with a calm presence.  They may get upset still, but as long as you don't join them by changing your emotion, they come down a lot faster.

Good luck!  Confidence!  And just more experience!

Answer 2

As a manager, you should be professional at all times. If you allow yourself to being in the position of standing up for yourself like crazy and getting the jitters, then your employees are getting the best of you. As a leader, you must be in control of not only the situation, but also yourself at all times at work. Size and weight don't matter when you are able to effectively communicate in a professional manner with your employees and deal with them without getting upset and emotional. If you feel you're getting upset, breathe and count to 10. If they get the best of you, they win. If you're a true professional, no matter what, you Win.

Make it a learning experience and try something differrent and see what works. Maybe a different tone, working towards better relationships with your employees and being more focused will help you be a better leader.