I need some parents to give me their opinions on this. I have a 6 year old son who is in 1st grade.?

Question

His teacher has this system to where if they do something "wrong" they pull a stick and put it in their pocket. If you get 5 sticks in your pocket they call your parents. There are code numbers at the top of the paper and she will put the # in the comment box that fit why they received a stick. #1 - Not following directions, 2 - Keep hands and feet to yourself, 3 - Be respectful, 4 - Control talking and 5 - Complete assigned work. He has gotten a few #1's, with following directions. I assumed this meant he was getting in trouble, or a warning stick because his teacher was telling him to clean up his area and he wasn't doing it, or maybe misbehaving in some way. I found out that he is getting these sticks because he is doing his work wrong. They were working on fractions this week, and he didn't get his answers right so he was given a stick, with the code #1...not following directions. He was given another stick because they were to write the month of February 1 - 29 and he only

Answer 1

i'd ask for a conference with the teacher.  obviously, not getting your work right is not misbehavior.  perhaps the teacher thinks your child does understand the directions and is just choosing not to follow them, or is getting distracted talking or playing rather than doing what he's supposed to do.  perhaps she's just not "getting" your kid.  i'd sit down and ask for examples and respectfully offer your own concerns that your child might just be struggling with the substance of the work rather than misbehaving.

i remember some of your former questions and it does certainly sound like your son is having a frustrating and difficult year.  hang in there.  second grade and a new teacher might make a world of difference.

Answer 2

First schedule a face to face meeting w/the teacher and the principal. And if possible request your son be placed in a different class. I cant stress the face to face meeting enough. Also if you can contact other parents in his class, find out if they have the same problem.

I complained to my son's kindergarden teacher about the amount of homework she was sending home and she was picking on my son.Everyday she sent home a note about him kicking, hitting, choking etc etc.....I know my child isnt like that she would let him get picked on by his classmate then punish him when he got fed up. This was witnessed by his daycare too, not just me. Also the hispanic kids were allowed to do their homework in spanish. Then to the principal and asked for face to face meeting. Instead I got the principal calling me and not telling me the teacher was in the room with her. I was patronized and basically they said I was lying. I immediately placed him another school w/i the district and the difference was amazing. He is doing so much better now. Yes they have clips for behavior and following the rules. Same concept as your sticks. I talk to his teacher or email her at least one a week to touch base with  her and stay on top of things.

I am so sorry you are going thru this. Neither of you should have to put up with this.  I hope you get this resolved for the best. Do what you have do and do what is best for your child.

Answer 3

I would have to agree with you that this type of system is best left for situations which involve incidents such as acting inappropriately but to reprimand a child because he struggled to understand the assignment is just wrong.  My question too would be why are they doing fractions in 1st grade.  That skill is something usually taught in 3rd.  If it were me I would have a sit down with the teacher and let her know of your feelings regarding this manner.  I might also ask that the principle be at the meeting to avoid any misunderstanding and the need to address this issue seperately in the future.  After my child had a teacher like this last year he didn't want to go back this year and it has severly affected his self-esteem.  See what you can do to correct this situation and provide reassurance to him.

Answer 4

the main thing is that you know what he's getting them for. if the teacher wants to be a wacko (which she sounds like), let her. it's useless to go in and fight with her. at least YOU know that your son is getting these sticks for stupid things, and that's all that matters. if this is upsetting your son, then i think i would go and talk with the teacher, but if they don't bother him, i wouldn't worry about it.

Answer 5

Token Economy

http://wik.ed.uiuc.edu/index.php/Token_e...

Try to be positive with this teach maybe and donate some prizes for the kids and possibly donate some coupons.

Try to arrange a meeting with the teacher and be positive.

Source: "How to Win Friends and Influence People", by Dale Carnagie.

Show respect for the teacher and get him or her to tell you why he or she does what they do.  Listen until they have nothing more to say and then ask them about rewards instead of punishments.

It is best if you speak to the teacher first (maybe a few times) before going over his or her head and speaking with a principal.

Maybe, before speaking to a principal, you could have you son's teacher have another teacher there for a conference and see if this peer pressure would work.  She might take an idea from one of her fellow teachers than she would from a parent.

Answer 6

This is exactly why I home school!  This system is so confusing to you and him!  How can a first grader be expected to understand this?  Crazy!

