I need some marriage advice from only those that are married please...?

Question

I have only been married for about a month and my husband has turned into a completely different person, I feel like I don't know him. I'm questioning now whether we should have gotten married as soon as we did. He is now starting to be aggressive and shows no care for me at all when I do try to resolve issues. I feel lost and I'm trying so hard to think positive and know maybe he's just adjusting to all this but I don't know what to do. We got into it last night and I needed some time to get away from the arguing and as I tried to leave he hit my hands trying to knock the keys out of them. I've never known him to be like this and am so confused as to what to do now. Any help???

Answer 1

What can you do?  Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a single mother?  Better stick to the beast you know.

Answer 2

Find the nearest door & leave! You have no other choice,& being pregnant is no reason to stay.It just presents more for you to deal with. I give you8 credit for asking for help,But hope you'll love yourself & your baby,to leave NOW. Pack your valuables when he's not home,& LEAVE. You must have family or friends that will help you get into a better situation,& if not,there are women's shelters for women in this position,if there are no other options for you.Don't be fooled into thinking that he will change back into a good guy.It will only be temporary. I have a cousin that has turned her back on the entire family because her husband is abusive & doesn't allow she or their two children to ever do anything without him. She's a prisoner & won't get help...Please help yourself NOW. BOL to you.

Answer 3

Dangerous situation....Your baby is first.  Stressing and all of that craziness is harming the baby.  He needs to get his *** whopped.  Any physical contact is abuse.  You didn't marry your man, you married a controller.  I have been married for 1 1/2 years and he has a son.  I have been through it, going through it and trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.  But not one day has my husband ever hit me.  And his son tried it once and will never do it again; trust this.  Put your foot down early in relationships and they will never harm you again. Actually any REAL man wouldn't put his hands on a woman in the first place.  Take a break from this marriage and go to Mom's house or something.....have your baby then deal with him.

Answer 4

Some people, (men and women) think that the marriage license is a title and that they own their spouse like a peice of property and do as they want with this person,,   They forget why they wanted to marry this person  So it takes a little memory boost to remind them that you have GIVEN your heart to them   they do not OWN your heart and they do not own you body and soul,, you are still an indiviual   If this memory boost has to be as drastic as divorce then go for it

Answer 5

You need to sit down and talk with him about what you are feeling and experiencing.  Obviously, hopefully, you love him and would put up with a lot, but there has to be a line that he cannot cross.  Probably he is feeling overwhelmed with all of the changes in his life in such a short time (marriage, responsibility, upcoming child, more responsibility, etc.) and he is being selfish thinking only of himself.  Suggest counseling if need be, but my guess is he will come through for you and snap out of this once he realizes how much it upsets you.

Answer 6

I am so sorry, but you cannot allow any man to get away with physically abusing you. A slap of your hands today to stop you from leaving will be a slap to the face soon, and after that a punch. You are pregnant and yet he still struck you. Don't fool yourself into thinking that his actions proves he loves you. Sure he loves you. All abusers love their spouses or girlfriends. They are usually very sorry after they do it, but they do it again because they have anger control issues and do not know how to properly deal with stress. Physical abuse escalates quickly, and you need to think of not only yourself, but your child.

If you stay because you have low self esteem, and think his actions prove anything to you about his love you are setting your child up to either become an abuser or be abused when s/he grows up. Children learn what they see, and their most powerful teachers are their parents.

It sounds like your new husband is extremely upset over his impending fatherhood and he may resent the child and having to get married. He may not be ready for this and so is acting out his resentments. He may want you but not the child. He may be confused and not know what it is he wants, but you do not have the time to figure this out now. You must protect yourself and your child, period.

If you do stay here is some information on fair fighting:

http://marriage.about.com/cs/conflictand...

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/2...

There is other information too about marriage. You can also use Google or your favorite search engine to find a wealth of information on marriage and child rearing.

Good luck and please see to your and your child's safety before anything else. This is your most important decision right now that will have a profound good or bad impact upon your and your child's future. It takes more than love to make a marriage work or be a parent. Sometimes you have to make the hard decisions and then once past the pain and grief you will feel so much better, rather than endure years more of this treatment and injure your child's development while staying in an abusive relationship.

