I need some relationship advice please?

Question

I am only 5 weeks from delivering my son and I'm an emotional wreck. I am happy one minute and crying the next. I'm also very touchy and feel like I wish I could just go hide somewhere until this baby is born. But I have a 10 month old to care for so hiding isn't an option. Everything bothers me lately. I went away with my husband and our daughter on a week long vacation and I really started to feel great - until I came back. Once I was back things went downhill again. To top it off I was at my MIL's house yesterday and she happened to mention an old fling my husband had years ago had dropped by!!! Apparently my BIL's girlfriend invited her over!! I had NO IDEA she even knew her. I have been consumed by this and right away I questioned my husband on if he was there when she showed up and if he had any contact with her since. He said no to both but I have my doubts. You see me and my husband broke up years ago and he slept with this s*ut within a few days of our breakup. I found out about it later but I always wondered if anything happened BEFORE we were broken up as we knew this girl back then and she was pretty much the neighborhood w***e but I never dreamed my husband would actually touch her. I was wrong.

Now it's all I can think of. I thought she was long gone out of my life but out of nowhere she pops up and appears at my husbands parents house!! I'm livid and would like to track her down and choke the living **** out of her for having the nerve to go over there. I feel like I'm reliving a past I have long tried to forget about. I feel like running away and leaving him behind so he can't have the chance to hurt me again by being unfaithful. I know I have trust issues but you know what they say, just because your paranoid doesn't mean there's no reason to be.. Well I know I've rambled but I just need an objective opinion. What shoould I do? Is this pregnancy hormones or am I justified in being so bothered by this? I feel so much anxiety I think my heart is going to explode. At the same time I also feel depressed and defeated, like rather then hang around and see if my worst fears come true that I should just cut and run and make sure I never go through what I did years ago over this. I never have gotten over the past totally but started to until now. I just can't go through what I did ever again. I ended up on anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants over this man I love. We reunited years later but I feel like I'm in a time warp slowly being sucked back to a past that nearly destroyed me. My instinct is to leave and move far away again and start over by myself and never have to worry about him wandering and lying and playing head games like he's done in the past. What should I do???

Answer 1

I think it's pregnancy hormones and you should be justified in being so bothered by this. Just wait until the baby is born and then think about everything when all the hormones are gone. But then again i've never had kids (thank goodness considering my age) so I dont really know for sure.

Answer 2

Honestly, I would be pretty upset as well. But, you need to ask yourself if your husband has given any indication of infidelity since then. He made a mistake a few years ago. You will never forget it, but you need to forgive him if you want the relationship to work. Has he done anything suspicious since that has happened or has he done everything he can to show you he's sorry and make it up to you??

Answer 3

honey, you need to relax and go take a nap.  Your hormones are all over the place, and you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Answer 4

boy do i not miss that feeling! i totally know what you are going through but you need to try and relax. hormones do play a major part in this and chances are you will feel much better after the baby is born. i would be totally pissed about an ex popping up like that too but you cant break up your family because of it. you have to trust him. thats why you married him right? just let things die down and after the baby is born, if you still feel like you need to leave then do it, but i seriously doubt you will.  

Answer 5

i think if this bothered you before you got pregnant then it's not due to pregnancy hormones.

  i think you're right to get upset about her having the nerve to show up knowing your husband will know about it.

   but, i also think that your husband would put you and his 2 babies waaaaay before her, being the neighborhood w***e just tops it all off.

  and he probably only slept with her cos he was upset at breaking up with you and wanted to make himself feel better, but you'd know more about it than i would.

  anyway, i highly doubt your husband could care less about the woman. is he acting excited about the birth? is he a loving husband and father now, after you got back together and had your babies? if he is then i would close the door on your past, as long as he acts differently now that he has a family. good luck in everything.  

Answer 6

First I would like to say that you should believe that your husband was not there when the lady came or had any contact with her. Your husband have NO control of who goes to his parent's house. He cant make a list of who is allowed there or not. And the fact that your MIL said that the girl came over is a sign that it is NOT a secret and that is NOTHING between them. YES he made a mistake and I bet he feels really stuped.

See you got pregnant again shortly after you had a baby and because of that your hormones is going crazy! It is taking a lot from you physically and mentally. You are stressed, you feel big (not that you are I am just saying that is how we feel when we are pregnant) and you have a lot on your plate it is OK to be a wreck!

Please dont leave, this will all be over in a few weeks when you have the baby and your body and mind starts going back to normal

Answer 7

<Hugs> <BIG hugs>

Aww girl, i'm sorry you're going through this, i understand how you feel, hormones are going CRRRAZY right now, so that has a lot to do with the way you are feeling. & i am sorry to say that you will only start feeling good weeks or maybe a month or 2 after delivery.. If you're anything like me. Oh and that b*tch just appearing is a horrible thing to go through right now.. You are being kind of paranoid but you have a reason, your husband did sleep with her. I wish i could help you out. I can only advise you to think of your baby, he can feel the anxiety and stress you're feeling, you need to *try* to stay calm, for him & for your 10mo.

Be strong. God Bless

Answer 8

I have been where you are now.  It is the worst feeling in the world.  First you need to stop dwelling on this ex.  It'll only stress you out and push your husband away.  If for some ignorant reason your husband is doing something he shouldn't (which I am sure he isn't)...you'll find out.  Don't worry about something until you know it has happened.  Out of control hormones can do amazing things to a normal person.  Put your mind on your 10 month old and your soon to be baby or the weather or anything else.  The town w*h**e isn't worth another second of your time.  

Answer 9

First and most important you should calm down. Right now the most important thing is bringing a healthy baby into this world and taking care of the one you already have.  You are a bundle of nerves now, so don't make any rash decisions. Find some activity to get involved in that will take your mind off this,(such as picking names for your baby, shopping for things you may need etc.). If your husband is cheating time will tel,l but getting yourself all worked up over something that may not be true can be detrimental to you and your unborn child, as well as, the child you already have.  Calm down... There doesn't seem to be any evidence that your husband is cheating now.  The fact that he cheated in the past isn't evidence that he is cheating now.  Give him the benefit of the doubt until you have proof. If there is someone who can help you with the child you already have take advantage of it and find a something that will help you to relax. Call up a friend and go to a comedic movie. There is a "chick flick" coming out soon, if it's not already out called "Women." Again, Baby Girl, calm down and relax.  Being pregnant again so soon is enough to stress anyone's nerves, but take strength in knowing that this too shall pass and when it's over you will have a beautiful little boy as the prize.  Then perhaps you should take precautions to put a little distance between this child and your next one if you are planning to have more.  It sounds like you are stressed to the limit, so if you can find someone who can be around to assist you after the birth of your child (if it's not possible for your husband to take paternity leave). My prayers are with you.