Answer 7

I think the teacher is way out of line here.

Your son is attempting to complete the work.

He is 6 for pete's sake - not 26.

I would ask to speak to the teacher and explain the effect his/her strategy is having on his self esteem. Make sure you note that he is the type of child who likes to please.

Point out not everyone is good at everything and some kids take longer to understand/learn a concept. They should be supported and the family should be asked to help their child at home - they should not be given a punishment stick for not being able to complete a math question properly. They should be shown where they went wrong. If the teacher does not come around or makes things worse for your son you go straight to the principal. Point out to the Principal that this type of approach is damaging to children and that if something is not done about it you will take the matter outside the schools hands. Alternatively you can perhaps take note that this school is not the right school for your son and enrol him somewhere else. Find a new school, go to the principal of the current school and explain you are removing your son to another school because of the management approach used by his teacher and the emotional damage it has caused. Good luck. In the mean time work on self esteem exercises at home. Tell him when he has done something well. Praise him when he has given something ago even if things didnt work out the right way.

Quite frankly I think this teacher needs to be reported - this is not strictness this is borderline abuse and bullying behaviour.

Answer 8

You need to have a principla parent, teacher conference. You also need to speak with other parents to see if they have the same concerns, which I am sure they do, This teacher is a monster for treating children this way. She is suppose to teach kids, not make em feel inadequate. You need to have a meeting with the principal and the teacher and let them know that this is affecting your son and you won't have his self esteem being lowered by this bully. This is ridiculous.!!

Answer 9

I think she is mixing behavior, work habits, and general understanding.....these things should be separated out and I bet it is confusing to your son as well.   Have you spoken with any of the other parents?  Have you thought about seeking a conference with the teacher and/or the principal?  You walk a fine line between teaching your son to learn and adapt to the circumstances around him vs. knowing when the circumstances are 'too' damaging....tough call, Good Luck.

Answer 10

As a 2nd grade teacher assistant, I don't understand giving a child the stick for not understanding the assignment.  Ask for a conference.  Your child may not understand if he wasn't paying attention.  You can always call the school and request a conference.  Ask the teacher why she feels your child earned the #1 stick.  Explain to her that your being told he doesn't understand the assignment, and ask her what her observations of his behavior during instruction time.  Sometimes childern don't always tell everything, and teachers don't always have time to write a detailed letter about your child's behavior.  If you are sitting in front of her she has time to talk to you about the situation. Just remember she may only have 30-45 minutes of break and if you think that this is going to take longer you may need to request an after school conference, but  ask someone else keep your child at home, don't let them in the conference, because you are going to be distracted to keep their behavior to par, and won't be able to talk freely to the teacher.

Answer 11

Wow.  That is crazy. I have a 6 year old son and if he got "the stick" for those reasons, I would be upset.

It sounds like his teacher is pretty strict.  Have you spoken to her about her policies at the last Parent Teacher conference? I, personally, think her method is a little wacky and I would be concerned. I would call the principle and talk to him about it. I would think  that he has gotten other calls from concerned parents.

Answer 12

It is the teachers job to teach him. If she fails to teach him fractions, that is HER fault, not your sons.

She is just too lazy to work with the kid and catch him up, so she just punishes him.

I'd go down there and have a word or two with her.

Answer 13

That is TERRIBLE!  If I were you I would call the principal and let him/her know what that teacher is doing.  You can't punish a child for not finishing or not understanding especially if they are on the right track of getting it.  That is what the teacher is for, to help them learn.  I can understand how upset your son must be.  If your sons school has more than one kindergarten class, I might also ask to have him moved to a different teacher.  That is going to crush his self esteem.  You sound like a very good mom and I am sure if you work with him at home and reassure him he is doing a great job he will be fine.  That teacher needs to be evaluated I think!  Sorry you are going through this!  

Good Luck!

Answer 14

Why would 1st-graders be working on fractions?

Anyway, I would set up a conference and maybe ask if you could sit in one day while he is at school. The teacher would act normal, although your son might not. But you really need to talk to her. She is strict and ask her why she is teaching them fraction. They are in the 1st grade!

Answer 15

What an apalling way to treat a 6 year old!!  I would be down at the school first thing Monday morning asking questions!!  1/ Why is he being punished for not understanding?