Answer 7

Even slapping you hands is called abuse or abusive behavior. my advice is to seek help from a clergy or professional.

try to talk to your husband , if you cant , then get out fast before he hurts you in a more deadly way. sorry this is so to the point , but you can not stay in a relationship that is potentially dangerous.

hope this helps  

Answer 8

Ah, you are now a statistic.  Congrats on being the winner in the "My man's an abusive, controlling, prick" contest.  You probably won't do anything about it, after all the statistic seem to prove that women are freaking retarded when it comes to abusive relationships but I'll give you my answer:

LEAVE & DON'T LOOK BACK. Regardless of what he promises you, says etc. DON'T return to this man (get a divorce / annulment).  Go to a woman's shelter, move in with your parents, siblings or friends..just get the h**l out of it permanetly.

People like your husband can disguise his behavior for a SHORT TIME but it is just that, a disguise.  That behavior RARELY changes, even with a therapist, pastor etc. talking to him.  DON'T listen to the retards telling you to "sit down and talk to your husband".  Never give ANYONE a second chance at killing you and your child..don't be a dumb ***.

Answer 9

Did you ever try to talk to him? if yes and still didn't listen to you maybe its time for you guys to get help, go get some counseling. It will help your relationship to each other and also you will feel much more better because of you telling to him all the things that hurt you. It doesn't matter if your newly married or not what is important is you try to work this relationship. Remember your pregnant and dealing with this kind of situation will affect the baby.

And most of all don't forget to pray it help you. Good luck hope everything will work well.

Answer 10

I was in your shoes 10 years ago. I started to out with this guy who cooked, cleaned, was funny, put me on a pedistal etc. After 2 years, I became pregnant. He didn't want this pregnancy due to him already having 2 other children.

He started to abuse me while I was pregnant. I almost lost our daughter due to one of his assaults. My Dr. called the Police & he was arrested for assault. Like an idiot I dropped the charges because he cried for the 1st time infront of me, & promised he would never do it again.

Well, he did over & over, even after the birth. I left his *** when our daughter was 6 months old, I also had at the  time a 5 year old son too (from another relationship, to which the guy I was with was verbally abusive to). Not only was his abusing me becoming worse, he started cheating on me.

I know 1st hand how hard this decision was for me, & I know it will be for you but you HAVE TO LEAVE HIM NOW. It doesn't get better, the promises that he'll change will get more frequent & affectionate, but it'll never happen.

When I left his women beating, cheating ***, it was hard but as time went by it got a lot easier. Not only do you owe it to yourself, but you owe it to your un-born child. The best thing that I've done in my life for my daughter (& son) is to show them that nobody has the right to treat you like that, & that you can do it. I was on Welfare for a while, had no family help or support except for my best friend (whose my angel).

I wish you & your child all the best, please leave though you & that baby deserve better.

Answer 11

I hate to tell you this but that is not typical behavior after recently getting married.  In fact usually the first few months to years of being married are the easiest of times.  I think you need to sit him down and find out what is going on in his head and why he has changed.  Don't let this go on any longer.  A change needs to be made soon or this could continue to escalate.

Answer 12

Married a month...pregnant for 7.

Hmmmm...I can see a problem already that may be a contributing factor.

I'm afraid I'll have to throw in with you on this one. Never should have married.

Answer 13

Sweet baby please, I am begging you, talk to your pastor,OB-GYN, or local womens center. Seriously consider all of you options. These situations rarely get better with out alot of help. As a matter of fact they get worse. I was married for 16 years ( & have 2 kids)& you are not alone. You need help & can not be responible for his actions. Please talk with 1 or more of the professionals I listed then take the advise you recieve, not just for you , but for that baby as well. Love & Prayers for guidence & safty.  

Answer 14

Last night he knocked the keys out of your hand... next he will knock the teeth out of your mouth.

You both need counseling immediately.  If he won't go and you don't want to live like that.... .... Wait until he leaves, pack your things, get in your car and leave!

You deserve better and there are enough battered / abused women out there. Don't add to the list. That's exactly where he's heading with the behavior you have described.  I know it hurts to hear but I'd hate for you to go through what I went through.  

I'm sure he gave you signs before you married..... you were "in love" and pregnant on top of that and whether you want to admit it now or not, YOU chose to ignore those signs.

I know it's hard.

God bless you.

Answer 15

Thats not good hun. Men change a little when u get married as women do as well. This is a bad sign tho. I have been w my husband for 10 yrs married 8. We hv had some BAD fights and even separated for a while before coming back together. He NEVER behaved this way tho. Talk to your family and honestly i would leave for a while, let him feel the loss so he knows what he will Miss. THis is a very bad sign, my bf went through something similar and it did lead to him woopin her but one day while she was holding their baby. He slapped her hand when she was preg and tryin to leave. U need the support of family or friends. stay w someone else for a while and get ur head straight. Good Luck!!!!! He will do it in front of ur baby too. dont allow that.