2/ Why isn't he being helped?

3/ Do you get a kick out of upsetting small children?

4/ Are you a s****t?

Sorry, those last two sound flippant but I can't believe a teacher can get away with treating a child like that!!  It sounds like your son may have a problem with maths/numbers and he needs help not punishment.  Nip this in the bud now before he loses all conficence.

Best wishes to you and your son.

Answer 16

that is horrible. i think you should definatly go and have a conference. kids learn to hate school that way. if the teacher disagrees then yo9ushould talk to the principal. try to be calm and respectful. let her know how upset it makes him and that he feels like he can't do anythin correctly. let her know you are ok with the system for behavioral problems, i assume you are from how you described it, but not for problems with learning. also, she should have let you know sooner that he was having problems with his work.

Answer 17

It's a far too complicated system for lttle children any way.  And fancy calling it 'giving them the stick', it sounds horrible.

There should be a simple 3step procedure of, warn, mark on board/paper, and then sanction, and if ther is more than two sanctions in the day speak to parents.

As for the sticks, they should be reward tokens to ecourage the kids to try hard!

Some kids do seem to get themselves into trouble a lot though and it's not usually cos they are naughty, but that some of their manerisms or difficulties (from ADD/ADHD/ASD/dyslexia/dyspraxia) are not understood and dealt with apropriately by the teacher.

My kid gets into bother a lot and its usually low level stuff that just gfets on the teachers nerves but he's not doing it to wind them up on purpose.

Once I accepted all this, I just chilled out and let them get on with their systems and just make sure i listen to his side of the story(but I don't go to to school and complain)  school issues should stay at school and not spoil your time with your son.

Answer 18

As someone who works with kids yourself, I'm sure you know that they don't always get the whole story right.  And, as a teacher, you know that you sometimes have bad days & make mistakes, too.

Try to remember (or believe) that you & the teacher share the same goal - educating your child.  And, try to remember her unique situation of not only educating your child, in a limited amount of time, but all of the other children in the classroom, too.

Then, with that in mind, meet with her & see if the two of you can work out a plan to help your child to learn better in her classroom.  He needs to have a very clear understanding of her expectations, specifically, so that he can work together with her to learn.  So, ask her to explain her plan to you, in a way that you can understand, so that you can help her to make sure that your child understands.

I have a son who sounds just like yours.  Maybe a little distracted, either when he doesn't understand or when he is bored, but who truly *wants* to be good & do what's right.  We've been working with his teachers for K, 1 & 2, so far, trying to make sure that we can make school work for him as best as it possibly can.

Edit: Wow, I understand that you're frustrated by this, but I'm thinking that everyone who's replying is trying to help.  

Even if the teacher did explain it to you in the note, it sounds like it still doesn't make sense to you or, at least, doesn't seem right.  You're supposed to be on the same team with her, trying to get an education for your child.  If you aren't in sync, if you aren't understanding each other, then it's good to communicate with each other until you do.

Answer 19

I feel sorry for your son that he has to put up with this. A child this age should never be punished for not doing his work properly as long as he is actually trying/attempting the work. I have a son in 1st and a daughter in Kindergarten. When my son was in a private kindergarten, I found out he was being "put down" by the teacher because he wasn't coloring within the lines and he often times just flat out refused to color. He HATES coloring and so does my daughter. They would rather draw their own pictures than color someone elses. Anyway, I pulled my son out of that school at Christmas and he never went back.

Answer 20

you need to get him out of that school now. I can understand using this method for misbehaving but for not understanding the work or getting it wrong!!! That is going to destroy his self esteem and will do more harm than good. Get him out of that school now and find one that nurtures as they learn. That is the most appalling thing I have ever read

Answer 21

It sounds to me that the teacher does not know how to teach.  Their responsibility does not end with them telling a student and then giving a student a punishment if the student doesn't understand.  The idea of sticks is ridiculous.

Answer 22

That sounds absolutely disgraceful. The teacher cannot be allowed to strip away children's confidence. I agree with other posters that you should meet her and have a serious talk. However, do tread carefully and don't lose your temper- you don't want to look like you've 'jumped the gun' and put yourself in a weak position if something has been misinterpreted/ she has an excuse etc...

I would consider mentioning it to the head teacher, also.

All the best,

      Stefanie